The Musers — 2025-06-20
The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, June 20, 2025
📋 Segments This Day
- Observation Deck
- Generic Youth Minister
- Jub Jam 2025 Postgame
- Youre an Ass If
- Worlds Best Farter
- Observation Deck
🎙️ Early Show Analysis
What segments appeared in this portion?
Observation Deck [00:00:00-00:13:02]: Gordo’s regular segment featuring odd news stories and cultural observations. He discussed a bizarre Texas case where a woman held a wedding without the groom’s knowledge or presence, then transitioned to discussing a new trend at kindergarten graduations where schools limit applause to one clap per child. The segment also included discussion about over-graduating children and a tangent about Muppets and Sesame Street characters.
Generic Youth Minister [00:00:00-00:06:04]: A recurring character bit where Gordo voices a well-meaning but awkward youth pastor who visits the show to promote church activities and share inappropriate church stories, including plans for a “Jesus and the Rangers” event and various church mishaps.
Sports topics discussed
- Rangers: Discussion of the youth minister’s “Jesus and the Rangers” program featuring former player Josh Hamilton doing devotionals and David Hulse performing card tricks [Generic Youth Minister segment]
Funny moments, Gordo bits, or memorable quotes
- Wedding scam story: Woman convinced a pastor to marry her to her ex-boyfriend without the groom present, leading to jokes about “conjugal visits because he’s legally married to her if he wants to go in there and have crazy prison sex” [00:03:36]
- Prison sex visuals: Extended riff about conjugal visits including “Jackson Pollocking the whole thing” and comparing inmates’ wives to “old whale of a woman bouncing up and down like she’s on a bumpy road” and “like a walrus trying to get across a beach” [00:04:04-00:04:58]
- One-clap graduation policy: Discussion of schools limiting applause to one clap, with Junior suggesting “Why not three? At least there’s a little meat to [it], as opposed to [one] which sounds very cultish” [00:08:08]
- Youth minister character highlights:
- Virgin vodka demand: “I am personally encouraging and nay demanding that Tito’s start making a virgin vodka” [00:03:26]
- Ticket Chick Bible mishap: Misprinted Bibles with bikini photos interspersed in gospels, leading to readings like “for God to love the world that he gave this girl a thong” [00:04:21]
- Mrs. Robertson’s death: Casualty of church E. coli outbreak with the line “you live and you learn, you know, she didn’t, but we did” [00:05:09]
Recurring bits, characters, or inside jokes referenced
- “P1s”: Reference to loyal Ticket listeners who attended the Summer Chill event [00:00:04]
- “Wheels off”: Ticket catchphrase mentioned by youth minister as overheard from a listener [00:01:09]
- Generic Youth Minister character: Long-running Gordo character making his regular appearance
- Summer Chill: Annual Ticket listener event referenced throughout
- Ticket Chick calendar: Station promotional item that got mixed up in the Bible printing
Summary
This portion opens with the Observation Deck segment where Gordo shares a bizarre Texas story about a woman who managed to get married to her ex-boyfriend without his knowledge or presence, leading to her arrest on stalking charges. The discussion takes several comedic detours into prison conjugal visits with increasingly graphic imagery that the other hosts find disturbing. Gordo then transitions to discussing a new trend at kindergarten graduations where schools are limiting audience applause to exactly one clap per child, ostensibly to create fairness and speed up ceremonies. This sparks debate about whether we’re “over-graduating” children and the dystopian nature of rationing applause.
The segment evolves into a nostalgic discussion about Muppets and Sesame Street characters, with disagreement about which characters were funny versus “spare” (creepy). The hosts particularly debate the merits of Cookie Monster, Bert and Ernie, and Big Bird, with varying levels of childhood appreciation and adult retrospective analysis.
The show then features the Generic Youth Minister, one of Gordo’s recurring characters – an earnest but bumbling church youth pastor. The character promotes upcoming church events including a “Jesus and the Rangers” baseball outing featuring Josh Hamilton (who previously showed up “impaired” to a similar event) and David Hulse doing card tricks. The youth minister volunteers the hosts for Vacation Bible School duties and shares various church mishaps, including E. coli-tainted potluck food that killed Mrs. Robertson, a broken church van, and misprinted Bibles that accidentally include Ticket Chick bikini calendar photos interspersed with scripture, creating unintentionally inappropriate religious readings.
⏰ Mid-Show Analysis
Segments that appeared:
- Jub Jam 2025 Postgame [00:00:00-00:16:48]: Update on the annual charity event, raising $260,000 for Senior Source of Greater Dallas. The host shared emotional moments from performing with Randy Rogers and Brady Black at the Longhorn Ballroom, including singing his favorite Randy Rogers lyrics from “Interstate.” Also included stories from his Ireland trip where he met Adrian Colbertson at a guitar shop in Coleraine, learned about Adrian’s recovery from sepsis, and they played music together.
- You’re an Ass If [00:17:00-00:22:38]: Regular segment featuring listener-submitted stories about questionable behavior. Stories included neighbor disputes over grass clippings, accidentally crashing the wrong birthday party, and bathroom etiquette regarding handicap stalls.
Sports topics discussed:
- Brief mentions of sports fandom connections between the host and Randy Rogers
Notable debates or host disagreements:
- [00:21:45] Discussion about handicap stall etiquette – whether able-bodied people should use them when available versus reserving them, with different viewpoints on “battlefield conditions”
Phone callers:
- Multiple listener submissions read for “You’re an Ass If” segment from P1 John (grass clipping dispute), P1 Brandon (wrong birthday party), and P1 Ryan Medellin (bathroom changing table situation)
Funny moments and memorable one-liners:
- [00:15:02] Host repeatedly saying “yeah” during his Ireland interview, leading to jokes about it sounding dubbed
- [00:19:51] “So my daughter and I unintentionally crashed his party, ate his cake, took his party favors and took back his present”
- [00:22:19] “Then you just pull your legs up and pretend like there’s no one in there”
Pop culture, music, or non-sports topics:
- Extensive discussion of Randy Rogers’ songwriting, particularly the song “Interstate”
- Ireland travel stories and guitar shop visit
- Meeting musicians who played with U2, Van Morrison, and other famous acts
- Guitar virtuosos Jeff Beck and Ritchie Blackmore discussion
- Stories about George Harrison encounter in 1972
- Early U2 history and Irish music scene
This portion of The Musers showcased the show’s blend of personal storytelling and audience interaction. The Jub Jam postgame segment highlighted the emotional and charitable aspects of the annual event, with the host sharing deeply personal moments about performing with his musical hero Randy Rogers. The Ireland stories added an international dimension, connecting local Dallas radio to the broader musical world through chance encounters with accomplished Irish musicians.
The “You’re an Ass If” segment provided the show’s signature mix of humor and social commentary, examining everyday etiquette dilemmas through listener experiences. The discussions ranged from neighborly disputes to parenting mishaps, all delivered with the hosts’ characteristic wit and relatability.
The musical elements throughout both segments demonstrated the show’s deep appreciation for artistry and craftsmanship, whether discussing Randy Rogers’ lyrical abilities or the guitar mastery of Jeff Beck and Ritchie Blackmore. These conversations revealed the hosts’ genuine passion for music beyond their sports talk radio roles, creating connections between local Dallas culture and the wider musical landscape.
🏁 Final Hour Analysis
What segments appeared in this portion?
Worlds Best Farter [00:00:00-00:05:33]: The hosts played audio from a courtroom where a defendant appeared before a judge wearing a “World’s Best Farter” t-shirt. The judge scolded him for inappropriate courtroom attire, saying “You’re in felony court. You need to dress appropriately.” The hosts discussed the man’s appearance and joked about what would happen if he had to prove his shirt’s claim in court.
Observation Deck [00:00:00-00:12:41]: Gordo’s regular segment covering various topics including his headphone issues, concerns about getting sick again, being dive-bombed by a mockingbird at band rehearsal, pizza delivery patterns around the Pentagon as an indicator of military operations, and a GoFundMe campaign that raised $11,000 for surgery to give a puppy born without an anus a “new anus.”
You’re an Ass If segment [00:06:39-00:11:01]: Listener submissions about driving pet peeves including lane cutters, failure to use turn signals, and improper car wash etiquette.
Funny moments or memorable Gordo bits
- Mockingbird attack story [00:02:33]: Gordo described being dive-bombed by a protective mockingbird while entering a rehearsal studio, creating vivid imagery of him “swatting and ducking”
- Putin domestic life impression [00:06:48-00:07:24]: Gordo did a voice impression of Vladimir Putin being nagged by his wife about household chores while trying to eat Domino’s pizza
- Pentagon pizza intelligence [00:05:07-00:08:53]: Gordo explained how pizza delivery spikes around the Pentagon predict military operations, noting that “three hours later a gay bar near the Pentagon had abnormally low traffic”
- Puppy anus GoFundMe [00:09:05-00:12:41]: Gordo told the story of “Tushy” the puppy born without an anus, criticizing the vet for unprofessional language like “no hole for it to go into” and “no butthole”
Sports topics discussed in this portion
- Farting league demographics [00:03:05]: Junior joked that if there was a professional farting league, “it would not look like the NBA” but rather “like UT’s 1969 National Championship team”
Any final notable quotes or moments
Most memorable quote [00:11:01]: George discussing the value of having an anus: “I’d pay a bajillion dollars for what to have an anus if I didn’t have one luckily I have one”
Gordo’s request [00:11:18]: “I want that to be cut out and made a clip promo for our show”
3-paragraph summary
The final portion of The Musers opened with the “World’s Best Farter” segment, where the hosts played actual courtroom audio of a judge scolding a felony defendant for wearing an inappropriate t-shirt to court. The hosts were surprised to learn the defendant was Black, as they had stereotypically assumed he would be white, leading to some racial humor about farting demographics and comparisons to sports league compositions. The segment included speculation about what would happen if the judge had made him prove his shirt’s claim.
Gordo’s Observation Deck covered his typical eclectic mix of topics, from mundane concerns about his headphones breaking and getting sick again, to bizarre stories about being attacked by a protective mockingbird at band rehearsal. He shared an interesting intelligence tidbit about how pizza delivery spikes around the Pentagon serve as an indicator of impending military operations, historically preceding invasions of Panama and Desert Storm. His Putin impression, complete with domestic nagging about household chores, provided comedic relief.
The show’s final segment focused on a heartwarming yet absurd GoFundMe story about a puppy named “Tushy” born without an anus who needed $8,000 surgery. Gordo criticized the veterinarian’s unprofessional language when describing the condition to media, arguing she should use proper medical terminology instead of saying things like “no butthole.” The story raised over $11,000, leading to philosophical discussions about the value of having basic bodily functions, with George declaring he’d pay “a bajillion dollars” for an anus if he didn’t have one.
Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.
