The Musers β 2025-01-22
The Musers β 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Wednesday, January 22, 2025
π Segments This Day
- Jesse the Usher
ποΈ Early Show Analysis
What segments appeared in this portion?
- Jesse the Usher [00:00:00-00:02:08]: Jesse, described as “our favorite octogenarian,” calls in to talk about being the head usher at Trump’s inauguration. He shares increasingly absurd stories about ushering at 13 inaugurations for nine different presidents, starting with Gerald Ford in 1974.
Were there any funny moments, Gordo bits, or memorable quotes?
- Jesse’s deliberately wrong details about presidents: calling Ford “Gerald Herbert Walker Ford” and Nixon “Richard Ramirez Nixon” [00:00:39-00:00:57]
- Absurd claims about the Ford inauguration having only “a dozen or so people” with Scott Joplin playing and everyone breaking for “punching cake” [00:01:03-00:01:16]
- Increasingly ridiculous descriptions of Trump’s inauguration entertainment: “tech giants twerking on news anchors,” “Cookie Monster singing Achy Breaky Heart,” Kid Rock “firing bottle rockets out of his butt into a crowd of bikini girls,” and “Hulk Hogan and Snoopy Dog” manning t-shirt cannons [00:01:24-00:01:56]
- Jesse mentions his Twitter being suspended at the end [00:02:08]
Were there any phone callers?
- Jesse the Usher calls in to discuss his role as head usher at the presidential inauguration
Were there any recurring bits, characters, or inside jokes referenced?
- Jesse the Usher appears to be a recurring character on the show, referred to as “our old friend” and “our favorite octogenarian”
Summary
This segment features Jesse the Usher, a recurring character on The Musers who claims to be an elderly professional usher. Jesse calls in to boast about being the head usher at Trump’s inauguration, spinning an elaborate tale about his decades-long career ushering presidential inaugurations dating back to Gerald Ford in 1974.
The bit follows a classic Ticket formula of starting with a plausible premise before spiraling into complete absurdity. Jesse’s stories begin with believable details about being a professional usher but quickly devolve into ridiculous claims about historical events and increasingly outlandish descriptions of inauguration entertainment, including tech billionaires twerking and Kid Rock shooting fireworks from his posterior.
The segment showcases The Ticket’s signature style of character-driven comedy, with Jesse serving as a vehicle for political and cultural satire wrapped in the guise of a confused elderly caller sharing his “experiences.” The humor builds through Jesse’s matter-of-fact delivery of increasingly preposterous details, culminating in his casual mention that his Twitter account has been suspended.
β° Mid-Show Analysis
Segments that appeared:
- Gordo comedy bit about inauguration incidents involving Elon Musk and Carrie Underwood (00:02:17-00:04:13)
Funny moments, Gordo bits, or memorable one-liners:
- 00:02:35: Gordo describes seeing Elon Musk make a gesture that “triggered my Omaha Beach response” leading him to start “beating the Germanic taxicab hailing right out of him”
- 00:02:51: Claims he lost his blue checkmark as a result and people can’t see his “meme game”
- 00:03:24: Says he “accidentally kicked out the plug to a karaoke machine” during Carrie Underwood’s performance
- 00:03:41: Describes Underwood’s voice as sounding “like a mixture of Fergie and Jesus”
- 00:04:02: Claims when she called him a boomer, he slapped her back saying “bitch, I’m greatest generation”
Pop culture, music, or non-sports topics discussed:
- 00:02:26: Discussion of Elon Musk and references to his controversial gesture at the inauguration
- 00:03:05: Carrie Underwood’s inauguration performance and technical difficulties she experienced
- 00:03:01: Brief mention of X (Twitter) social media platform
This portion features a classic Gordo comedy segment where he spins absurdist tales about his supposed involvement in recent inauguration events. The bit centers around two major inauguration moments that were in the news – Elon Musk’s controversial gesture and Carrie Underwood’s technical difficulties during her performance.
Gordo weaves an elaborate fantasy where he was personally responsible for both incidents, claiming he attacked Musk after misinterpreting his gesture as something that triggered his “Omaha Beach response,” and separately caused Underwood’s audio problems by accidentally unplugging equipment. His descriptions are characteristically over-the-top and absurd.
The segment showcases Gordo’s signature style of taking real news events and inserting himself into increasingly ridiculous scenarios, complete with crude humor and unexpected turns of phrase like describing Underwood’s voice as “a mixture of Fergie and Jesus.” The other hosts play along with minimal interjections, allowing Gordo’s storytelling to flow naturally.
π Final Hour Analysis
What segments appeared in this portion?
- [00:04:16-00:06:14] A phone call segment featuring “Jessie the Usher” character discussing the presidential inauguration
Were there any phone callers?
- [00:04:16-00:06:14] “Jessie the Usher” called in to share his experience at the presidential inauguration, making crude observations about the First Lady and other attendees
Were there any funny moments or memorable Gordo bits?
- [00:04:16-00:06:14] The entire “Jessie the Usher” character bit, featuring increasingly outrageous and inappropriate commentary about political figures, including graphic descriptions about Melania Trump, conversations with Trump about adult diapers, and observations about Baron Trump’s height
- [00:05:54] Jessie’s threat to use a “Swiss suicide pod” if Notre Dame doesn’t win a national championship
- [00:06:02-00:06:10] The hosts quickly ending the call when Jessie tried to venture into immigration politics
How did the show wrap up?
- [00:06:08-00:06:14] The hosts abruptly ended the Jessie character’s call when he attempted to discuss immigration policy, with the hosts saying they had to run and would talk another time
Any final notable quotes or moments?
- [00:04:27] “She makes my penis plump up like a summer sausage on a hot plate” – Jessie’s crude description of the First Lady
- [00:04:39] “That makes me want to wear my kneecaps as earrings while she goes all Peggy Fleming on my prostate” – Another outrageous Jessie comment
- [00:05:54] “I vowed to get into a Swiss suicide pod if the fighting Irish don’t win a natty” – Jessie’s dramatic Notre Dame fandom
Summary
This final portion of The Musers consisted entirely of a phone call from the recurring character “Jessie the Usher,” who claimed to have attended the recent presidential inauguration. The bit featured Jessie making increasingly crude and inappropriate observations about political figures, particularly Melania Trump, while the hosts tried to manage his outrageous commentary.
Jessie’s character delivered a series of absurd anecdotes about bonding with Trump over adult diapers, making graphic sexual comments about the First Lady, and observing Baron Trump’s height. The comedy escalated with bizarre imagery and inappropriate descriptions that had the hosts occasionally trying to rein him in, particularly when he made explicit sexual references.
The segment concluded abruptly when Jessie attempted to steer the conversation toward immigration politics, prompting the hosts to quickly end the call. This appeared to be a classic Ticket character bit designed to push boundaries while satirizing political events, ending this portion of the show on a note of controlled chaos that’s typical of the station’s irreverent style.
Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.
