The Musers — 2026-04-25

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Saturday, April 25, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Marge Schwimdiddler
• Observation Deck
• E-Brake
• Marge Schwimdiddler
• Observation Deck
• Koko the Gorilla The Musers 4172026
• E-Brake The Musers 4172026
• Observation Deck The Musers 4172026
• Fake Bruce Bochy The Musers 4162026
• Youre an Ass If The Musers 4162026
• Observation Deck The Musers 4162026

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Segment Analysis: The Musers — 2026-04-25

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Segments That Appeared

• Marge Schwimdiddler (appears twice in the transcript, likely the open and a reprise/continuation): A recurring comedy bit in which Gordo performs a character named Marge Schwimdiddler — an elderly, crude, wheelchair-using woman who claims a fabricated romantic/coaching history with George Dunham and flirts aggressively with Mike Rhyner. The segment is introduced with George offering disclaimers that he never swam competitively and never knew this woman.

• Observation Deck (~[00:00:00] of that segment): Gordo’s regular solo commentary segment, sponsored by Tilok, Master Vision, and Generator Supercenter. This edition was an unplanned digression sparked by Mike mentioning The Outfield’s “Your Love,” which spiraled into a lengthy, affectionate discussion of the band, Gordo’s personal history with them, and tangents about Walter Cronkite, Buddy Holly, and an underground marathon in Sweden.

• E-Brake of the Week (~[00:00:00] of that segment): The weekly segment where listeners vote on the worst on-air verbal gaffe or meltdown from Ticket personalities that week. Three candidates were presented and callers voted.

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E-Brake Segment

The three candidates were:

• Candidate #1 — Bob Sturm (The Hardline): While transitioning into NFL Draft talk, Bob completely lost his train of thought mid-sentence while attempting to segue into a live read about owning a home, producing the mangled phrase: *”It’s great owning a sports… what… it’s great owning owning a sport… well it is great owning a sports, but also a home, a sports, a sports home.”*

• Candidate #2 — George Dunham (The Musers): George repeatedly mispronounced “amnesia” as “amnesia” with an added syllable (seemingly “amneesia” or similar), doing it multiple times on-air while discussing the Stars needing to move past a loss. He acknowledged it and tried to correct himself but kept repeating the error. Mike noted it may be a newly developed late-career verbal quirk.

• Candidate #3 — Norm Hitzges: During NFL Draft quarterback discussion, Norm was listing quarterbacks who made fewer than 15 college starts, including Dwayne Haskins, and casually asked *”Does anybody remember Dwayne Haskins?”* — apparently forgetting or ignoring that Haskins died tragically after being struck by a dump truck. When another voice in the room responded *”Yeah, in loving memory,”* Norm didn’t register it and plowed ahead. A co-host then remarked: *”No better way to ruin a career like dying, I suppose.”*

Winner: Norm Hitzges — Callers voted Norm the winner. It was announced as E-Brake win #141 for Norm (full name humorously given as “Norman Elizabeth Hitzkiss”), extending his all-time lead to 25 over second place.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Dallas Cowboys / NFL Draft (~E-Brake segment): A clip aired (from what sounds like a ranch report or similar segment) discussing a defensive player from the Indianapolis Colts who was visiting Dallas that week, with the Cowboys and Philadelphia Eagles both interested in acquiring him. The player was described as someone who could help Dallas’s run defense and still makes big plays.

• NFL Draft — QB prospects (~E-Brake segment): Discussion of the Rams taking Ty Simpson (mentioned as 13th overall), and a broader debate about quarterbacks with fewer than 15 college starts, citing Tannehill, Mac Jones, Kyler Murray, Trey Lance, Mark Sanchez, Dwayne Haskins, and Anthony Richardson.

• Dallas Stars (~E-Brake segment): George’s mispronunciation of “amnesia” occurred in the context of discussing a Stars game that ended 6-1, with commentary about the team needing to move on from a bad game — a reference to the “Razor” (Derek Sutton) philosophy of short-term memory in hockey.

• Ohio State / Caleb Downs (~E-Brake callers): One caller briefly mentioned being excited as an Ohio State fan about the team acquiring Caleb Downs.

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Debates or Strong Opinions

• Mike Rhyner on his own physical decline (~Observation Deck, [00:08:45]–[00:09:05]): Mike openly and self-deprecatingly acknowledged a 60-pound weight gain that ended his running career, saying he can now only walk. He leaned into the joke rather than deflecting.

• Gordo on The Outfield’s legacy (~Observation Deck, [00:00:28]–[00:08:07]): Gordo expressed genuine emotional investment in The Outfield and their album *Play Deep*, calling their music deeply meaningful to him. He was visibly (audibly) frustrated that his interview with Tony Lewis was derailed by Lewis speaking entirely in a Donald Duck voice.

• Norm’s callousness about Dwayne Haskins (~E-Brake): The hosts were clearly amused and somewhat horrified that Norm not only forgot Haskins had died but followed up the “in loving memory” cue by asking *”Is that really a bust?”* — seemingly unaware of the dark irony. Mike noted: *”It’s amazing the way Norm just plows ahead. He just doesn’t respond to new information.”*

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Marge Schwimdiddler bit: Gordo’s full character performance as Marge is the centerpiece comedy of the show. Highlights include:
• Marge telling Mike his TV appearances made *”the lining of my Depends moist”* — but clarifying it was from *”a leaky urethra that just won’t cooperate.”*
• Marge referencing a wheelchair-bound companion who *”smells like river mud”* but *”has a heart of gold”* and *”would make an excellent and compliant lover.”*
• Marge asking to live in George’s *”compost tape”* after being denied access to his mansion.
• Marge exiting to get a cyst drained at the free clinic before *”the growth fills up again.”*
• George’s elaborate backstory disclaimers before the bit, including: *”She was my swim coach. Well, I didn’t swim competitively in high school.”*

• Walter Cronkite / Buddy Holly tangent (~Observation Deck, [00:12:31]–[00:15:23]): The conversation about high singing voices led to a Steve Perry comparison, which led George to say Steve Perry *”sounds like Robert Kennedy Jr.”* Mike then did a full impression of Walter Cronkite announcing the Kennedy assassination while also playing guitar like Buddy Holly. The segment concluded with a mock Cronkite struggling with patch cables and a wah-wah pedal.
• Notable quote from Mike-as-Cronkite: *”This one goes out to former President Kennedy”* before singing Peggy Sue.

• Gordo’s Outfield emotional spiral (~Observation Deck, [00:00:14]–[00:00:23]): Gordo opened by saying he was *”so emotional”* about The Outfield being mentioned and wasn’t sure he could do the segment. He then spent several minutes playing songs and sharing trivia.
• Notable quote: *”It was the greatest moment of my life, looking up and seeing John Spinks playing Stratocaster and Tony Lewis on my Ibanez Axtar.”*
• Tony Lewis wore a two-foot tall jester hat and spoke exclusively in Donald Duck’s voice during their in-studio interview at The Ticket in the late 1990s.

• Mine marathon bit (~Observation Deck, [00:09:02]–[00:16:23]): Gordo described a marathon run through a working Swedish zinc mine 1,120 meters below sea level, with 72% humidity. This led to:
• George admitting he nearly had a panic attack on a Longhorn Caverns tour.
• A voiced bit of a runner panicking underground, yelling *”Where’s my pistol?!”* — which the hosts identified as a Bud Dwyer reference drop.
• A mock bit of Mike running at White Rock Lake in bib overalls, a miner’s hat, and no shirt, culminating in him suffering a heart attack mid-run with *”pain radiating down Mike’s left arm.”*

• E-Brake caller comedy (~E-Brake, [00:09:08]–[00:14:21]):
• One caller did a terrible Deion Sanders impression, claiming to have retired *”my son’s number two in Boulder”* as justification for voting Candidate #2.
• A caller named Cruz listed characters from HBO’s *The Comeback* as Gordo’s acceptance speech *”on his behalf.”* Mike identified them immediately.
• A caller purporting to be Coco the gorilla (with sign language assistance from Sid Croft) voted for Norm and listed Sid & Marty Krofft TV shows.
• A caller delivered a message allegedly from Mike Rhyner’s deceased father, saying his dad *”understands that your title as the fifth Muser means fifth choice to fill in.”* Mike responded: *”Just head into your miserable job now. Have a great day.”*

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Phone Callers

• [E-Brake, ~00:09:12] — First caller: Voted for George (Candidate #2), telling him to *”take your little golf cart pencil and put a check next to your own name.”*
• [~00:09:27] — Caller doing a poor Deion Sanders impression: Voted for Candidate #2, citing his son’s retired number in Boulder.
• [~00:09:45] — Caller voting for *”the all-timer”* (unclear specifics).
• [~00:09:57] — Caller who voted for *”sports amnesia”* and Haskins simultaneously — ruled an overvote.
• [~00:10:11] — Caller who forgot what the choices were.
• [~00:10:20] — Caller who proposed comparing Dwayne Haskins to Pat Tillman, Sean Taylor, and O.J. Simpson as *”tragic players.”* Quickly dismissed.
• [~00:10:40] — Caller who delivered a message from Mike Rhyner’s deceased father (described above).
• [~00:11:23] — Cruz in Lido: Listed *The Comeback* characters as Gordo’s acceptance speech.
• [~00:12:02] — Mike Ducey (on-air Ticket personality, calling in as a listener): Voted for Norm, citing a memory of Norm randomly discussing Tennessee football with him *”in the bowels of the old ballpark.”*
• [~00:12:37] — Caller identifying as *”your gal pal Suhawk”* — appeared to have alarms going off in the background; segment quickly moved on.
• [~00:13:10] — Coco the gorilla caller (described above): Voted for Norm.
• [~00:14:29] — Ohio State fan: Voted for Norm, mentioned excitement about Caleb Downs.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, and Inside Jokes Referenced

• Marge Schwimdiddler: A long-running Gordo character — an elderly, disabled, crude woman with a fictional romantic obsession with George Dunham and a fabricated coaching history with him.
• Bud Dwyer drop: A sound drop of the infamous Pennsylvania state treasurer’s 1987 press conference suicide was triggered during the mine marathon discussion. The hosts acknowledged it as one of *”Gordo’s favorite things”* alongside The Outfield — a dark recurring bit.
• E-Brake of the Week: Long-running weekly segment. Norm’s all-time lead and win count (now 141, 25 ahead of second place) are tracked as an ongoing leaderboard.
• Norm Hitzges’s E-Brake dominance: A recurring theme — Norm winning the E-Brake is treated as almost inevitable and celebrated ironically.
• The Comeback (HBO): Cruz’s caller bit referencing Valerie Cherish and other characters was immediately identified by Mike as being from the show, suggesting it’s a known reference in the show’s culture.
• Walter Cronkite references: George was ribbed for bringing up Walter Cronkite repeatedly — described as *”the third time this month”* — suggesting it’s a running joke about George’s dated cultural reference points.
• “The Ticket Live Room” history: Gordo’s story about The Outfield performing in the old Ticket Studios live room is treated as station lore.
• Mike Rhyner as “the fifth Muser”: A recurring gentle jab about Mike being a fill-in/guest rather than a permanent Musers host.

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the Musers opens with Gordo’s Marge Schwimdiddler character — one of his most elaborate recurring bits — performed for the benefit of guest host Mike Rhyner. Marge is an elderly, wheelchair-using woman who claims a fabricated swim-coaching romance with George Dunham in high school and directs increasingly crude flirtation at both Mike and George. George spends the intro issuing multiple disclaimers that he never swam competitively and has no idea who this woman is, which only adds to the comedic framing. The bit is quintessential Gordo: absurdist, committed, and laced with a particular brand of lowbrow surrealism that lands harder for the straight-faced denial surrounding it.

The Observation Deck was ostensibly planned as a structured segment but was almost entirely hijacked by Mike’s offhand mention of The Outfield’s “Your Love,” which sent Gordo into a genuine emotional spiral. What followed was a warm, chaotic tribute to the band — complete with multiple songs played on air — as well as Gordo’s story about The Outfield performing in the old Ticket Studios live room in the late 1990s, with lead singer Tony Lewis wearing a jester hat and answering every question in a Donald Duck voice. The segment then drifted through a discussion of an underground marathon in a Swedish zinc mine, which generated a mock bit about Mike collapsing mid-run at White Rock Lake, and a surreal Buddy Holly/Walter Cronkite mashup bit that no one seemed to have planned but everyone committed to fully.

The E-Brake of the Week concluded the portion with three candidates: Bob Sturm losing his sentence entirely while attempting a home ownership live read, George’s chronic mispronunciation of “amnesia,” and Norm Hitzges casually asking *”Does anybody remember Dwayne Haskins?”* while apparently unaware that Haskins died after being struck by a dump truck. Norm won decisively — his 141st E-Brake victory — with callers delivering a parade of absurdist votes including a terrible Deion Sanders impression, a Coco the gorilla bit, a message from Mike Rhyner’s deceased father, and a Cruz-in-Lido recitation of *The Comeback* characters as Gordo’s acceptance speech. The segment was a showcase of the show’s layered, self-referential humor and its audience’s deep familiarity with the recurring cast of characters and inside jokes.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

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Segments That Appeared

• Marge Schwimdiddler (~[00:02:06] in the opening section): Gordo’s recurring character Marge, a wheelchair-bound woman with a seedy, absurdist backstory, calls in and spins an elaborate fictional history with George involving a swim class, an Olympic team, a torrid affair, and a fall from a school building. She ends the segment by rushing off to get a cyst drained at a free clinic.
• Observation Deck ([00:00:00] in its section): Gordo’s regular solo commentary segment, sponsored by Tilok, Master Vision, and Generator Supercenter. This episode meandered from The Outfield to a Swedish underground marathon to Buddy Holly and Walter Cronkite.
• Koko the Gorilla ([00:00:00] in its section): A recurring Gordo character bit in which the late sign-language gorilla Koko calls in from “lower heaven” to share observations and concerns, including about the Stars, NHL playoffs, and Paige Bueckers.
• E-Brake ([00:00:00] in its section): The weekly segment where listeners vote on which Ticket staffer made the most embarrassing on-air blunder. Three candidates were presented from clips across the station.

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Observation Deck Segment

• Triggered by Mike Rhyner mentioning he heard The Outfield’s “Your Love” on the radio the day before ([00:00:59])
• Gordo expressed deep emotional attachment to The Outfield and their debut album *Play Deep*, playing clips of “Your Love,” “All the Love in the World,” and “Say It Isn’t So”
• Gordo revealed that both members of The Outfield have died — guitarist/songwriter John Spinks from cancer, and lead singer Tony Lewis from a heart attack
• Gordo shared a memorable story about The Outfield visiting the old Ticket studios in the late 1990s to perform live, where Tony Lewis spent the entire interview speaking in a Donald Duck voice while wearing a jester hat ([00:04:21])
• Mike mentioned he worked at a radio station in Clear Lake, Iowa, near the Surf Ballroom where Buddy Holly played his last show before dying in a plane crash ([00:14:13])
• The segment devolved into an extended riff on Walter Cronkite announcing JFK’s assassination while also playing Buddy Holly guitar, complete with George doing a Cronkite-as-Buddy-Holly impression ([00:13:14])
• Gordo discussed an unusual marathon held in a working Swedish zinc mine (the Garpenberg mine), 1,120 meters below sea level, with 72% humidity, requiring runners to wear headlamps ([00:09:14]–[00:11:52])
• Mike joked about running at White Rock Lake in bib overalls and a miner’s hat, which devolved into a bit about him suffering a heart attack mid-run ([00:15:35]–[00:16:23])

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Dallas Wings/Paige Bueckers: Koko expressed concern about Bueckers joining the Wings as a dynamic duo with EA (presumably Arike Ogunbowale), worried about their relationship potentially causing the team to “implode” ([00:01:55]–[00:02:42])
• NHL Playoffs: Koko complained about the playoff bracket being “stupid,” specifically that the Stars are matched up against Minnesota and Colorado early ([00:03:23]–[00:03:45])
• Luka Dončić: Referenced briefly by Koko, noting “Luka no longer unbranded horse,” a reference to his trade away from Dallas ([00:03:15])
• Rory McIlroy: A caller impersonating Rory McIlroy called in during the E-Brake segment, referencing winning his second Masters (“green jacket”) and beating Scottie Scheffler ([00:07:54]–[00:08:17])

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• Mike questioned whether Gordo could play The Outfield’s guitar riffs, and Gordo got slightly defensive when Mike implied the riffs weren’t difficult ([00:06:34]–[00:06:42])
• George made a joke comparing aging singer Steve Perry’s voice to Robert Kennedy Jr.’s, which Mike pushed back on, saying “his family hasn’t been through enough” ([00:02:31]–[00:02:39])

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Phone Callers

• A caller asked if EA messed up his ticker read because “he’s gay” — then immediately self-corrected to “blind” — getting a bewildered reaction from the hosts ([00:07:33]–[00:07:44])
• A caller doing a Rory McIlroy impression called in to vote for “the bubbles” (Davey Lane’s bubble voice) in the E-Brake ([00:07:54]–[00:08:23])
• A caller voting for EA, with the hosts noting he had called the previous week with a compliment and was “the nicest guy in the world” ([00:09:43]–[00:10:04])
• “Coco” called in — apparently a regular caller who does the Koko bit — and shared a joke Koko had wanted to play on the returning Artemis astronauts: getting all humans to dress in ape costumes when they landed. Coco and “the spirit of Gus Grissom” voted for Bob ([00:08:51]–[00:09:38])
• A caller voted for Davey Lane, described only as saying “nice muffin” ([00:10:08]–[00:10:13])
• A caller voted for “EA sports” ([00:10:18]–[00:10:22])

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• Marge’s elaborate fake backstory with George, including the line: *”most of that was that swim trunk Johnson he had”* and ending with her needing to drain a cyst before the free clinic closed — *”coffee can of puss in a few hours of relief”* ([00:03:48]–[00:05:19])
• George’s reaction to Marge’s monologue: *”I didn’t know you or this fictitious woman you’re talking about”* ([00:03:15])
• Gordo’s devastation at learning Tony Lewis had died: *”the answer is no, he cannot talk anymore because he has passed away”* — delivered matter-of-factly after Mike asked if his voice held up ([00:02:13])
• Tony Lewis doing a Donald Duck voice for the entire Ticket interview while wearing a two-foot jester hat ([00:04:21]–[00:08:37])
• Mike’s self-deprecating riff about his 60-pound weight gain affecting his running, pantomiming his chest hitting him in the eye ([00:08:47]–[00:09:12])
• The Walter Cronkite/Buddy Holly bit, culminating in George doing a Cronkite voice announcing: *”This one goes out to former President Kennedy”* before singing Peggy Sue ([00:13:14]–[00:13:43])
• Gordo saying he wanted Davey Lane’s bubble voice clip — *”nothing but… oh my God… keep talking”* — as his ringtone ([00:05:38]–[00:05:43])
• Koko noting that “lower heaven” is full of “too many school shooters and Betty White,” and that Betty White is fighting school shooters with a silver bat ([00:00:46]–[00:04:16])

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E-Brake Candidates

• Candidate 1 — EA Azad: Botched a ticker read by giving Charlotte’s score (89-83 over Miami) without initially identifying Miami as the opponent, and with confusing 7-8 seed bracket language ([00:01:44]–[00:02:09])
• Candidate 2 — Bob (Hard Line): Jumped the gun on a live read, confidently launched into a D&M Auto Leasing ad a full hour early, then had to awkwardly recover ([00:03:04]–[00:04:52])
• Candidate 3 — Davey Lane (Hard Line): Got hit with a severe case of “bubble voice” mid-conversation while discussing Sedona and med spas, producing the phrase *”nothing but… oh my God… keep talking”* in a squeaky, involuntary falsetto ([00:05:02]–[00:07:13])

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• Extended tribute to The Outfield and their album *Play Deep*, with multiple song clips played on air
• Discussion of Buddy Holly, his death at the Surf Ballroom in Clear Lake, Iowa, and Gordo’s claim to have once worn Buddy Holly’s death watch at an auction ([00:13:47]–[00:14:19])
• Walter Cronkite’s announcement of JFK’s assassination referenced and riffed upon ([00:12:29]–[00:13:43])
• The Swedish zinc mine marathon in Garpenberg, still a working mine during the race, with stifling underground heat and humidity ([00:09:14]–[00:15:15])
• Gordo mentioned developing claustrophobia in his later years, tracing it to a visit to Longhorn Caverns ([00:10:23]–[00:10:50])
• A reference to a school production controversy involving a principal banning boys from playing female roles, invoking Shakespeare as precedent ([00:00:03]–[00:00:45] in E-Brake intro)

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3-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the April 25, 2026 Musers show opened with Gordo’s Marge Schwimdiddler character calling in — as she apparently does regularly for George — spinning a wildly absurdist fictional backstory involving a high school swim class, a doomed Olympic team, a romance with George, being pushed off a building, and ending with a graceless exit to get a cyst drained at a free clinic. The bit was clearly designed to embarrass and unsettle George while delighting Mike Rhyner, who was sitting in. Marge remains one of Gordo’s most committed recurring characters, and the hosts noted she “always shows off” when there’s a guest.

The Observation Deck took a sharp left turn away from sports almost immediately, as Mike’s offhand mention of hearing The Outfield on the radio the previous day sent Gordo into a deeply emotional appreciation segment. Multiple songs from *Play Deep* were played on air, Gordo revealed that both John Spinks and Tony Lewis have since died, and he shared a firsthand story about the band performing at the old Ticket studios in the late 1990s — memorable mostly because Tony Lewis conducted the entire interview in a Donald Duck voice while wearing a jester hat. The segment then wandered through a Swedish underground mine marathon, Mike’s self-deprecating weight-gain jokes, and an extended absurdist bit imagining Walter Cronkite announcing JFK’s death while simultaneously channeling Buddy Holly.

The Koko the Gorilla and E-Brake segments rounded out the portion with two of the show’s most listener-interactive formats. Koko — calling from “lower heaven,” which is apparently overcrowded with school shooters and Betty White — weighed in on Paige Bueckers joining the Wings, the Stars’ NHL playoff bracket, and Luka’s departure from Dallas before the connection dropped. The E-Brake featured three strong candidates: EA Azad’s confusing ticker read, Bob from the Hard Line jumping a live read a full hour early with full broadcaster confidence, and Davey Lane’s spectacular bubble voice moment on the Hard Line, which produced the phrase “nothing but… oh my God… keep talking” and became an instant fan favorite for Gordo’s ringtone. Callers included a Rory McIlroy impersonator, a returning Coco caller, and a notably kind listener who simply wanted to compliment the show.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis of Final Portion — The Musers, April 2026

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Segments That Appeared

• Observation Deck (4/17/2026) — Gordo’s philosophical/conversational segment. He discussed a real news story about a Florida doctor indicted after removing the wrong organ (the liver instead of the spleen) from a 70-year-old patient who died on the table. The segment spiraled into a “would you rather” discussion about manner vs. date of death, and whether you’d open an envelope revealing how you die.

• Fake Bruce Bochy (4/16/2026) — A comedic bit in which the Musers “called” former Rangers manager Bruce Bochy on his 71st birthday. A character voice (almost certainly Gordo) played “Bruce” in a darkly funny, world-weary persona — porch-sitting, pain-ridden, whiskey-hiding, honey-do-list-dreading, and disappointedly uninvited to the LIV Seniors Tour.

• You’re an Ass If (4/16/2026) — Craig Miller (“Junior”) hosted this recurring segment where listeners submit scenarios asking for a ruling on who was the jerk. Five listener scenarios were adjudicated by the hosts.

• Observation Deck (4/16/2026) — This appears in the transcript as a duplicate of the Fake Bruce Bochy segment content, suggesting a possible mislabeling or file overlap in the transcript. The content is identical to the Fake Bruce Bochy segment.

• Pre-segment clip (unlabeled, ~[00:10:23]) — A brief segment before the labeled portions involving phone callers voting on something (possibly a sports prediction game or E-Break contest). A caller named “EA Azad” won, earning his fifth E-Break win, moving him ahead of a tie with Elf, Sean, and Matt McLaren — and still 135 behind the all-time leader, Norm.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Texas Rangers — Fake Bruce Bochy mentioned staying in touch with former players Nate, Wyatt, and Corey, and referenced his tenure managing the Rangers to a World Series title.
• LIV Golf / LIV Seniors Tour — Fake Bochy joked he had received a certified letter from Saudi Arabia rescinding his invitation to the LIV Seniors Tour.
• Rory McIlroy — Briefly referenced in the Observation Deck segment (4/17) in the context of a Jim Nance joke; one host noted Rory had “gone back to back” (apparently winning consecutive major titles), and another quipped that “only Jack, Tiger, and my old colleague Nick Faldo” had done what Rory did.
• NBA Play-In — A brief news update mentioned Charlotte (9 seed) leading Miami (10 seed) 89-83 at the end of the third quarter in a play-in game.
• E-Break contest — Caller EA Azad picked winners (including Ben Hogan, Tiger, and Bill Parcells named by a caller as oddly as possible) and won his fifth E-Break, moving solo ahead in the standings.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• Fake Bruce Bochy — The extended Bochy character voice was the comedic highlight of this portion. Standout lines included:
• Describing himself as “smelling like a combination of wet leather and regret.”
• Comparing his grandkids’ stick figure drawings to “ancient drawings I’ve erased off of countless cave walls just to have a non-distracting place to sleep at night.”
• Hiding a bottle in “an old pile of rags” before tinkering with a 1936 Ford he “pulled out of a barn with an underpowered lawn tractor.”
• Taking expensive single malt scotch gifted by Nate (Lowe), combining it with seven other scotches, then using the blend as fuel for a moonshine still, drinking the result from mason jars while watching “a stray dog tear through a rabbit” — before returning to a Cormac McCarthy novel he was “not reading.”
• Being disinvited from the LIV Seniors Tour via certified letter from Saudi Arabia, and pivoting to a plan involving riding a quarter horse to Mexico.

• Observation Deck death envelope hypothetical — Gordo’s escalating “would you rather” game about manner vs. date of death got absurd when he proposed a three-way envelope swap where no one knows whose death they’re reading, leading Craig to declare: *”If you do come to my memorial service or funeral, you will be frisked.”*

• Jim Nance running gag — Throughout the Observation Deck segment, Junior kept inserting Jim Nance (the golf announcer) as a recurring presence — first as the doctor telling the widow about her husband, then as a greeter at the pearly gates: *”Welcome to Augusta. There’s Jim Nance, Abraham Lincoln, and a validator.”*

• Chewbacca golf — George offhandedly suggested playing Augusta in heaven with Chewbacca, leading Gordo to riff that Chewbacca “has really good feel around the greens” but would hit every putt 500 yards.

• E-Break caller — A caller voted for Ben Hogan, Tiger Woods, and Bill Parcells in what seemed to be a sports picks contest, prompting one host to call it “might be the strangest vote ever.”

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Phone Callers

• Multiple callers participated in the pre-segment E-Break/picks contest, including the winning caller who voted for EA Azad and picked “Sting Royal over DKSC.”
• The “You’re an Ass If” segment featured listener submissions (read on-air) from P1 Jason, P1 Richard, P1 JD, P1 Keith, and P1 Joe — no live callers, but listener-written scenarios.

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Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

• Left lane / speeding take (Gordo, “You’re an Ass If”): Gordo made a declarative ruling: *”Anytime you’re articulating the argument ‘I’m going faster than the speed limit and that’s not fast enough for this other guy,’ you already lost the argument.”* He firmly sided with the faster driver’s right to pass, regardless of how fast the lead car is going.
• Running up the score: The hosts unanimously ruled that a football team winning 91-8 was NOT running up the score since starters came out early, a running clock was used, and a delay-of-game penalty was taken intentionally. George’s take: *”Just tell that other team to suck less.”*

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The final labeled segment (You’re an Ass If) ended with Craig wrapping up the last road rage scenario and noting wryly: *”I did not mean for this segment to raise everybody’s blood pressure.”* Gordo replied: *”That’s another edition of You’re an Ass.”* There were no explicit previews of upcoming segments or formal sign-offs captured in this portion of the transcript.

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Notable Final Quotes

• *”I just need some solitude so I can sit and think about my regrets and grizzle my voice with one more Winston before I have to go in and face her honey-do list one more time without having a bad back.”* — Fake Bruce Bochy
• *”I don’t want you a part of anything that has to do with my situation… And if you do come to my memorial service or funeral, you will be frisked.”* — Craig, to Gordo, regarding the death envelope hypothetical
• *”Welcome to the other side… maybe all of a sudden you’re on the first fairway at Augusta. There’s Jim Nance, Abraham Lincoln, and a validator.”* — Junior
• *”That’s not what Jim Nance said to the widow in the surgical waiting room.”* — Gordo, deadpanning the absurdity of inserting Jim Nance into a story about a botched surgery

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the Musers opened with a brief pre-segment clip involving an E-Break picks contest, in which a caller voting for EA Azad pushed him to his fifth all-time E-Break win, separating him from a tie in the standings. That lighter moment gave way to one of the stronger Observation Deck segments in the portion: Gordo detailed the disturbing real-life case of a Florida doctor indicted after removing a patient’s liver instead of his spleen during a laparoscopic surgery — the patient died, and the spleen turned out to have only a treatable cyst. The story launched a characteristically Gordo philosophical tangent about manner versus date of death, featuring an elaborate hypothetical about envelopes containing the secrets of how each host would die, with Craig firmly refusing to let Gordo have any advance knowledge of his fate and threatening to have him frisked at his own funeral. The Jim Nance-as-grim-reaper-at-Augusta gag ran throughout as a recurring comedic thread.

The centerpiece bit of this portion was the Fake Bruce Bochy segment, timed to Bochy’s real 71st birthday on April 16th. Gordo voiced “Bruce” as a magnificently bleak character — a sun-weathered, pain-ridden old man who hides whiskey in rags, distills gifted single malt scotch into rot-gut moonshine, dismisses his grandkids’ birthday drawings as less impressive than cave paintings, and had just received a certified letter from Saudi Arabia rescinding his LIV Seniors Tour invitation. The bit ended with Fake Bruce planning to ride a quarter horse to Mexico for comfort. It was a masterclass in Gordo’s absurdist, darkly comic character work, with George and Craig feeding him straight lines effectively throughout.

The segment closed with Craig’s recurring “You’re an Ass If” feature, working through a backlog of listener-submitted etiquette dilemmas: a neighbor’s Christmas light show blaring music into someone’s living room, urinal spacing violations, a lopsided football score, a phone-distracted self-checkout customer causing a backup, and a left-lane road rage confrontation. The hosts reached consensus rulings on each — notably, Gordo delivered a firm and somewhat philosophical ruling on the highway scenario, arguing that once you’re making the case that your illegal speed isn’t fast enough for someone else, you’ve already lost the moral argument. The segment ended with Craig acknowledging that the discussion had inadvertently raised everyone’s blood pressure, and Gordo cheerfully closing it out.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.