The Musers — 2026-02-01
The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Sunday, February 1, 2026
📋 Segments This Day
- Norm The Goose The Musers 1302026
- Jub Watches TV The Musers 1302026
- E-Brake The Musers 1302026
- Observation Deck The Musers 1302026
🎙️ Early Show Analysis
Analysis: The Musers — 2026-02-01 (Partial Transcript)
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Segments That Appeared
- “Norm and the Goose” (00:00:00): A recurring Gordo comedic bit featuring two fictional sports expert characters — “Norm” (Norman Hitchkiss, with absurd middle names cycling each time) and “The Goose” (a parody of real-life NFL writer Rick Gosselin). The bit is framed as a Super Bowl preview interview, with Norm asking questions that “Goose” answers before they’re fully asked. The Goose repeatedly adds “and I’m horny” as a non-sequitur sign-off to his football analysis.
- “Jub Watches TV” (00:00:00 in second segment): Junior (Craig Miller) recommends several things he watched during what appears to have been an ice/winter weather event that kept people at home. He discusses a Netflix murder mystery, a film called *Train Dreams*, and a documentary about Paul Anka.
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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable Quotes
- [00:00:54] “Norm and the Goose” bit: Gordo voices “Norm,” who introduces himself with increasingly absurd full names each time — “Norman Bin Laden Hitchkiss,” “Norman Caligula Hitchkiss,” “Norman BTK Hitchkiss,” “Norman the Gooner Emeritus Hitchkiss,” “Norman Bear Bear Hitchkiss” — escalating to darker historical/criminal references with each iteration.
- [00:01:22] Norm introduces Goose as “a man who once slapped an intern so hard that she spent three weeks in the ICU. But she never messed up his coffee again.”
- [00:01:32] Norm’s intro of Goose: “He knows as much about Star Trek as he doesn’t know about the female anatomy.”
- [00:02:47] / [00:03:08] / [00:04:08] The Goose repeatedly appends “and I’m horny” to otherwise straight football analysis, a running gag throughout the bit.
- [00:03:14] “The Goose” predicts: “Seahawks, 34 to 10… Seahawks are five-point favorites, should be 15-point favorites” — delivered with complete confidence as parody sports punditry.
- [00:03:36] Norm: “You answered that question with some sort of epistemological authority that an omniscient deity could only possess. Goose, you truly are a miracle of virginity.”
- [00:04:51–00:04:59] Gordo (as Norm/Goose): “You answered with that sexual authority that my own nipples stood up and pointed to my dead loved ones in heaven.”
- [00:05:09] A host notes the audio is “so overmodulated” — a rare moment of the real show bleeding through the bit.
- [00:05:20] Norm signs off: “My face is drooping and I smell toast” — a joke about having a stroke — before the segment collapses into “Malfunction! Malfunction!” repeated several times.
- [00:01:45–00:01:50] The Goose’s stated life goal: “My goal is simply to outlive you and you alone.”
- [00:03:04] (Jub Watches TV) When Junior mentions Joel Edgerton’s name, a host says: “That’s a name that needs to be edited… Edgerton? That’s a hard name for me to say.” — a light moment.
- [00:03:03] (Jub Watches TV) When Junior asks who has had a Billboard Top 100 hit in seven straight decades, one host guesses “Slim Whitman” before another correctly guesses Paul Anka.
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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced
- “Norm and the Goose” is a recurring Gordo character bit, apparently a parody of a real NFL media figure (Rick Gosselin, longtime Dallas-area football writer). The bit is a well-established Ticket recurring segment.
- “Hemet’s Way” — [00:08:58] A reference to an apparent Ticket inside joke or parody song (“Hemet’s Way,” a spin on “My Way”), with one host mentioning a “Merle Miller” connection and original letters in his files. This appears to be a long-running Ticket in-joke.
- “On the Ticket” — [00:07:10–00:07:14] There’s a brief moment where it sounds like Paul Anka’s audio clip says “on the ticket,” prompting an amused aside from the hosts: “On our show?” / “Yeah, we’re going to do it on our show.”
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Sports Topics Discussed
- Super Bowl 60 Preview (Norm and the Goose segment): The bit references the upcoming Super Bowl, with “Goose” predicting a Seahawks victory over New England (34–10), calling the Seahawks five-point favorites who “should be 15-point favorites,” and naming Seahawks quarterback Sam Darnold as Super Bowl MVP. He describes Darnold’s story as “one of the most improbable journeys in NFL history — once regarded as a bust, now Super Bowl MVP.” [00:03:14–00:04:08]
- Bill Belichick and the Pro Football Hall of Fame: “Goose” explains Belichick was not voted in as a first-year eligible candidate due to Spygate, comparing the sentiment to baseball writers punishing steroid-era players. He predicts Belichick “will get in next year for sure.” [00:02:36–00:02:47]
- San Francisco as Super Bowl host city: “Goose” says he “absolutely loves it” and is heading out the next day, joking he’ll tour Silicon Valley tech companies and “might jump from the Golden Gate Bridge.” [00:04:30–00:04:46]
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Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed
- Junior (Jub Watches TV) offers a fairly strong take on *His & Hers* on Netflix: he calls the acting “absolutely soap opera-esque and terrible” but acknowledges its addictive quality, giving it a “thumbs sideways” with a note that “you feel guilty after you watch it.” [00:00:29–00:01:14]
- Junior gives an enthusiastic recommendation for *Train Dreams*, calling it “one of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen,” though he acknowledges it’s “slow moving” and may not be everyone’s cup of tea. [00:01:19–00:02:07]
- Junior expresses genuine surprise and new respect for Paul Anka after watching a documentary, calling him arguably the greatest songwriter of all time based on his prolific output (900+ songs, 130 albums, 90 million albums sold, Billboard Top 100 hits in seven straight decades). [00:02:14–00:09:22]
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Summary
This portion of the February 1, 2026 Musers broadcast opens with one of Gordo’s most well-known recurring comedy bits: “Norm and the Goose,” a pre-Super Bowl parody interview segment featuring two fictional sports expert characters. Gordo voices “Norm” — who introduces himself each time with a new, increasingly dark or absurd middle name — and “The Goose,” a parody of real NFL writer Rick Gosselin, known for his clipped, authoritative delivery. The bit satirizes sports punditry broadly, with Goose delivering confident predictions (Seahawks over New England, Sam Darnold MVP) before questions are fully asked, and repeatedly signing off with “and I’m horny.” The segment ends in escalating chaos, with Norm describing stroke symptoms and the characters descending into a “Malfunction!” loop before the hosts send it off as Super Bowl 60 prep.
The second segment, “Jub Watches TV,” has Junior (Craig Miller) sharing what he watched during what appears to have been a recent stretch of icy weather that kept people homebound in the Dallas area. He gives a measured mixed review to the Netflix murder mystery *His & Hers* — calling it compulsively watchable despite terrible acting — and a warm recommendation for the Oscar-nominated film *Train Dreams*, starring Joel Edgerton. The centerpiece of the segment is Junior’s enthusiastic endorsement of a Paul Anka documentary, which clearly shifted his opinion of Anka from “Vegas guy who played a few songs” to a genuine appreciation for one of pop music’s most prolific writers.
The Paul Anka discussion becomes a mini-deep-dive into music history, touching on Anka’s teenage rise to fame, his tours with Buddy Holly and Fats Domino, his pivot to nightclubs after the British Invasion, and ultimately his writing of “My Way” for a retiring Frank Sinatra — a melody he’d previously bought for nearly nothing from a French songwriter. The hosts also briefly riff on the Ticket inside joke of “Hemet’s Way,” a parody version of “My Way” that appears to be part of the station’s long-running lore. One host mentions having an original letter from a “Merle Miller” related to “Hemet’s Way” in his files, suggesting a desire to eventually build a “Ticket online archive or museum.”
⏰ Mid-Show Analysis
Analysis: The Musers — 2026-02-01 (Middle Portion)
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Segments That Appeared
- Jub Watches TV — Junior (Jub) discussed a Paul Anka documentary on HBO called *My Way*, detailing Anka’s career highlights, songwriting credits, longevity, and personal connections. Ended with Jub declaring Paul Anka “P1 of the week.”
- E-Brake of the Week — The weekly segment where listeners vote on the best/worst on-air meltdown or blunder from across Ticket shows. Three candidates were presented from the previous week’s programming.
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Segments Breakdown — E-Brake Candidates
- Candidate #1 — Davey (from another Ticket show): During an entertainment news segment about a Kendall Jenner Super Bowl commercial, co-host Corby added that Kendall was dating Devin Booker. Davey, already frustrated with Kardashian coverage, exploded with “No, Jesus effing F” before catching himself. The hosts noted Davey was under extra stress — his toddler was in the studio that week and he was about to cover the Super Bowl in ridiculous outfits.
- Candidate #2 — Sean Bass (from another Ticket show): Sean delivered a joke after a Florida man news story about a Roomba incident — “Sounds like a Goomba” — and was met with complete silence and only belated, pitying support. The segment was played twice because the hosts found the long silence after the joke so funny.
- Candidate #3 — Donovan Lewis: Donovan struggled noticeably through a live Prize Picks ad read, stumbling and slowing down mid-copy while reading about Sam Darnold needing one passing yard.
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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners
- The pre-segment bit involved hosts throwing an empty Diet Coke bottle into a trash can and repeatedly missing, with one host doing a “Tiger Woods walk-off” after narrowly missing — then being immediately called out: *”Yeah, but you didn’t make it.”* [00:00:36]
- Someone missing a “George Gervin layup” from three inches away with the bottle. [00:00:47]
- Sean Bass’s “Sounds like a Goomba” joke landing in dead silence — played twice for maximum comedic effect. [00:06:02 / replay at 00:06:07]
- One host noting the joke got “our first reference of gooning in 2026.” [00:06:13]
- George deadpanning that Sean’s eventual sympathy laugh from a co-host sounded like “sympathy support from Mino.” [00:06:24]
- Gordo’s prior dismissal of Paul Anka: *”Kind of sounds like Sanka. I know he did a commercial for Kodak in the 70s.”* [00:14:14]
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Phone Callers
- A caller identifying himself as “Coach O” called in at the end of the E-Brake segment to vote. [00:08:32]
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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics
- Paul Anka documentary (*My Way*, HBO) — Jub gave an extended, enthusiastic recap:
- Anka is 84 and still performing, with upcoming Florida dates
- He wrote “She’s a Lady” for Tom Jones [00:09:34]
- He wrote “Let Me Try Again” for Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. [00:10:08]
- He co-wrote songs with Michael Jackson around the *Thriller* era; those songs were held back and released posthumously, including “This Is It” with Justin Timberlake [00:11:11]
- “Put Your Head on My Shoulders” became a TikTok sensation in 2021 and re-entered the Billboard charts; Doja Cat did a mashup [00:12:14]
- Anka has had hits in seven different decades and written over 700 songs [00:12:36 / 00:12:43]
- Sid Vicious covered “My Way” [00:14:00]
- Paul Anka is Jason Bateman’s father-in-law (Bateman married Anka’s daughter Amanda) [00:13:23]
- Kendall Jenner / Kardashians: Briefly discussed in the context of the E-Brake clip — a Super Bowl commercial pre-release, and the hosts’ general fatigue with Kardashian news coverage.
- Florida man / Roomba story: A news item from another Ticket show about a Florida man arrested for a sexual act with a Roomba outside his home was featured as part of the E-Brake segment.
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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements
- George gently pushed back on Jub’s Paul Anka enthusiasm, questioning whether the posthumous Michael Jackson song was better than anything on *Thriller* — then partially conceded: *”Better than anything on Thriller, except maybe Billie Jean.”* [00:11:42–00:11:47]
- George also needled Jub about whether Paul Anka might be lip-syncing in his live shows given his age and dancing. [00:10:02]
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Summary
This portion of the show opened with the tail end of a Jub Watches TV segment, in which Junior gave a glowing, detailed review of the HBO documentary *My Way*, about Paul Anka. Jub, who admitted he’d had little previous opinion on Anka, came away genuinely impressed — highlighting Anka’s remarkable songwriting resume, his co-writing credits with Michael Jackson, his TikTok-era revival, and his continued performing at age 84. The segment had a warm, discovery-driven tone, with George and the others reacting with genuine surprise at revelations like Anka being Jason Bateman’s father-in-law and having co-written posthumously released Michael Jackson tracks. Jub closed by naming Paul Anka the “P1 of the week” and recommending the documentary.
The show then moved into the weekly E-Brake segment, which began with a playful in-studio bit of hosts tossing an empty Diet Coke bottle at a trash can and repeatedly missing in spectacular fashion. The three E-Brake candidates were drawn from other Ticket shows during the previous week: Davey’s profanity-laced meltdown over Corby casually mentioning Kendall Jenner’s dating history mid-segment; Sean Bass’s joke about a Florida man and a Roomba — “Sounds like a Goomba” — being met with total, crushing silence; and Donovan Lewis visibly struggling and swerving through a live Prize Picks ad read.
The Sean Bass clip was clearly the fan favorite in the room, played twice because the hosts found the silence following the joke so perfectly painful. George and the others dissected what makes that kind of dead-air moment so compelling in radio, with one host noting it was “the first reference of gooning in 2026.” A caller named Coach O phoned in to cast his vote as the segment headed toward its conclusion.
🏁 Final Hour Analysis
Segments in This Portion
E-Brake (The Musers 1302026)
The E-Brake segment is a recurring bit where hosts and listeners vote on the funniest/best submission of the day. Callers phoned in to cast their votes, and Sean Bass ultimately won with his “Florida man performing a sexual act with his Roomba” story, which prompted the “goon-ba” pun. This was Sean Bass’s 4th E-Brake win all-time, tying him with “Elf.”
Observation Deck (The Musers 1302026)
Gordo’s regular solo segment covering a range of loosely connected observations and topics. This installment covered: icy road conditions on his morning commute, TV broadcast picture quality and 4K upscaling, passive-aggressive friendship phrases, and Tesla/Elon Musk potentially shifting away from consumer vehicles toward robo-taxis and Optimus humanoid robots.
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Sports Topics Discussed
- Super Bowl [00:01:20]: Noted as the last true national communal TV event, compared to old finales like M*A*S*H. Discussion of whether the Super Bowl broadcast will be in true 4K ultra HD.
- TV broadcast quality of NFL games [00:02:00–00:06:00]: George noted NBC has the best picture quality among NFL broadcasters; Fox and CBS may still be delivering 720p or 1080i. Amazon Thursday Night Football called out for poor picture quality.
- Cooper Flag [00:10:54]: Briefly mentioned — scored 49 points the previous night, used as an example of annoying internet sports phrases like “[Player] doing [Player] things.”
- Mark Cuban’s early HD network [00:06:38]: Referenced in the context of HD TV history, circa 2002–2003.
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Phone Callers
- [00:08:38] “Coach O” — Voted “F and F up front” (Franco and Frisco, or similar E-Brake shorthand), said he’d had 37 interviews in the coaching cycle without landing one. Signed off with “Go Tigers.”
- [00:08:56] Caller requesting “McMurtry karaoke” — Asked Craig to reprise a bit about “Uncle Slayton” and his “Asian bride,” referencing a James McMurtry lyric.
- [00:09:23] “Brady Tom” — Regular caller; voted for entry number two, with a self-deprecating joke about knowing how it feels when a joke isn’t funny.
- [00:10:12] “Super Quadruple Super Fight Cafe” — Voted for “Baby Lane,” agreeing with George that nobody cares about the Kardashians.
- [00:10:33] E-Break Man — Delivered a Phil Collins birthday tribute with an improvised lyric: *”I can feel the cold, we’re coming in tonight.”*
- [00:11:03] “Aston Villa” — Brief caller whose entire message was “Aston Villa,” explained as a shoutout to Sean Bass’s Premier League team.
- [00:11:19] Cruz and Lito — Voted for Sean Bass and asked Gordo to explain what Olin Mills was to younger listeners. Gordo described it as a portrait studio chain with soft-filter photography and generic props; Craig looked it up and confirmed it was founded in 1932 and went out of business around 2011.
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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits
- “Goon-ba” pun [00:12:36]: Sean Bass’s E-Brake entry about a Florida man caught performing a sexual act with his Roomba outdoors prompted the instant pun “Sounds like a goon-ba,” which was immediately called a potential Line of the Week and noted as “the first reference to gooning in 2026.”
- McMurtry karaoke [00:09:07]: A caller got the hosts to reprise a bit involving the lyric “Uncle Slayton’s got his Texan pride back in the thickets with his Asian bride,” drawing a correction from someone: “Not *very* Asian, just Asian.”
- Phil Collins birthday tribute [00:10:34]: E-Break Man sang an improvised cold-weather version of “In the Air Tonight.”
- Passive-aggressive “it’s fine” callback [00:17:02]: Gordo brought the passive-aggressive phrases list full circle by using several of them in succession against George at the end of the segment, including “it’s fine,” “I guess we just see things differently,” and “it’s okay to be different… I mean, I’m not saying that…”
- Hologram TV fantasy [00:08:51–00:09:14]: Gordo described wanting hologram TV so NFL players would be playing in his living room while he sits in his underwear — “I want to sit in my underwear and have NFL players entertain me in my living room.”
- Robot future escalation [00:17:17–00:17:40]: Gordo’s riff on humanoid robots in every household ended with the vision of every family member having their own robot, the robots coordinating family schedules, the humans retreating to their rooms to watch “40K” TV and “having constant orgasms” — capped with George’s deadpan “Wow, anyway.”
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How the Show Wrapped Up
The Observation Deck segment ended somewhat abruptly with Gordo’s escalating riff about humanoid robots, robo-taxis, and a dystopian but comedic vision of humans rendered completely passive by technology. George punctuated the whole thing with a stunned “Wow, anyway,” effectively closing out the segment. No explicit previews of upcoming segments were given in this portion of the transcript.
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Notable Quotes
- *”Sounds like a goon-ba.”* — Sean Bass [00:12:36], on the Florida man/Roomba story (immediate E-Brake winner and potential Line of the Week)
- *”That was our first reference of gooning in 2026.”* — [00:12:52]
- *”I want to sit in my underwear and have NFL players entertain me in my living room.”* — Gordo [00:09:08]
- *”You weren’t allowed to say it then and you’re not allowed to say anything now. It’s fine.”* — Gordo [00:16:57], on people who warned about AI/robots being vindicated
- *”Just having constant orgasms. Wow, anyway.”* — Gordo/George [00:17:38], closing the segment
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Three-Paragraph Summary
The final portion of this Musers broadcast opened with the conclusion of the E-Brake segment, in which callers phoned in rapid-fire votes for the day’s best submission. A parade of regular callers — including Coach O, Brady Tom, Cruz and Lito, and E-Break Man — weighed in with votes and bits of their own, including a McMurtry karaoke reprise and a Phil Collins cold-weather parody. The winner was Sean Bass, whose Florida man/Roomba story earned both the vote and an instant pun — “Sounds like a goon-ba” — that the hosts flagged as a potential Line of the Week. It was Sean Bass’s fourth all-time E-Brake win, tying him with “Elf” on the all-time list, still 136 behind the leader Norm.
The Observation Deck segment began with Gordo recounting a nerve-wracking icy commute and transitioned into an extended discussion about the disappointing state of high-definition sports broadcasting. With help from a listener tip, Gordo explained that most so-called 4K NFL broadcasts are actually upscaled 1080p, with Fox and CBS potentially still delivering older 720p or 1080i feeds — meaning viewers never actually see the premium picture quality they expect. George confirmed that NBC has the best picture among NFL broadcasters, while Amazon’s Thursday Night Football was singled out as particularly blurry. The conversation meandered nostalgically through the history of flat-screen TVs, Mark Cuban’s early HD network, and the irony that cheap 100-inch TVs now cost $199 but still come with terrible built-in speakers.
Gordo then pivoted to a list of passive-aggressive friendship phrases — including “wow, must be nice,” “I thought we were closer than that,” “you do you,” and “it’s fine” — leading to a comic riff about how “calm down” is the nuclear option in any relationship. The segment closed with a brief but escalating discussion about Tesla potentially exiting the consumer car market in favor of robo-taxis and Optimus humanoid robots, with Gordo noting with dark irony that everyone who warned about the risks of AI was mocked and silenced, and now aren’t allowed to say “I told you so” either. The whole thing culminated in Gordo’s vision of a future where every household member has their own personal robot, humans do nothing, and everyone sits in their rooms watching 40K TV — George closing the segment with a perfectly timed “Wow, anyway.”
Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.
