The Musers — 2026-01-11

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Sunday, January 11, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Fake Jason Kidd The Musers 192026
• E-Brake The Musers 192026
• Observation Deck The Musers 192026
• Fake Mack Brown The Musers 182026
• Birthday Talk The Musers 182026
• Observation Deck The Musers 182026
• Dr Carlton Maxwell The Musers 172026
• Observation Deck The Musers 172026
• Craig Goes to New Mexico The Musers 162026
• Observation Deck The Musers 162026
• Fake Stephen Jones The Musers 162026

---

🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers from January 11, 2026:

—

Segments in This Portion

• Fake Jason Kidd — A recurring Gordo comedy bit in which someone impersonates Mavericks head coach Jason Kidd on a fake “interview” call. The “Kidd” character responds to every common idiom or figure of speech (e.g., “blood boil,” “China doll,” “guns blazing,” “bent out of shape,” “grasping at straws”) with literal, absurdist deconstructions, refusing to engage with the actual sports questions.

• E-Brake — The weekly Emergency Brake of the Week segment, in which the three worst on-air blunders from the past week are nominated and listeners vote for the winner via phone calls.

• Observation Deck — A feature segment hosted by Gordo (brought to you by Tyler George-Icare) in which he conducted a real sit-down interview with 1970s–80s teen pop star Shaun Cassidy, who was performing at the Granada Theater in Dallas that evening.

—

E-Brake Segment

• The three candidates for E-Brake of the Week were:
• Candidate 1 — Davey Lane (The Hard Line): Davey attempted a “dump and chase” on air — deliberately saying something borderline (in this case, apparently trying to describe “hentai” on the air) relying on the broadcast delay dump button to catch it. It was caught in time, but the hosts noted it was a dangerous habit and that the delay equipment had previously failed on the station, resulting in “a week in exile.”
• Candidate 2 — Baldy (The Musers update anchor): Baldy had two flubs in the same week. First, during a football update, he blanked on who the Bears lost to and said “…fall to the somebody 19-16…” and also referred to the Eagles losing to “the Manders.” Second, while reading a Mavericks update as the flagship station, he started to say the game was “here on the Tick—” before catching himself and saying “…not on the Tick, just in general.”
• Candidate 3 — Matt McLaren (The Invasion): While discussing the Cowboys’ salary cap situation with Donovan, McLaren blended the words “finagle” and “massage” and accidentally said “they’ll menage” — as in ménage à trois — then doubled down by saying “they’ve got to menage it.” He also wrongly announced “it’s 12:58” when it was actually 12:28, claiming he was trying to get off the air.

• Winner: Matt McLaren, with his “menage” slip winning the vote. The stat keeper noted it was McLaren’s third E-Brake win, putting him 137 behind the all-time leader, who reached 140.

• A reference was made to a former Dallas radio show hosted by “Ron and Don,” who apparently talked about ménage frequently — a show Gordo was reportedly obsessed with.

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• Mavericks: The Fake Jason Kidd segment was prompted by the Mavs losing a close game in Utah the previous night. Cooper Flagg was mentioned as the new cornerstone the team is building around (following the trade of Luka Dončić). During the E-Brake, Baldy’s flub also referenced a Cooper Flagg career-high of 42 points in a 140-133 overtime loss to the Jazz.
• Cowboys (mentioned in E-Brake context): The McLaren/Donovan discussion that produced the E-Brake winner was about the Cowboys’ salary cap situation — specifically the difficulty of paying both CeeDee Lamb (~$34M) and Josh Pickens (~$31–32M) while managing Dak Prescott’s $74M cap hit, which would need to be restructured using void years.
• NFL scores mentioned by Baldy (in E-Brake clip): Jaguars 41, Titans 7 (securing AFC South); Texans 38, Colts 30 (AFC 5 seed, with Riley Leonard mentioned); Bills 35, Jets 8 (Mitch Trubisky 4 TDs); Bears 19-16 loss (opponent blanked as “the somebody”); Eagles losing to “the Manders” 24-17. These appear to reference a late-season NFL week.
• Mike McDaniel/Dolphins: Briefly mentioned in a Baldy clip — McDaniel going 35-33 in four seasons with Miami.

—

Debates or Strong Opinions

• The hosts debated whether Davey Lane’s repeated “dump and chase” behavior was reckless, with the consensus being that he has an “employment death wish” and that one day the dump delay won’t save him — noting it has happened before at the station, resulting in punishment.
• George expressed that he thought Davey was “better than that.”

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Fake Jason Kidd was the centerpiece comedy bit. Highlights included:
• [00:00:24] “Kidd” responding to “makes your blood boil” with a lengthy pseudo-scientific rant about BTUs, RBCs, WBCs, and cardiovascular evaporation: *”How can a professional external situation like losing a game somehow add an internal mechanical heating device to my cardiovascular system?”*
• [00:01:18] “Kidd” objecting to “China doll” as offensive both to Chinese people and to dolls, who are “much smaller than NBA players on average.”
• [00:02:25] “Kidd” going on a tangent about Peyronie’s disease and Democratic presidents when told not to get his “nose bent out of shape.”
• [00:03:03] “Kidd” delivering an extended lecture about gun violence after being told to go out “guns blazing.”
• [00:03:45] When asked about “a changing of the guard” — the one idiom that wasn’t a problem — “Kidd” simply said “Exactly,” leaving the hosts stunned they’d finally landed one.
• [00:04:19] “Kidd” explaining in detail why they’re not grasping at straws because he can observe none of the hosts are using straws — he could somehow see their cups.
• George: *”We finally hit on one.”* [00:03:58]

• E-Brake funny moments:
• Baldy saying “fall to the somebody 19-16” and “not on the Tick, just in general” [~00:03:54–00:05:05]
• McLaren saying “they’ll menage… finagle, massage… they’ve got to menage it” and then claiming it was 12:58 when it was 12:28 [~00:05:34–00:06:32]
• Two consecutive callers asking “what were the options again?” back to back [~00:09:33–00:09:46]
• George’s aside that the first hostile caller sounded like “Fake Skip Bayless” [~00:07:19]

• Observation Deck:
• Gordo asking Shaun Cassidy if he remembered being “in utero” and whether he recognized it as “a famous womb.” [00:02:01]
• Gordo joking that Cassidy’s last concert at the Astrodome was “a bring your farm animal night.” [00:05:56]
• Gordo wishing Cassidy and Parker Stevenson (his Hardy Boys co-star) would “get together and solve the Kennedy assassination.” [00:11:48]
• Post-interview, the hosts noting Gordo might be one of only two known male Shaun Cassidy fans (the other being Granada booker Scott Strong).

—

Phone Callers

• E-Brake callers (multiple, anonymous):
• First caller [~00:07:07]: Rudely voted for “Matt McLaren’s stupid face and yours too” then hung up. Hosts speculated it was “Fake Skip Bayless.”
• “Natalie” [~00:07:25]: A recurring female caller, apparently well-known to the show. She said she’d been “C-blocked” by other callers. Still described as being “hot and bothered” from a previous bit involving “Orangeville.” Voted for Davey Lane and gave a shoutout to “Grant McKesson” and the Red Raiders.
• “Cruz Alito” [~00:08:30]: Described as a “Radio Row P1.” Mentioned being fascinated by “Partridge Family Mama” (a reference to Shirley Jones). Voted for McLaren.
• Unnamed caller [~00:08:52]: Voted for Baldy (candidate 2).
• Colorado State caller [~00:09:05]: Asked Craig his thoughts on Colorado State football in 2026. Craig gave a generic answer (“needs to be better than 2025”). Caller voted for Baldy.
• Two consecutive callers [~00:09:33–00:09:46]: Both asked “what were the options again?” to the hosts’ amusement.
• Unnamed caller [~00:09:50]: Voted for McLaren.
• “Brady Tom” [~00:10:01]: A recurring caller. Did a bit riffing on “what is it all about / it’s all about the U (Miami Hurricanes).” Voted for McLaren.
• “Rubber Duck” [~00:10:59]: Called in character as a trucker (“driving me a convoy”). Voted for Baldy (“that bear, number two”).
• Final caller [~00:11:20]: Asked if the next “fight night” could feature radio gardening personalities Howard Garrett (the “Dirt Doctor”) vs. Neal Sperry. Hosts expressed love for Neal Sperry. Caller ended by voting for McLaren (candidate 3), which put McLaren over the top as the winner.

—

Guests or Interviews

• Shaun Cassidy — real, in-person interview conducted by Gordo for the Observation Deck segment. Cassidy was in Dallas to perform his storytelling/concert show “The Road to Us” at the Granada Theater. Key topics discussed:
• His famous parents: mother Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family) and father Jack Cassidy.
• His relationship with half-brother David Cassidy, including the complicated family backstory.
• His career arc: from teen pop sensation (No. 1 records, Hardy Boys TV show) to his abrupt exit from performing after a 1980 Astrodome concert, followed by 30+ years as a TV writer/producer (including New Amsterdam).
• His return to performing starting in 2020, combining storytelling with music.
• His daughter’s rodeo career (barrel racing, breakaway roping), which explains why he drives a Dodge Ram 2500.
• His “My First Crush” wine label, created during the pandemic to benefit the No Kid Hungry charity.
• His friendship with musicians including Steve Lukather of Toto (who played the riff on Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”), Iggy Pop, and David Byrne.
• A mentioned-but-not-told story about a wild night with Keith Moon involving air hockey.
• Gordo demonstrated genuine knowledge of Cassidy’s catalog, citing specific songs from albums Born Late, Under Wraps, and Room Service.

—

Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Fake Jason Kidd — an ongoing recurring character/bit on the show.
• E-Brake of the Week — the show’s weekly competition for worst on-air blunder, a long-running Ticket institution. Sponsored by Advanced Hair Restoration / AdvancedHair.com.
• Dump and chase — a station inside term for deliberately saying something risky on air and relying on the broadcast delay to dump it.
• “A week in exile” — referenced as a real past consequence when the dump delay failed at the station.
• Natalie — a well-known recurring female caller. The hosts debated whether this was the “real” Natalie or a fake impersonator, with Gordo ultimately calling “triple fake.”
• Cruz Alito / “Radio Row P1” — a recurring caller character.
• Brady Tom — a recurring caller with a recognizable bit persona.
• Rubber Duck — caller doing a CB radio/trucker character, referencing the song “Convoy.”
• The all-time E-Brake leader — referenced as having 140 wins (apparently “Norm”), with McLaren now at 3 wins, 137 behind.
• Ron and Don — a former Dallas radio show that Gordo was apparently obsessed with; they frequently discussed “ménage,” brought up when McLaren’s slip occurred.
• Observation Deck — Gordo’s regular interview/feature segment.
• Howard Garrett (Dirt Doctor) vs. Neal Sperry — local Dallas gardening radio personalities, referenced as potential “fight night” opponents by a caller, a recurring joke format on the station.
• Parker Stevenson / Hardy Boys — referenced in the context of Shaun Cassidy’s acting career and jokingly applied to solving the JFK assassination since the show is set in Dallas.

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of The Musers on January 11, 2026 opened with the recurring Fake Jason Kidd comedy bit, in which an impersonator playing the Mavericks head coach responded to every sports-talk cliché — “blood boil,” “China doll,” “guns blazing,” “bent out of shape,” “grasping at straws” — with hilariously literal and absurdist analysis, refusing to engage with the actual basketball questions. The bit was prompted by the Mavs’ loss to Utah the previous night and touched on the team’s ongoing rebuild around Cooper Flagg following Luka Dončić’s departure. The segment culminated in the one moment the hosts accidentally used a non-idiomatic phrase (“a changing of the guard”), which “Kidd” simply agreed with — to the hosts’ delight.

The E-Brake of the Week segment then featured three candidates for the week’s worst on-air blunder: Davey Lane of The Hard Line for his dangerous recurring habit of attempting a “dump and chase” by saying something borderline on air; Baldy (the Musers’ update man) for blanking on an opponent name mid-update (“fall to the somebody”) and catching himself mid-sentence trying to say the Mavs game was on The Ticket; and Matt McLaren of The Invasion for accidentally blending “finagle” and “massage” into “menage” while discussing the Cowboys’ salary cap — then doubling down by saying “they’ve got to menage it” — and also wrongly announcing the time as 12:58 when it was 12:28. After a lively round of phone-in votes featuring several recurring callers (Natalie, Cruz Alito, Brady Tom, Rubber Duck) and some comedic non-answers, McLaren won his third E-Brake, putting him 137 behind the all-time leader’s record of 140.

The portion closed with Gordo’s Observation Deck, featuring a genuine and surprisingly warm sit-down interview with teen pop legend Shaun Cassidy, who was performing his storytelling concert show “The Road to Us” at Dallas’s Granada Theater that evening. Cassidy spoke thoughtfully about growing up with famous parents (Shirley Jones and Jack Cassidy), his close relationship with half-brother David Cassidy despite complicated family circumstances, his 40-year detour from performing into TV writing and producing (including New Amsterdam), and his return to the stage starting in 2020. He also discussed his daughter’s rodeo career, his “My First Crush” wine label benefiting No Kid Hungry, and his friendships with rock luminaries like Steve Lukather, Iggy Pop, and David Byrne. Gordo was clearly a genuine lifelong fan, demonstrating detailed knowledge of Cassidy’s album catalog, and the hosts jokingly noted that Gordo and Granada booker Scott Strong may be the only two known male Shaun Cassidy fans in existence.

---

⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers (January 18, 2026):

—

Segments That Appeared

• Fake Mack Brown — Gordo performs an impression of former Texas coach Mack Brown as a recurring “college football analyst” guest. The bit involves Mack discussing the college football playoff semifinals (Miami vs. Ole Miss), bragging about his national championship, taking jabs at Steve Sarkisian, and going on increasingly inappropriate tangents about his wife Sally, his childhood in Cookeville, Tennessee, and Ticketstock.

• Birthday Talk — A genuine, personal conversation among the hosts about Craig (Junior) turning 60 during the Christmas break. He reflects on aging, mortality, quality time remaining (QTR), and what motivates him to stay healthy, including his young daughter.

• Observation Deck (January 18, 2026) — Gordo announces an upcoming Sean Cassidy interview and then runs through notable celebrity deaths that occurred during the Christmas break. (A second Observation Deck from January 17 is also present, briefly touching on a story about Viagra for women, but it cuts off.)

• Dr. Carlton Maxwell (January 17, 2026) — Gordo plays recurring fictional sports psychologist Dr. Carlton Maxwell, who offers New Year’s Resolution advice and presents a series of fake self-help books with joke titles targeting Cowboys figures and others.

—

Observation Deck — What Was Observed/Discussed

*January 18 segment:*

• Gordo teases an upcoming interview with Sean Cassidy, who is performing at the Granada in Dallas
• Celebrity deaths that occurred during the Christmas break are reviewed:
• Rob Reiner and his wife (December 14) — allegedly killed by their son after an argument at Conan O’Brien’s holiday party; Gordo calls it the biggest loss of the bunch
• Gil Gerard (December 16) — actor known for playing Buck Rogers, died of cancer at 82
• Peter Arnett (December 17) — war correspondent from New Zealand, died of cancer at 91; remembered for his Gulf War coverage alongside CNN’s Bernard Shaw
• Greg Biffle (December, exact date not specified) — NASCAR driver, killed in a private plane crash along with his wife and two children at age 55; uncertainty discussed about whether he was piloting the plane
• James Ransone (December 19) — actor from *The Wire*, *It Chapter Two*, and *The Black Phone* films; died by suicide at 46
• Ike Schaub (December 20) — WWII Navy veteran and Pearl Harbor survivor, died at 105
• Vince Zampella (December 21) — video game developer credited with creating Call of Duty, died in a car crash at 55; footage of the crash is noted to exist
• Isaiah Whitlock Jr. (around December 30) — actor from *The Wire*, *Veep*, and Spike Lee films, died at 71
• Tatiana Schlossberg (December 30) — daughter of Caroline Kennedy, granddaughter of JFK, died of cancer at 35
• Gordo and George discuss Rob Reiner’s remarkable filmography: *This Is Spinal Tap*, *The Sure Thing*, *Stand By Me*, *The Princess Bride*, *When Harry Met Sally*, *Misery*, and *A Few Good Men*
• Side conversation about *The Wire* — both Gordo and Junior admit they never fully watched it; Gordo defends it but criticizes shows that take too long to hook the audience
• Discussion of *The Princess Bride* and whether Junior’s four-year-old daughter is old enough to watch it

*January 17 segment (partial):*

• Gordo introduces a topic about sexual well-being — specifically, Viagra for women finally becoming available, 30 years after the men’s version — but the transcript cuts off before the full discussion

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• College football playoff semifinals — Miami vs. Ole Miss referenced in the Fake Mack Brown segment as airing on The Ticket that night; no serious analysis given, treated comedically
• Steve Sarkisian — Mack Brown’s impression mocks him, noting he “hasn’t won a natty” like Mack did
• Ricky Williams — mentioned in the Mack Brown bit in reference to the famous wedding dress photo shoot
• Vince Young and Colt McCoy — name-dropped by Fake Mack Brown as players he loved coaching
• Dak Prescott — briefly mentioned in Birthday Talk: Junior notes Dak is 33, noting that 37 is the age when athletes tend to decline
• Jerry Jones — referenced in Birthday Talk (Junior wonders about Jones’s QTR at age 83) and in the Dr. Carlton Maxwell bit via fake book titles mocking the Cowboys’ poor season
• Kevante Turpin — referenced in a fake self-help book title about wanting to grow six inches and gain 50 pounds
• Matt Eberflus — referenced as the co-author (with Dr. Maxwell) of a fake book called *Change Your Life by Getting Fired*

—

Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• Pearl Harbor survivor debate [Observation Deck, 00:08:33–00:11:33]: Gordo argues that people who were merely present at Pearl Harbor as civilians or babies shouldn’t be called “survivors” — they should be called “witnesses.” He suggests the title should be reserved for active military personnel who responded to the attack. George pushes back slightly, defending the legitimacy of the survivor label for anyone who was on the base. The bit is played mostly for laughs but generates genuine back-and-forth.

• The Wire debate [Observation Deck, ~00:07:02]: Junior says he watched four episodes and quit because he couldn’t understand the dialogue and was bored. Gordo defends the show, saying it becomes one of the best ever once it clicks around episode five, but also admits he finds it annoying when shows make you work that hard to get into them.

• A Few Good Men / Jack Nicholson [Observation Deck, ~00:12:47]: George says he doesn’t hate the film but feels the famous courtroom scene was “replayed a few too many times,” comparing it to the Robin Ventura/Nolan Ryan fight clip. Gordo pushes back, saying he loves the film.

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• Fake Mack Brown is the primary comedy set piece. Highlights include:
• Mack claiming he and John Malkovich listen to the Musers podcast together at “Earl Campbell’s Sausage Fest” — “He’s big into having all-guys parties. That’s what we call Sausage Fest.”
• Mack describing his speech pattern: “I keep talking up here, and I keep going, and then I go down.” George: “It does sound like an announcement made during World War II.”
• Mack referring to Sally as “my beautiful post-Minster wife” and describing their family in increasingly inappropriate terms: “George, through our extensive lovemaking, she and I have made four children. I made her have four children out of her body, George.”
• Mack calling Sally “the world’s most premier dominatrix, Sally Hemings Brown.”
• Mack’s “pick-to-click” being Ticketstock, where “you get to see the world’s oldest surviving baby from Pearl Harbor kick George DeJohnny in the nuts.”
• Mack signing off: “I’m an ill-advised character, and I’m going to hang up now because I don’t want to hang up.”

• Dr. Carlton Maxwell fake book titles [Dr. Carlton Maxwell segment]:
• *Change Your Life by Getting Fired* co-written with Matt Eberflus — “Step one: lose a bunch of games. Step two: find an exciting new job.”
• *Determined to Grow Six Inches and Gain 50 Pounds* by Kevante Turpin
• *Well, I Did My Job: A New Mea Culpa* by Dak Prescott — “He started a whole new genre: mea culpa novels.”
• *I Made a Bigger Mess on the Field This Year Than I Made in Gate Agent in 1995* by Jerry Jones
• *Still Had a Great Year: The Complete Financial Books of Jerry Jones*
• *Hey Man, Saul Good: How to Use Super Casual Language to Make Black Athletes Cringe* by Brian Shatner [presumably a reference to Brian Schottenheimer]

• Dr. Maxwell’s podcast name: *The Therapist Deep Inside You by Carlton Maxwell* — repeatedly rephrasing it in ways that make George uncomfortable: “My voice is deep inside you.” George: “Stop.”

• Dr. Maxwell misattributing Benjamin Franklin: “The Lord helps those who help themselves. That was said in the Bible by Benjamin Franklin.” Then adds: “He said a lot of acts when he was hosting a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a virtual reality crypto experience.”

• Gordo on his QTR plan [Birthday Talk, ~00:05:30]: “I plan to live my life the exact same, just wasting time on YouTube every day until I get to 75 and a half… and then I’ll transition. Florida’s American women live a little bit longer. They live to 81.” George: “That’s genius, in fact.”

• Gordo’s closing line on the Birthday Talk: After a long, heartfelt conversation about aging, Gordo wraps with: “Time to put you out of your misery.”

• Gordo on plane yokes [Observation Deck, ~00:06:24]: After a serious discussion about the Greg Biffle crash, Gordo asks, “Don’t they usually have two yolks in planes?” then quickly clarifies: “No, no — yolks, like things that make you laugh.” George: “What about eggs?”

• Phil Hendrie reference [Observation Deck, ~00:11:49]: Gordo brings up Phil Hendrie’s radio format — where Hendrie played both host and guest, saying increasingly offensive things to bait real callers — calling it “the most genius concept of a show ever.”

—

Guests or Special Visitors

• Dr. Carlton Maxwell — Gordo’s recurring fictional character, a sports psychologist who supposedly teaches at UT Dallas. Not a real guest.
• Fake Mack Brown — Gordo performing an impression of the real Mack Brown. Not a real guest.
• Gordo teases that Sean Cassidy (the real one) will be interviewed the following day on the show, ahead of his concert at the Granada in Dallas.

—

Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics Discussed

• Sean Cassidy — Gordo announces a planned interview; discusses Cassidy’s career as a teen idol in the late 1970s, his family connections (father Jack Cassidy, mother Shirley Jones, brother David Cassidy), his wine brand (“My First Crush”), and his experimental fourth album produced by Todd Rundgren. George is a Todd Rundgren fan and is intrigued by the connection.
• Rob Reiner’s filmography — detailed discussion of his seven classic films; George notes the famous *A Few Good Men* courtroom scene has been overplayed
• The Wire — discussed in the context of James Ransone’s death; both hosts admit they never got into it
• The Princess Bride — mentioned in context of Rob Reiner’s death; suggestion that Junior should watch it with his four-year-old daughter
• Veep — mentioned briefly as another show Isaiah Whitlock Jr. appeared in; Junior says it was funny
• Phil Hendrie — Gordo references his legendary radio format
• Aging and mortality — the Birthday Talk segment is a substantive, personal non-sports discussion about turning 60, life expectancy, quality time remaining, physical decline, and gratitude; Gordo shares a story about his late father lifting weights so he could walk a grandchild down the aisle
• New Year’s Resolutions — Dr. Carlton Maxwell segment is built around this topic, played for comedy

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with a comedic segment featuring Gordo’s recurring Fake Mack Brown impression, in which the former Texas coach serves as a bumbling “college football analyst” ahead of the Miami vs. Ole Miss playoff semifinal airing on The Ticket. The bit quickly abandons any actual football analysis in favor of escalating absurdity — Mack bragging about his national championship, taking shots at Sarkisian, making deeply inappropriate comments about his wife Sally, and offering Ticketstock-related chaos as his “pick-to-click.” It is one of the show’s signature recurring comedy bits and lands as intended, with George playing the exasperated straight man throughout.

The Birthday Talk segment is a notably genuine and personal departure from the show’s usual format. Craig (Junior) opens up about turning 60 during the Christmas break, describing it as the first birthday that has made him take real inventory of his life — calculating his quality time remaining, factoring in family health history, and reflecting on what he wants his final decades to look like. George, who turned 60 the previous June, validates the feeling and the two have a thoughtful conversation about gratitude, mortality, and motivation. Gordo lightens the mood with his plan to “transition” to living as a Florida woman near the end of his life to gain a few extra years, and the segment closes on a warm note with a story about Gordo’s late father lifting weights so he could live long enough to walk a grandchild down the aisle.

The Observation Deck covers notable celebrity deaths from the Christmas break, anchored by the murder of director Rob Reiner and his wife — allegedly by their son after a dispute at Conan O’Brien’s holiday party — which Gordo identifies as the most significant loss. Other deaths covered include Gil Gerard, Peter Arnett, Greg Biffle (killed in a plane crash with his family), James Ransone, WWII veteran Ike Schaub, Vince Zampella, Isaiah Whitlock Jr., and Tatiana Schlossberg. The segment blends genuine reflection with Gordo’s trademark irreverence, including a debate about whether non-combat Pearl Harbor “survivors” deserve the title, and a side discussion about *The Wire* and *The Princess Bride*. The Dr. Carlton Maxwell segment rounds out this portion with Gordo playing the fictional psychologist offering New Year’s Resolution advice and distributing fake self-help books with titles mocking the Cowboys, Dak Prescott, Matt Eberflus, and Brian Schottenheimer.

---

🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis: Final Portion of The Musers — 2026-01-11

—

Segments That Appeared

• Observation Deck (The Musers 17-2026): Gordo-led segment covering offbeat news stories including a new female arousal cream called “Dare to Play,” a study on the double standard around men’s vs. women’s sex toys, and a TikTok trend of pregnant women harvesting colostrum. Devolved into a broader riff on influencer culture, TikTok addiction, and AI-driven futures.

• Craig Goes to New Mexico (The Musers 16-2026): Craig (SPEAKER_00) shares Christmas vacation stories from northern New Mexico/Santa Fe — skiing with limited snow, the Farolito walk on Canyon Road, Christmas morning with his four-year-old daughter, a debate about whether Santa wraps presents, high-tech walkie-talkies, and a heartwarming annual video interview tradition with his daughter.

• Observation Deck (The Musers 16-2026): Another Gordo-led Observation Deck covering: AI-generated police reports going haywire (picking up *The Princess and the Frog* plot from body cam footage), a remembered station personality named DG/Dijon who could take a full-force NFL punter kick to the groin, and a story out of Scotland about a transgender woman who invited over 100 people to watch her get kicked in the groin one final time before bottom surgery — complete with a flute solo called “The Last Post.”

• Fake Stephen Jones (The Musers 16-2026): A comedic recurring bit in which Gordo voices a fictional, absurd version of Cowboys executive Stephen Jones, called in to react to the firing of defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus. Fake Stephen revels in the firing, claims he followed “daddy’s orders via walkie-talkie,” announces himself as the new defensive coordinator, and references an elaborate decades-long plot to take over the Cowboys via a “doomsday device” planted in Jerry Jones’s scalp.

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys firing of defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus — discussed primarily through the Fake Stephen Jones bit (~Fake Stephen Jones segment). Gordo (as Fake Jones) noted Eberflus “failed as head coach for the Bears and failed here,” and acknowledged the Cowboys didn’t invest enough in defensive talent.
• Ski resort industry struggles — Craig noted Telluride had received zero inches of snow by Christmas and that Colorado and New Mexico ski resorts were badly hurting financially during their key revenue season (~Craig Goes to New Mexico segment).

—

Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

• Gordo (~Observation Deck 17-2026, ~[00:09:51]): Predicted that AI will eventually do all productive work, everyone will receive universal basic income, and all humans will become content creators consuming each other’s content in an endless loop.
• Gordo (~[00:12:29]): Argued that if platforms limited users to ten short videos before inserting a 10-second loading delay, “productivity and happiness would go through the roof.”
• Fake Stephen Jones (~[00:02:00]): Announced a “T-minus 281 days, 14 hours, 3 minutes” countdown to triggering a “doomsday device” planted in Jerry Jones’s scalp, finally seizing control of the Cowboys.

—

Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

• “Dare to Play” cream riff (~[00:01:04–00:03:02]): Gordo mocked the name and the 10-to-15-minute pre-activity application window, joking he could sell a men’s lotion with instructions to “apply vigorously for five minutes” and call it an arousal aid. George played off the awkward timing logistics hilariously.

• Sex toy double standard (~[00:05:39–00:07:14]): George shared a story about a friend whose wife discovered his Fleshlight and “you would have thought he was the most evil man that had ever lived,” while women’s “drawer full of empowerment” gets no such judgment. Gordo tied it to the Journal of Sex Research study.

• DG/Dijon break room moment (~Observation Deck 16-2026, ~[00:04:29–00:04:56]): Gordo recalled station personality DG pulling him aside to say only “I get it” — repeatedly — with no further elaboration. A brief but memorable absurdist story.

• Fake Stephen Jones bit (entire segment): Multiple highlights —
• Fake Stephen claiming firing Eberflus gave him “the first natural erection in seven years”
• Announcing himself as the new defensive coordinator based on being on the “1987 Orange Bowl special teams practice squad” at Arkansas
• Claiming his coup plot began at age 14 when Jerry caught him “dressed in Charlotte’s underwear in the treehouse dancing around synthesizer music”
• The “doomsday device in daddy’s scalp” countdown clock
• Signing off abruptly with just “Hey!” after referencing Jerry’s legal controversies

• Scotland kicked-in-the-balls story (~Observation Deck 16-2026): The entire story of the Scottish trans woman’s pre-surgery farewell event — complete with a flute solo called “The Last Post,” a 100-person audience, and her narrating her own reaction — was delivered with Gordo’s signature deadpan escalation. George asking “would your dad have understood that sentence?” capped it perfectly.

• Colostrum TikTok riff (~[00:07:50–00:10:52]): Gordo’s chain of logic from “mom-fluencers” to a future dystopia where crumbling infrastructure surrounds people sitting in front of webcams with “sex tech devices” making content for other content creators was absurdist Gordo at his best.

—

How the Show Wrapped Up

The final segment was Fake Stephen Jones, which ended abruptly and comically — Fake Stephen signed off mid-sentence with just “Hey!” after venturing into a reference to Jerry Jones’s legal controversies involving the Tom Landry Suite. The hosts wrapped it lightly:

• [00:05:03] George: *”That’s all he says goodbye.”*
• [00:05:05] Gordo: *”Well, he was wound up this morning because he got to fire someone.”*
• [00:05:07] George: *”He got to do the whole thing.”*

No formal show close or previews of upcoming segments were included in this portion of the transcript.

—

Notable Quotes

• Fake Stephen Jones (~[00:00:29]): *”It’s the first time I’ve had a natural erection in about seven years. I usually have to use them little blue pills to get to the front of my pants needing to throw a pillar.”*

• Fake Stephen Jones (~[00:01:49–00:01:51]): *”Hell, being not liked also don’t win you games. Look at Chad Gailey.”*

• Fake Stephen Jones (~[00:04:31–00:04:35]): *”Daddy’s invested less in defense than he’s invested in defense attorneys over the past few years.”*

• Craig (~Craig Goes to New Mexico, ~[00:06:45–00:06:52]): On his wife’s insistence that Santa wraps presents: *”It’s starting to come to a head because our four-year-old daughter is a little confused. Well, why is he wrapping some but this one wasn’t wrapped? Yeah, because Mommy and Daddy can’t get along.”*

• Gordo (~[00:12:50–00:12:54]): *”Just put a little bit of friction between us and our worst desires to just keep constantly being amused, and things will go well.”*

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the January 11, 2026 Musers broadcast opened with a pair of Gordo-led Observation Deck segments bookending a personal vacation story from Craig. The first Observation Deck covered a range of offbeat cultural topics: the FDA-approved female arousal cream “Dare to Play,” a Journal of Sex Research study confirming a double standard in societal attitudes toward men’s versus women’s sex aids, and a TikTok trend of pregnant women harvesting colostrum for social media content. Gordo used the stories as springboards for broader riffs on influencer culture, TikTok addiction, and a darkly comedic prediction that AI will eventually render all humans into content creators for each other in a universal basic income future.

Craig’s vacation segment offered a warm, personal contrast — he recounted his family’s Christmas trip to northern New Mexico, where unusually warm temperatures and minimal snowfall hampered the ski season across the Rocky Mountains, including a startling fact that Telluride had received zero inches of snow. Craig still managed two half-days of skiing at Ski Santa Fe and shared charming holiday moments: the Canyon Road Farolito walk on Christmas Eve, meeting a P1 listener at his home, a domestic standoff with his wife over whether Santa wraps presents, high-tech video walkie-talkies gifted to his four-year-old daughter, and a touching annual video interview tradition with her inspired by a documentary. The second Observation Deck returned to Gordo’s wheelhouse with a story about AI-generated police reports gone wrong (a body cam picked up *The Princess and the Frog* playing in the background), a nostalgic tangent about station personality DG/Dijon who could take a full-force NFL punter kick to the groin without injury, and a story from Edinburgh about a transgender woman who gathered over 100 spectators — with a live flute solo — for one final send-off before her bottom surgery.

The show closed with the fan-favorite Fake Stephen Jones recurring bit, triggered by the real Cowboys’ firing of defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus. Gordo’s Fake Stephen — manic, self-aggrandizing, and hilariously unhinged — celebrated the firing as a rare moment of personal power, announced himself as the new defensive coordinator based on his “1987 Orange Bowl special teams practice squad” credentials at Arkansas, revealed a 281-day countdown to triggering a “doomsday device” planted in Jerry Jones’s scalp during plastic surgery, and traced his coup ambitions to a childhood incident involving his sister Charlotte’s underwear and synthesizer music in a treehouse. The bit ended abruptly — as it often does — with Fake Stephen saying only “Hey!” before hanging up after veering into Jerry Jones’s legal controversies, leaving the hosts to close with amused understatement.

---

Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.