The Musers — 2026-03-24

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Tuesday, March 24, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Fake Jason Kidd
• Jub Goes to Broadway
• Observation Deck
• Jub Goes to Broadway
• Observation Deck

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers (2026-03-24):

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Segments That Appeared

• Fake Jason Kidd [00:00:00]: A recurring comedy bit where a fake version of Mavericks head coach Jason Kidd calls in on the “Ticket Hotline.” In this installment, the premise is that it’s Jason Kidd’s 53rd birthday. The fake Kidd takes every common pleasantry (“thanks for making time,” “trip around the sun,” “long in the tooth,” “make a wish”) hyper-literally, derailing the interview into absurdist tangents about space travel, dental measurements, the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and a Christmas-themed erotic spanking schedule. The segment ends with Fake Kidd complaining he was bumped from a Neil Diamond tribute by “an AM radio guy.”
• Jub Goes to Broadway [00:00:00 in second segment]: George Dunham recounts attending the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the Neil Diamond musical, at Music Hall at Fair Park. He describes the show’s emotional impact, Neil Diamond’s life story as depicted in the musical, and his own surprise appearance onstage to sing “Sweet Caroline” alongside lead actor Nick Fradiani (an American Idol winner).
• Observation Deck [00:00:00 in third segment]: A recurring Gordo segment in which he reports on what he did during the break period. This installment covers his spring break, during which he did not leave Dallas County. He describes two main activities: attempting to befriend crows in his backyard by feeding them unsalted peanuts, and rediscovering a box of early Ticket audio recordings spanning the first seven years of the station, stored across multiple formats including reel-to-reel, DAT, mini-disc, CDs, and cassettes.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Dallas Mavericks [Fake Jason Kidd segment]: The Mavs’ poor season is referenced repeatedly. Fake Kidd jokes that the team has “raised the white flag” (tanking), that Cooper Flagg suffers from “fake injuries,” and that “after Luka got run out of here,” the team has struggled. The jokes allude to the real-world Luka Dončić trade and the team’s rebuilding posture around Flagg.

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Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• George defends his emotional reaction to the Neil Diamond musical, pushing back gently when a co-host seems surprised he teared up [Jub Goes to Broadway segment].
• There is a running debate about whether Gordo’s refusal to leave Dallas County during spring break is sad or reasonable. George flatly says “it is sad,” while Gordo insists it is not [Observation Deck, ~01:35–01:51].
• George jokes that Gordo’s early Ticket audio should be dumped at the “Ennis landfill,” saying “I hate listening to early Ticket stuff,” while Gordo pushes back that it represents his life’s work [Observation Deck, ~04:02–04:12].

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• The entire Fake Jason Kidd segment is a Gordo comedy bit. Standout moments include:
• Fake Kidd taking “trip around the sun” literally and speculating about NBA players going to space as “goodwill ambassadors to spread the passion for hoop to the Martians that live on Neptune or Venus” [~00:56–01:22].
• Fake Kidd describing a full Christmas-themed erotic spanking schedule: “I have a Rudolph spanking at four o’clock today” and “a Yuletide spanking tonight at seven, Roy Topley’s cousin’s wife’s going to do that one to me” [~02:10–02:28].
• Fake Kidd misinterpreting “make a wish” as the Make-A-Wish Foundation and asking if he looks like someone who needs “the ghost of Kevin James to come out and hand me a new stump of a leg” [~04:24–04:37].
• Fake Kidd ending the call by complaining he was bumped from a Neil Diamond tribute by “some AM radio guy” — a direct comedic callback to the next segment [~05:03–05:12].
• In the Observation Deck segment, Gordo describes buying “a 60-pound bag of unsalted shelled peanuts” to try to befriend crows, acknowledging the poor exchange rate: “I’m going to feed them about 200 bucks worth of peanuts before they’ll bring me a piece of tinsel” [~03:00–03:10].
• George tells Gordo that feeding crows in his backyard “is something I pictured you doing in your 80s, not your 70s” [~03:18–03:20].
• Gordo compares his planned release of early Ticket audio to “the Epstein files,” with “a few cultural redactions” first [~04:21–04:35].

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Fake Jason Kidd: A recurring character/call-in bit on the show, apparently used to satirize the Mavericks and Kidd’s tenure as coach.
• Sweet Hardline: Referenced as a parody song the Musers perform, a riff on “Sweet Caroline” — apparently a staple of the Ticket Time Wasters performances. George had to mentally fight the urge to sing “Sweet Hardline” instead of “Sweet Caroline” when performing onstage [Jub Goes to Broadway, ~08:38–09:05].
• Ticket Time Wasters: Referenced as the group George performs with, which regularly closes shows with “Sweet Hardline” [~08:16–08:21].
• The Observation Deck: Introduced as a “much-anticipated return,” suggesting it is a recurring sponsored segment featuring Gordo’s personal observations or life updates.
• KVIL: Mentioned nostalgically as the Dallas radio station that seemed to play Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand’s “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” constantly, part of the hosts’ shared cultural memory [Jub Goes to Broadway, ~07:14–07:27].
• “Raised the white flag”: Used both in the Fake Kidd segment (about the Mavs tanking) and again in the Observation Deck segment (about Gordo not traveling), suggesting it is a recurring phrase on the show [Observation Deck, ~01:28–01:30].

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3-Paragraph Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with the “Fake Jason Kidd” segment, a recurring comedy bit in which Gordo voices a hyper-literal, absurdist version of the Mavericks head coach calling in on his 53rd birthday. The fake Kidd derails every attempt at pleasantry — misinterpreting “trip around the sun” as actual space travel, describing a Christmas-themed erotic spanking schedule involving “Roy Topley’s cousin’s wife,” and confusing a birthday wish with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The segment closes with a clever meta-joke: Fake Kidd complains he was bumped from a Neil Diamond tribute by “some AM radio guy,” directly teeing up the next segment.

George Dunham then takes center stage with a warm, enthusiastic account of attending the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the Neil Diamond musical, at Music Hall at Fair Park. He praises lead actor Nick Fradiani’s uncanny vocal resemblance to Diamond, reflects on Neil Diamond’s remarkable career (56 million records sold, 10 Billboard Hot 100 number ones, songs spanning six decades), and admits he teared up multiple times. The segment’s highlight is George revealing that the show’s producers arranged for him to come onstage during the finale to sing “Sweet Caroline” with Fradiani — an anxiety-inducing moment he spent the entire weekend preparing for, having listened to the song 30 times to purge “Sweet Hardline” from his muscle memory. A P1 listener named Marina sent video of the moment, which the show promises to post on Twitter.

The portion closes with the return of Gordo’s “Observation Deck” segment, in which he reports on a spring break spent entirely within Dallas County. His two main activities were attempting to befriend crows in his backyard with a 60-pound bag of unsalted peanuts (“the exchange rate’s not good in this deal”) and rediscovering a box of early Ticket audio covering the station’s first seven years, stored across every major audio format of the era — reel-to-reel, DAT, mini-disc, CDs, and cassettes. Gordo teases that he plans to release the audio “like the Epstein files,” after some “cultural redactions,” while George reacts with mock horror and suggests dumping it at the Ennis landfill. The segment captures a familiar dynamic: Gordo’s eccentric, homebody tendencies drawing bemused ribbing from his co-hosts.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers (2026-03-24):

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Segments Appearing in This Portion

• *Jub Goes to Broadway* [00:00:00]: George Dunham recounts attending the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the Neil Diamond musical at Music Hall at Fair Park. He describes the show’s history, Neil Diamond’s legacy, and his own participation in the finale — being brought onstage to sing “Sweet Caroline” with lead actor Nick Fradiani.
• *Observation Deck* [~00:05:02 onward]: Gordo leads a wide-ranging segment covering old Ticket audio he discovered on cassette, a “death watch” roundup of notable deaths during the show’s vacation break, and extended discussion of Chuck Norris’s passing.

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Observation Deck Segment

• [00:05:02] Gordo discusses rediscovering old Ticket cassette tapes, including unreleased prank calls where he impersonated a vulgar Jerry Jones, and early station audio featuring all hosts sounding younger and higher-pitched — except The Hardline, which he says sounded exactly the same.
• He recalls a bit called “Butt Breath Theater” and notes that Skip used a cuckoo clock sound to exit every bit.
• Death watch roundup covering the vacation break:
• Tommy DeCarlo, singer of Boston, died March 9th (noted as the band’s second lost lead singer)
• Matt Snell, former New York Jets running back, died March 10th at age 84
• Judy Pace, actress from *Peyton Place* and *Brian’s Song*, died March 11th
• Gary Wagner, baseball player for the Red Sox and Phillies, died at age 85
• Phil Campbell, guitarist for Motörhead, died March 13th following a “complex operation”
• Kiki Shepard, long-time co-host of *Showtime at the Apollo*, died from a massive heart attack in Los Angeles at age 74
• Larry Stahl, baseball player for the A’s, Mets, and Padres, died at age 84
• Chuck Norris, died March 19th in Hawaii at age 86 — described as “sudden” though surrounded by family; cause of death kept private by the family
• Extended Chuck Norris discussion included: Chuck Norris memes/jokes, his karate career and fight with Bruce Lee, his connection to the Dallas area (Brookhaven Country Club), the famous “Walker told me I have AIDS” clip from *Walker, Texas Ranger* featuring young Haley Joel Osment, and a clip of former Ticket colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling Chuck Norris “Walker, Texas Raley” on live Mavericks TV — conflating the character’s name with that of a local pastor on trial for allegedly strangling his wife.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Matt Snell identified as a former New York Jets running back from the 1960s [00:09:03]
• Brief mention that The Hardline had recently discussed whether “Davey” could beat up an 86-year-old Chuck Norris [00:14:35]
• “Sweet Caroline” referenced as a staple anthem at Boston Red Sox games and other sporting events [00:02:05]

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• [00:05:45–00:06:01] Gordo imagines arriving at the gates of heaven only for St. Peter to play his old vulgar Jerry Jones prank call, and him trying to explain: *”I mean, it’s context. It was a G.I. Joe joke.”*
• [00:10:29–00:10:36] On Phil Campbell’s “complex operation” cause of death: *”A simple operation is what? Like when they remove a cyst off your arm?… Well, he died of a non-cyst. That’s his official cause of death.”*
• [00:13:43–00:13:48] Chuck Norris joke: *”Why doesn’t Chuck Norris need a GPS? He decides where he is, and then the world complies.”*
• [00:13:32–00:13:37] George’s contribution: *”The flu gets a shot for Chuck Norris every season.”*
• [00:11:59–00:12:07] Chuck Norris described as *”a star of a lot of those UHF commercials for the latest in hearing aid technology”* and selling “Guinsoos.”
• [00:16:59–00:17:18] The hosts riff on the “Walker, Texas Raley” clip, repeating it several times: *”It still makes me cry.”*
• [00:13:21–00:13:28] When given a mic onstage, George asked if it was hot. The sound guy said: *”We’ll see… it’s a little warm.”* — implying they were hedging on whether to actually let him be heard.

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• *A Beautiful Noise* — the Neil Diamond Broadway/touring musical, which just concluded its Dallas run at Music Hall at Fair Park [00:00:00]
• Neil Diamond’s career highlights: 10 number one hits on the Billboard Hot 100, 56 million records sold, “Sweet Caroline,” “I’m a Believer” (written by Diamond, made famous by The Monkees), “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” (duet with Barbra Streisand), *The Jazz Singer* album and film [00:01:57–00:07:28]
• Neil Diamond’s Parkinson’s diagnosis discussed; noted he contributed personally to the writing of the musical [00:02:35–00:03:08]
• Nick Fradiani — *American Idol* winner, plays young Neil Diamond in the show — praised for sounding “just like him” [00:04:05–00:08:08]
• KVIL radio referenced as the soundtrack of their youth, playing Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand constantly [00:07:13]
• Chuck Norris’s career: martial arts world champion, fight with Bruce Lee, *Walker, Texas Ranger*, *Sons of Thunder* [00:11:54–00:15:00]
• Haley Joel Osment and the famous *Walker, Texas Ranger* “Walker told me I have AIDS” clip; noted Conan O’Brien played it obsessively on his show [00:15:41–00:16:28]
• *Brian’s Song* referenced; George and Gordo both moved by it as kids [00:09:30–00:09:43]
• Conan O’Brien mentioned as having been obsessed with the “Walker told me I have AIDS” drop [00:16:11]
• Rolling Stones referenced briefly in relation to old Ticket audio Gordo found [00:05:02]

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3-Paragraph Summary

The portion opens mid-conversation with Gordo describing his discovery of old Ticket cassette tapes during the show’s vacation break. He recounts finding unreleased prank calls in which he played a vulgar Jerry Jones, joking that the audio alone will prevent him from entering heaven. He also reflects on how young and high-pitched all the hosts sounded on those early recordings — except The Hardline, which apparently hasn’t changed at all. This rolls into a “death watch” segment covering notable deaths during the break: Tommy DeCarlo of Boston, former Jet Matt Snell, actress Judy Pace, Motörhead guitarist Phil Campbell, *Showtime at the Apollo* co-host Kiki Shepard, and several baseball players. The biggest death discussed is Chuck Norris, who passed away March 19th at age 86 in Hawaii under circumstances kept private by his family. The hosts trade Chuck Norris jokes, remember him visiting the studio, and play the legendary clip of former colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling him “Walker, Texas Raley” live on Mavericks TV.

The *Jub Goes to Broadway* segment features George Dunham giving an enthusiastic and heartfelt account of attending the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the touring Neil Diamond musical. George had been invited to sing “Sweet Caroline” onstage with lead actor Nick Fradiani, an *American Idol* winner, during the show’s finale. George describes spending the weekend anxious about the performance and listening to “Sweet Caroline” roughly 30 times to push “Sweet Hardline” — the Time Wasters’ parody version — out of his head. He praises the production extensively, noting that Neil Diamond himself was deeply involved in its creation and that the show honestly depicts Diamond’s depression and failed marriages alongside his remarkable career. Audio of the actual onstage moment is played, with Fradiani introducing George to the packed house.

Throughout both segments the hosts are in a warm, nostalgic mood, reflecting on the deep catalog of Neil Diamond’s music — noting songs like “I’m a Believer,” “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers,” and “Forever in Blue Jeans” as part of the soundtrack of their youth, often heard on KVIL on the way to golf tournaments. George admits he was a “closet Neil Diamond fan” in junior high because it wasn’t considered cool. The segment is largely celebratory and sentimental, with George tearing up multiple times during the show and urging listeners to see the musical if it comes back to Dallas or appears in another city. The humor is kept light — Gordo noting that George was “way down in the mix” during the first verse of “Sweet Caroline” because the sound crew wasn’t sure if he could actually sing — and the overall tone is one of genuine affection for both Neil Diamond’s legacy and the experience of live musical theater.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Segments in This Portion

• Jub Goes to Broadway (~00:13:42): A brief, lighthearted closing segment where George (referred to as “Jub” — likely George Dunham’s nickname) recounts his participation in a Dallas Musical Series event tied to a Neil Diamond Broadway show. The hosts joke about his singing style, his shirtless appearance in a video, and Neil Diamond’s songwriting legacy. George says the experience inspired him to keep writing.

• Observation Deck (00:00:00–00:17:32): Gordo’s returning feature segment, sponsored by Tylock Nasser Vision and Generator Supercenter. Gordo recaps what he did over spring break — which amounted to staying home in Dallas County. He shares several anecdotes: trying to befriend crows with peanuts, rediscovering a box of early Ticket audio recordings spanning the first ~seven years of the station, and running through a “death watch” of notable people who passed away during the break.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• [00:01:43] Gordo deadpans: *”I love going places, just not personally.”* — a perfect encapsulation of his newfound homebody persona.
• [00:01:59] Gordo reveals he spent part of spring break trying to befriend crows by buying a 60-pound bag of unsalted shelled peanuts, hoping to eventually receive gifts from them. He acknowledges the exchange rate is terrible: *”I’m going to feed them about 200 bucks worth of peanuts before they’ll bring me a piece of tinsel. I mean, the exchange rate’s not good in this deal.”*
• [00:03:18] Junior/co-host jokes: *”Going out in the back during your downtime and feeding the crows is something I pictured you doing in your 80s, not your 70s.”*
• [00:04:21] Gordo compares his planned release of old Ticket audio to the Epstein files, adding he’ll need to make *”a few cultural redactions.”*
• [00:05:53] Gordo imagines himself at the gates of heaven, trying to explain an old vulgar Jerry Jones prank call to St. Peter: *”It was a G.I. Joe joke.”*
• [00:06:23] Reference to an old segment apparently called “Butt Breath Theater” involving a former chief engineer, which the hosts agreed would *”cinch your trip to hell.”*
• [00:10:36] On Phil Campbell’s cause of death listed as after a “complex operation,” Gordo quips: *”He died of a non-cyst. That’s his official cause of death.”*
• [00:15:53] Gordo speculates Chuck Norris may have used AI to make his recent workout videos look more impressive, imagining him *”kicking a Corolla in half.”*
• [00:16:32] The hosts play a classic audio clip of former Ticket/Mavericks TV colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling Chuck Norris “Walker, Texas, Rayleigh” live on air during a Mavs game — then scrambling to recover. The hosts note that Walker Raleigh was actually a local pastor who went on trial for allegedly strangling his wife, making the gaffe even more spectacular in retrospect.

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Notable Deaths Covered (Death Watch Segment)

• Tommy DeCarlo (March 9) — singer of Boston; noted as the second lead singer the band has lost
• Matt Snell (March 10) — former New York Jets running back, age 84
• Judy Pace (March 11) — actress from *Peyton Place* and *Brian’s Song*, age not specified
• Gary Wagner (date not specified) — baseball player for the Red Sox and Phillies, age 85
• Phil Campbell (March 13) — guitarist for Motörhead, died after a “complex operation”
• Kiki Shepard — longtime co-host of *Showtime at the Apollo*, died of a massive heart attack in Los Angeles, age 74
• Larry Stahl — baseball player for the A’s, Mets, and Padres, age 84
• Chuck Norris (March 19) — martial artist and *Walker, Texas Ranger* star, age 86; cause of death kept private by family; described as sudden but with family present

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Sports Topics Discussed

• [00:09:06] Brief mention of Matt Snell as a former Penn State and New York Jets running back from the 1960s.
• [00:14:26] Lighthearted debate about whether 86-year-old Chuck Norris could still beat someone up, with a reference to a prior Hardline segment asking whether Davey could beat up elderly Chuck Norris.

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Notable Quotes

• *”I love going places, just not personally.”* — Gordo [00:01:43]
• *”I have heard audio that suggests I will never get in heaven.”* — Gordo [00:05:47], on his old Jerry Jones prank calls
• *”The exchange rate’s not good in this deal.”* — Gordo [00:03:07], on befriending crows
• *”Walker told me I have AIDS.”* — the legendary *Walker, Texas Ranger* drop featuring Haley Joel Osment, played in tribute to Chuck Norris [00:16:04]
• *”Walker, Texas, Rayleigh.”* — Chris Arnold’s immortal live TV gaffe, replayed on air [00:16:33]

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The segment ended with the hosts playing the Chris Arnold “Walker, Texas, Rayleigh” clip as a comedic tribute to Chuck Norris, followed by everyone laughing and riffing on the gaffe. Junior closed it out with *”All right, Gordo, thank you”* at [00:17:31], and the segment concluded warmly with no formal preview of upcoming content.

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the March 24, 2026 Musers broadcast opened with the tail end of the Jub Goes to Broadway segment, in which George Dunham reflected warmly on his small role in a Dallas Musical Series event built around Neil Diamond’s music. The hosts ribbed him about his singing style being more “Neil Diamond” than the show’s actual performers, joked about a possibly shirtless appearance in video footage, and riffed on Diamond’s songwriting catalog — eventually circling back to the old Hardline drop *”Turn on the Heartline”* — before George closed the bit by saying the experience inspired him to keep writing.

The bulk of this portion was devoted to the Observation Deck, Gordo’s returning signature segment, in which he reported on his deeply uneventful spring break spent entirely within Dallas County. The segment’s comedic heart was Gordo’s deadpan self-awareness about his transformation into a full homebody — punctuated by the revelation that he spent time trying to befriend crows with 60 pounds of peanuts and by the thrilling discovery of a box of early Ticket audio recordings on every obsolete medium imaginable (reel-to-reel, DAT, mini-disc, cassette, CD). Gordo teased future release of the audio — including the first Musers morning show from October 1995, early ribby recordings, and an unreleased vulgar Jerry Jones prank call that he fears will bar him from heaven — while noting that the Hardline, unlike everyone else, sounded completely unchanged from its early days.

The segment closed with an extended and affectionate death watch, the most significant entry being the passing of Chuck Norris at 86, which prompted Chuck Norris joke exchanges, reminiscing about his local Dallas-area connections, and the playing of two beloved Ticket audio drops: the famous *”Walker told me I have AIDS”* clip featuring a young Haley Joel Osment, and the all-time classic gaffe of former colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling Norris “Walker, Texas, Rayleigh” live on Mavericks TV — a moment that still reduced the hosts to laughter and served as the show’s warm, chaotic sign-off.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.