The Musers — 2025-11-28

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, November 28, 2025

📋 Segments This Day

• Observation Deck The Musers 11252025
• Wattle the Turkey The Musers 11252025
• Observation Deck The Musers 11242025
• Fake Jerry The Musers 11242025
• Chris Chris The Musers 11212025
• E-Brake The Musers 11212025
• Observation Deck The Musers 11212025
• Fake Stephen Jones Nico Harrison The Musers 11202025
• Touchdown Bros The Musers 11192025
• Observation Deck The Musers 11192025
• Fake Jerry The Musers 11182025
• Observation Deck The Musers 11182025

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

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Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck (11/25/2025): Gordo opens with a story about a Thai Buddhist temple (Wat Rat Phra Khong Tam in Nonthaburi, near Bangkok) where a woman believed dead by her brother was discovered alive when knocking was heard from her coffin. The story spirals into a discussion about whether the hosts would sleep in a closed coffin overnight for $1 million, with George firmly refusing and Craig saying he’d do it easily.

• Wattle the Turkey (11/25/2025): A recurring Musers Thanksgiving tradition in which Gordo voices a character — this year “Waddle,” one of the two turkeys pardoned by President Trump. The bit includes dark humor about Waddle’s criminal past, his brother Gobble’s immediate post-pardon death via carjacking, Waddle’s plans for influencer work in the Logan Paul ecosystem, commentary on Trump’s teleprompter habits, the Luka Dončić trade, and Melania Trump. The segment also loops back to the coffin conversation from the previous Observation Deck.

• Observation Deck (11/24/2025): Gordo gives his post-game observations following the Cowboys’ 24-21 win over the Eagles on Sunday. Topics include the Eagles’ throwback uniforms, bumper music at AT&T Stadium, the unidentified “flag crew” guys in cowboy hats in the end zone, an offensive lineman (Eagles) who never appeared to get set before the snap, football terminology trivia (offensive tackle vs. guard, halfback vs. fullback), pylon cam color, K balls, CeeDee Lamb’s contested catch and apparent cover-mouth conversation with Dak, and a special “O-Deck Platinum Observation Ribbon” awarded to Cowboys long snapper Elijah Clark for his fumble recovery on a punt.

• Fake Jerry (11/24/2025): A recurring bit in which a host voices a fake version of Jerry Jones calling in to discuss the Cowboys. “Fake Jerry” comments on the 24-21 win over Philadelphia, compares the volatile game to his crypto investments, and jokes about getting “sports horny” drunk after the win and placing anonymous bets on the Cowboys to win not just the Super Bowl but also the World Series, NBA Finals, and Kentucky Derby.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys vs. Eagles (11/24 Observation Deck and Fake Jerry): The Cowboys beat Philadelphia 24-21 at AT&T Stadium, improving to 5-5-1. Topics included:
• An Eagles offensive lineman who repeatedly appeared to not get set before the snap, which should have drawn a false start penalty
• CeeDee Lamb’s big catch that appeared close to offensive pass interference; after the TD, CD was seen covering his mouth while talking to Dak, possibly admitting he pushed off
• CeeDee Lamb having approximately three drops in the game, though none were described as consequential
• A punt fumble recovery by Cowboys long snapper Elijah Clark, who fought through blockers the entire way down the field — named Gordo’s “O-Deck Platinum Observation Ribbon” winner
• Gordo (as Fake Jerry) noting the Cowboys are back to .500 at 5-5-1 and that Kansas City is next on Thanksgiving Day at AT&T Stadium

• Mavericks/Luka Dončić trade (Waddle segment): Waddle (Gordo) briefly references the Luka trade, noting that “Nico guy” (Nico Harrison, Mavs GM) wasn’t pardoned by Mavs fans, and that seeing Luka in a Lakers jersey is still surreal

• George Pickens (Waddle segment): Waddle brings up George Pickens, praising his body control, particularly citing the Cowboys-Eagles game

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Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• Eagles throwback uniforms (11/24 Observation Deck): Gordo says the lighter green looked “AstroTurfy” and fake; George disagrees and prefers the older lighter green, saying the darker green is more “football menacing.” Gordo prefers the current darker green.
• Cowboys’ end zone flag crew: Craig (Junior) expresses that they don’t need Rowdy or the train horn at games, calling the horn “so Azle High School.” [~00:02:33 in the 11/24 Observation Deck]
• Eagles lineman not getting set: Gordo is frustrated that the lineman was never flagged, having even slowed down the footage to confirm. George raises the possibility that NFL teams pre-clear unusual lineman movements with officiating crews. [~00:02:49–00:04:08]
• Coffin overnight challenge: George absolutely refuses to sleep in a closed coffin overnight for any amount of money, including $1 million, saying he would die from the claustrophobia. Craig says he’d do it easily for $500,000. [11/25 Observation Deck, ~00:07:18–00:11:15]

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Gordo performs a brief dramatized zombie-groan as a “not accurate” re-enactment of the Thai woman waking up in her coffin [~00:02:38–00:02:54, 11/25 Observation Deck]
• “He just puts one round of .22 in her kneecap and calls her dead.” — Gordo, joking about how casually the brother confirmed his sister had died [~00:03:10]
• “If you die, you get the coffin for free. Which these days, those are expensive. That’s quite a bargain.” — Gordo to George during the coffin challenge negotiation [~00:09:02]
• Gordo tangents into a discussion of Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul of Pantera being buried in KISS coffins, noting that Vinnie Paul was a big Stars fan and a frequent Ticket guest [~00:04:34–00:05:03]
• Waddle (Gordo): “I strangled a couple hookers outside Portland in the 70s.” — said casually when asked what he was pardoned for [~00:03:13, Waddle segment]
• Waddle on Trump: “That guy improvises more than the Whose Line Is It Anyway show… He’s supposed to be reading the prompt and talking about pardons and all that, and he’s talking about Hillary’s cankles and Megyn Kelly’s periods.” [~00:03:52–00:04:14]
• Waddle on Dolly Madison: “The nudes of Dolly Madison are pretty good, but they had grooming issues… I would say if you count Dolly, we ought to consider George W. the third biggest Bush occupier in the White House.” [~00:05:20–00:05:32]
• Fake Jerry: “After last night’s victory, I got so drunk and I was so full of confidence and I was so sports horny that I placed a bunch of anonymous bets on the Cowboys to win not only the Super Bowl, but apparently the World Series, the NBA Finals, and the Kentucky Derby.” [Fake Jerry segment, ~00:01:00]
• Fake Jerry on the game: “It felt a lot like my crypto investments. Very volatile.” [~00:00:38]
• George’s joke explanation for the “fullback” name: “The fullback traditionally would eat a large meal right before the game, so he’d be full, and the halfback would only eat half a plate.” [~00:05:27, 11/24 Observation Deck]

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Observation Deck with Gordo: A regular sponsored segment (sponsored by TimeLock George I Care) in which Gordo shares observations, typically post-game but not exclusively
• Fake Jerry Jones: A long-running Musers recurring bit in which a host (here Gordo/Craig) voices a caricature of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones calling in after games
• Wattle/Gobble the Pardoned Turkey: Described on-air as a Musers annual Thanksgiving tradition — Gordo voices the pardoned presidential turkey in an interview format
• O-Deck Platinum Observation Ribbon Award: Gordo’s personal tongue-in-cheek award given during the Observation Deck segment; this week awarded to Cowboys long snapper Elijah Clark
• TicketStock reference: Craig pitches having George do the coffin challenge at TicketStock (the Ticket’s annual fan event at the Plano Centre), with proceeds going to the Senior Source — a charity the station has long supported
• Vinnie Paul/Dimebag Darrell (Pantera) as Ticket-friendly: Gordo references both brothers as people connected to The Ticket, noting Vinnie Paul was especially close to the station and was a Dallas Stars fan

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Summary

This portion of The Musers covers two days of content — the day after the Cowboys’ 24-21 win over the Eagles (11/24) and the Tuesday before Thanksgiving (11/25). The 11/24 content begins with Gordo’s Observation Deck covering the Cowboys game in his signature discursive style, touching on the Eagles’ throwback uniforms, a mysteriously un-flagged Eagles offensive lineman, CeeDee Lamb’s contested catch and apparent sideline confession to Dak, and a fumble recovery by long snapper Elijah Clark that Gordo celebrates with his “O-Deck Platinum Observation Ribbon” award. The Fake Jerry segment follows with a quick, sharp bit: Fake Jerry calls in characteristically drunk and “sports horny,” comparing the volatile game to his crypto investments and admitting he drunkenly bet on the Cowboys to win everything from the Super Bowl to the Kentucky Derby.

The 11/25 content leans heavily into pre-Thanksgiving comedy. The Observation Deck opens with Gordo recounting the story of a Thai woman found alive in her coffin at a Buddhist temple near Bangkok, which spirals naturally into a prolonged hypothetical about whether the hosts would sleep overnight in a closed coffin for money. George is immovable in his refusal — even for $1 million — citing crippling claustrophobia, while Craig says he’d do it easily for $500,000. Gordo floats the idea of building up George’s coffin tolerance gradually and pitching the challenge as a TicketStock charity event for the Senior Source, with George still firmly declining.

The Thanksgiving-week tradition of “Wattle/Gobble the Pardoned Turkey” closes out this portion, with Gordo delivering one of the show’s most reliably absurdist recurring bits. This year’s turkey is named Waddle, whose brother Gobble was immediately shot after carjacking a woman on Pennsylvania Avenue post-pardon. Waddle pivots fluidly from string theory to influencer work in the Logan Paul ecosystem to unprompted commentary on Trump’s teleprompter habits, Melania’s old modeling photos, Dolly Madison’s grooming, the Luka trade, and George Pickens — all while circling back to needle George about the coffin bet. It’s a showcase of the show’s signature blend of sharp topical humor, local sports loyalty, and cheerful bad taste.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Segments in This Portion

• Fake Jerry Jones / Fake Stephen Jones & Nico Harrison (11/20/2025): Gordo performs as a drunk, rambling “Jerry Jones” character ahead of the Cowboys-Eagles game and the upcoming Thanksgiving matchup vs. the Chiefs. Jerry announces he’s signing “George Pickering” (George Pickens), raising nacho prices to $75 to pay for it, comments on Dak passing Romo’s passing record, worries about the kicker and CD Lamb’s hair, and hopes to remind Taylor Swift he’s richer than her. The segment also includes a “Fake Stephen Jones” introduction (though that content is largely in the lead-in).

• Chris Chris (11/21/2025): A recurring character bit featuring “Chris Chris,” an insufferable, delusional braggart who claims to be an ultra-wealthy alpha male — gym legend, partial Cowboys owner (won 41% from Jerry in a poker game), mentor to Jalen Hurts, friend of Elon Musk and Tom Brady, with Sabrina Carpenter playing his guest bedroom. His stories are debunked when George reveals Chris’s friend “B-Turn” says Chris has been sleeping on his couch for six months and is about to be fired from The Ticket for not selling anything. Chris panics and dives through a window.

• E-Brake of the Week (11/21/2025): The weekly segment highlighting the most embarrassing on-air gaffe. Three candidates: (1) Crestman, a recurring character brought on during a Crest Cadillac ad read, who invents a non-existent Cadillac model called “the Mystic”; (2) Elf (Mark Elfenbein), who describes food as “dripping and oozing,” calls fajitas “chicken cockamamie,” and mispronounces “arugula” as “arugula” in a bizarre way, getting corrected on-air; (3) Killer (Jason Kellison), producer/engineer, who botches a live read for a Lynyrd Skynyrd/Foreigner concert, calling the band “Leonard and Skinner” and mashing up the tour name multiple times. Callers vote, and Elf wins with his third all-time E-Brake victory.

• Observation Deck (11/21/2025): Gordo’s solo segment where he discusses his Christmas vacation bucket list and gets sidetracked into YouTube rabbit holes.

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Observation Deck

• Gordo says he needs to plan his Christmas vacation to avoid just staying home, and wants to work through his bucket list
• Items considered:
• Skydiving dressed as Santa to raise money for charity
• Stunt plane riding (he’s already done this)
• Hot air balloon ride — George/Gordo both wary, referencing power lines, the Wizard of Oz, and the TV show *Lost*
• Racing car driving school — the one bucket list item George endorses
• Taking a knife-fighting course (in case of ninja attacks); George warns that introducing a knife into a fight is usually a bad idea
• Running with the bulls in Pamplona — ruled out because it’s the wrong time of year; Junior notes he once watched the course but didn’t run, and saw a cop beat a participant back into the street with a billy club
• Gordo advocates for pepper spray as the most underrated self-defense weapon
• Gordo mentions he spent two hours the night before watching “cart narks” on YouTube — a content creator who confronts people who don’t return shopping carts, slapping magnetic “lazy bones” stickers on their cars
• This leads to a general discussion of YouTube rabbit holes: porch pirate dye bomb videos, motorcycle crashes, animals doing stupid things
• Gordo and Gordo joke that he’ll end up doing none of the bucket list items because he’ll keep watching YouTube
• Junior notes the Running of the Bulls started in the 14th century; since 1910 there have been 15 recorded deaths at Pamplona, the last in 2009
• The segment ends with Gordo proposing a knife fight inside a hot air balloon while dressed as Santa Claus

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Sports Topics

• Cowboys vs. Eagles recap: Dallas won in a thriller; defense was improving heading into the game against what “Jerry” calls “Sacorn Broccoli and Jalen Herbst” (Saquon Barkley and Jalen Hurts); Cowboys only scored 7 in the first half
• Dak Prescott passing Tony Romo as the Cowboys’ all-time leading passer; “Jerry” jokes Dak paid homage to Romo by throwing a couple of interceptions
• Brandon Aubrey’s missed field goal — a 51-yarder early in the game; “Jerry” says to “keep an eye on him”
• CD Lamb’s health — appeared to be an issue in the game; Jerry pivots to mocking his hairstyle instead
• Cowboys’ upcoming Thanksgiving game vs. the Chiefs — “Jerry” hopes Taylor Swift attends so he can remind her he’s five times richer
• Chris Chris claims the Cowboys will win the Super Bowl in Minnesota (voiced by a caller)
• A caller also predicts Cowboys win the Super Bowl this year

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• Light disagreement over whether Crestman, Elf, or Killer deserved the E-Brake win — many (including hosts) thought Killer’s “Leonard and Skinner” gaffe was the strongest, but callers voted overwhelmingly for Elf
• Mild debate over whether Gordo’s knife-fighting bucket list item is a good idea; George and Junior are uniformly against it

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Phone Callers

• Caller voting for Elf — identifies as “Cesar up in New York,” also predicts Cowboys win the Super Bowl in Minnesota
• Caller voting for Elf — votes for “dripping and oozing”
• Caller doing a guitar lick and mentioning “Leonard Skinner” and the Cowboys
• Caller asking what the choices were — immediately mocked
• Cruz and Lito — vote for Elf, reference “Coach Timmy V” in an odd non-sequitur
• Caller voting for “illiterate Killer” — hosts shut it down
• “Mitchell Page” caller — bits about being a 1979 baseball card stuck on the back of Junior’s toilet for 46 years; hosts express mild discomfort using the late Mitchell Page as a punchline; Junior notes Page went to Cal Poly Pomona
• Caller who doesn’t know what’s happening — asks what they’re doing; hosts mock him
• Caller referencing “Mike Quick and Heath Sherman” (Eagles players from another era)
• “Chest man” caller — mishears “Crestman” as “Chest man,” votes for George
• Regular caller — references “Joe Cat” being away, says a female guest’s stories went unchallenged and something uncomfortable happened with “young Michael”; votes for Elf
• Final “Dripping and Izzy” caller — votes for Elf again

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• “Fake Jerry” announces $75 nachos to pay for “George Pickering” (George Pickens)
• Jerry says he celebrated the Eagles win by taking a helicopter downtown with Stephen and getting “good luck table dances from some future potential lawsuits”
• Jerry admits he’s “still a little drunk” and is “wearing a camelback of Johnny Walker Blue”
• Jerry refers to Saquon Barkley as “Sacorn Broccoli,” Jalen Hurts as “Jalen Herbst,” and defensive coordinator as “Mac Beavergoose” — the defense got “betterer”
• Jerry says Dak’s interceptions were “a nod to Romo — a very thoughtful homage”
• Jerry on his own appearance: “a toupee that looks like an unnatural shade of sewage gray,” “big horse teeth,” “the carpet and drapes don’t even match the drapes”
• Jerry on Taylor Swift: “I’d like to remind her I’m five times richer than her and I never had to learn to play a bedazzled tailor”
• Chris Chris claiming he “leg-pressed an entire offensive line” and “did a pull-up with three buffalo hanging off him” — “to raise awareness for gyms”
• Chris Chris’s charity: children “born with damaged trust funds” so they don’t have to go to kindergarten with less than seven figures in their brokerage account
• Chris Chris won 41% of the Cowboys from Jerry in a poker game with Dale Hansen, Owen Wilson, Dez Bryant, and Laura Bush — Jerry had two aces; Chris had “his fifth consecutive royal flush”
• Gordo on Running of the Bulls: “I need to rent out a different Pamplona”
• Gordo’s proposed vacation combo: “a knife fight inside a hot air balloon while dressed as Santa Claus”
• Gordo: “YouTube has been one of the worst greatest inventions of all time”
• Gordo notes that if you sign a waiver in Manila, it would be “a Manila waiver” — hosts go silent
• Elf calling fajitas “chicken cockamamie” and being corrected on “arugula” by EA (the automated station voice), prompting: “You’ve hit the lowest point of your life if you’ve been corrected by EA”
• Killer’s “Leonard and Skinner and Foreigner Double Trouble Vision” botched ad read; after being asked if he brought something back from Las Vegas: “I wish I could say I did, but I didn’t”

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• Taylor Swift — “Jerry” hopes she attends the Thanksgiving Cowboys-Chiefs game
• Sabrina Carpenter — referenced as playing Chris Chris’s guest bedroom at a party
• Elon Musk — name-dropped by Chris Chris as a party guest
• Tom Brady — referenced as Chris Chris’s “best friend” whom he “mentored into winning seven Super Bowls”
• Lynyrd Skynyrd / Foreigner — the concert Killer botched the ad read for (Double Vision/Double Trouble Tour at Dos Equis Pavilion, August 28)
• Wizard of Oz — referenced in the hot air balloon discussion; Gordo and George debate whether it was the tornado or hot air balloon that sent people to Oz
• Lost (TV show) — referenced; Junior notes that Ben arrived on the island via hot air balloon
• Cart narks YouTube channel — Gordo spent two hours watching a creator who confronts people who don’t return shopping carts
• Porch pirate dye bomb videos — Gordo mentions getting sucked into these on YouTube
• Frank Caliendo — briefly referenced in connection with a word that “means something to them because of Frank”
• Matt Damon — referenced in the E-Brake intro in connection with making a statement about “degrees of offenses” and catching backlash for it

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Summary

This portion of The Musers from November 21, 2025 opened with a Fake Jerry Jones bit tied to the Cowboys’ recent win over the Eagles and the upcoming Thanksgiving game against the Chiefs. Gordo’s Jerry was characteristically unhinged — announcing he’d signed “George Pickering” (George Pickens), raising nacho prices to $75, admitting he was still drunk from celebrating, mangling every player’s name, and joking that Dak’s interceptions were a heartfelt tribute to Tony Romo after surpassing his all-time passing record. The bit closed with Jerry hoping to see Taylor Swift at AT&T Stadium so he could remind her he’s five times richer than her.

The Chris Chris segment featured the recurring delusional braggart character in full form — claiming gym glory, a 41% Cowboys ownership stake won in a poker game against Jerry, Tom Brady mentorship, and a Sabrina Carpenter house party — before being completely exposed by George revealing that Chris has been sleeping on a friend’s couch for six months and is about to be fired from the Ticket for failing to sell anything. The E-Brake of the Week followed, pitting Crestman (inventing a fake Cadillac model), Killer (completely mangling the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Foreigner ad read as “Leonard and Skinner”), and Elf (calling fajitas “chicken cockamamie,” describing food as “dripping and oozing,” and mispronouncing arugula in a way that even the station’s automated voice EA had to correct). Despite widespread expectation that Killer’s gaffe was the year’s best, Elf won convincingly with callers.

The Observation Deck had Gordo pitching his Christmas vacation bucket list — skydiving as Santa, hot air ballooning, race car driving, knife fighting, and running with the bulls — to a skeptical George and Junior. The segment wandered entertainingly into self-defense philosophy (Gordo’s case for pepper spray as the most underrated weapon), the hazards of introducing a knife into a fight, the history of Pamplona’s Running of the Bulls (14th century origins, 15 deaths since 1910), and ultimately into Gordo’s confession that he spent his previous evening watching two hours of “cart narks” YouTube videos, followed by motorcycle crashes, followed by animals doing stupid things — with the hosts unanimously agreeing that the over-under on Gordo completing any bucket list item should be set at zero.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — Final Portion (2025-11-19 & 2025-11-18)

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Segments That Appeared

• Fake Jerry (11/18/2025) [~00:00:00]: Gordo’s recurring bit where he voices a fictional “Jerry Jones” calling into the show. This installment had Fake Jerry discussing the Cowboys’ 33-16 win over the Raiders, complaining about Mark Davis’ haircut and Pete Carroll’s gum-chewing, referencing a Dickens-style ghost visitation in his Vegas suite, and joking about why CD Lamb and George Pickens sat out the start of the game.

• Observation Deck — 11/18/2025 [~00:00:00]: Gordo’s regular commentary segment. Topics included watching the Cowboys-Raiders game without a DVR, Shedeur Sanders’ teammates wearing memorial shirts on the sideline, NFL bumper shots as underutilized advertising opportunities, the Manning Cast, Dak Prescott’s pregame handshake routine, CD Lamb and George Pickens being benched to start the game, the bean bag/beanbag penalty marker (“little black hockey puck”), Tyler Guyton’s flop, and Jake Ferguson’s unusual celebration mime.

• Fake Jerry / Stephen Jones Continuation + Nico Harrison Bit [appearing at top of transcript, before segment labels]: A comedic extension of the Fake Jerry universe in which “Stephen Jones” calls in, announces he’s hired “Nico Harrison” away from the Dallas Mavericks, and passes the phone to a Gordo-voiced Nico Harrison character who riffs about Rob Pelinka, trading Dak and CD Lamb, and trying to set a world record by running two Dallas teams into the ground in the same season.

• Touchdown Bros (11/19/2025) [~00:00:00]: A bit framed as eavesdropping on a fictional Philadelphia sports radio morning show called “The Touchdown Brothers,” hosted by “Jimmy Amendola” and “Tony Ragoo.” They celebrate Nico Harrison as a hero for devastating Dallas, trash-talk the Cowboys and Dak Prescott ahead of Cowboys-Eagles week, and take a call from a fictional Philly fan named “Nicholas” who invites the hosts to Thanksgiving dinner and complains about his mom’s boyfriend Vinny.

• Observation Deck — 11/19/2025 [~00:00:00]: Gordo’s segment covered the airport security bin/shoe germaphobia he apparently sparked in a listener, the habit of removing shoes inside the house, and a detailed discussion of a real news story out of Indiana in which a homeowner (Kurt Anderson) shot and killed a cleaning woman (Maria Florinda Rios Perez de la Vasquez) who was at the wrong house trying to enter with a key. The case raised discussion of stand-your-ground and castle doctrine laws, gun training, and the ethics and legality of firing blindly through a door.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys 33-16 win over the Raiders [Fake Jerry, 11/18]: Referenced throughout as the backdrop for Fake Jerry’s call — it was the Cowboys’ fourth win of the season. CD Lamb and George Pickens sitting out the start of the game due to an undisclosed violation was a recurring topic.
• Cowboys vs. Eagles upcoming game [Touchdown Bros, 11/19]: Framed as “Cowboys-Eagles week,” with the fictional Philly hosts dismissing the Cowboys’ Raiders win as unimpressive and calling Dak Prescott the most overrated quarterback in football history.
• Quentin Williams trade [Fake Jerry, 11/18]: Fake Jerry praised the trade acquisition of Quentin Williams (from the Jets or Bengals) and preferred him to Max Crosby, whom he disliked for his tattoos.
• Dak Prescott’s pregame handshake routine [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Gordo noted Dak going down the offensive line shaking hands before series, praising it as a leadership moment — particularly the first time Lamb and Pickens were in the lineup after sitting out.
• CD Lamb and George Pickens benched to start the game [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Discussed whether benching star players for a series is meaningful accountability or just symbolic window dressing.
• Dallas Mavericks / Nico Harrison [Stephen Jones/Nico bit and Touchdown Bros]: Nico Harrison’s tenure with the Mavericks was mocked, with the fictional Harrison joking about trading Dak and CD Lamb to Rob Pelinka for “Brawny” and trying to run two Dallas teams into the ground simultaneously.
• Pete Carroll coaching the Raiders [Fake Jerry, 11/18]: Fake Jerry expressed annoyance at Carroll’s gum-chewing, comparing it to “a horse trying to work on a jar of peanut butter.”
• Manning Cast on ESPN [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Brief discussion of George W. Bush appearing on the Manning Cast during the Cowboys-Raiders game; the hosts agreed they enjoy it but can’t watch it during a game they care about.
• NFL bean bag/penalty marker [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Gordo expressed recurring confusion and frustration about why referees still throw a beanbag to mark spots when video replay is available.
• Eye-in-the-sky officiating technology [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Briefly mentioned as a potential replacement for the beanbag system.
• Tyler Guyton flop [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Gordo called out Cowboys offensive lineman Tyler Guyton for an exaggerated delayed flop after a punch during the Raiders game, calling it Oscar-worthy.
• NFL bumper shots as city advertising [Observation Deck, 11/18]: Gordo pitched the idea that networks should sell bumper shot slots to local businesses in host cities as paid advertising.

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Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

• Gordo (Observation Deck, 11/18): Stated flatly that the Cowboys are not going to make the playoffs — “I don’t think they’re gonna make the playoffs” — framing the Lamb/Pickens benching as more about establishing a new culture than winning games this season.
• Fake Nico Harrison bit: Joked about trying to “set a world record by running two Dallas teams into the ground during the same season” — a satirical but pointed commentary on the real Nico Harrison’s controversial tenure with both the Mavs and (in the bit) the Cowboys.
• Touchdown Brothers (Philly bit): Fictional hosts declared Dak Prescott “the most overrated, overpaid quarterback not only in football history, but in world history,” and dismissed the Cowboys’ Raiders win as a poor performance.

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Phone Callers

• “Nicholas” [Touchdown Bros, 11/19]: A fictional caller on the fake Philly radio show, played for laughs. He invited the hosts to Thanksgiving dinner, mentioned his mom’s boyfriend Vinny punched him in the groin hard enough to send him to the ER, and asked the hosts whether the Cowboys “suck” — played entirely as a parody of a stereotypical Philly sports caller.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• Fake Stephen Jones / Nico Harrison cold open: Stephen (Gordo) announced he hired Nico Harrison without asking Jerry, then passed the phone to “Nico,” who explained he was persuaded to join the Cowboys after Rob Pelinka asked him about attaching a baby alligator to his scrotum with scotch tape — and that Pelinka is his “lord and savior.” [~00:03:57–00:07:26]

• Fake Jerry’s ghost visitation in Vegas [Fake Jerry, 11/18, ~00:02:48–00:03:48]: Fake Jerry described being visited in his “Steven Paddock Mandalay Bay suite” by the ghost of Al Davis in a tracksuit, who warned him three football ghosts would come: the ghost of NFL past (showing Jerry and Jimmy Johnson loving each other in 1992), the ghost of NFL present (Gene Jones in an intimate moment with someone in the next suite), and OJ Simpson, who “took me into hell… and then cut my head off.”

• Fake Jerry on Mark Davis [Fake Jerry, 11/18, ~00:00:44–00:01:43]: “It’s not really a hairstyle so much as it is a cry for help.” Fake Jerry also speculated that Davis must have “old Pete Davidson hog down there” to attract his young girlfriend.

• Fake Jerry on the Cowboys’ CD Lamb/Pickens situation [~00:04:07–00:04:52]: “They went out gambling and ended up double teaming a stripper in a dilapidated bathroom stall in a tired steakhouse. But I can’t get into it. It’s only okay when Stephen and I do it.”

• Touchdown Bros bit [11/19]: The entire Philly radio parody, complete with the hosts thanking Nico Harrison for “the private video of him dancing on Don Carter’s and Tom Landry’s graves,” struggling to remember the name of The Ticket (“the spigot… the pigskin channel”), and debating whether Tom Brady “backed into” his Super Bowls.

• Gordo watching the game without a DVR [Observation Deck, 11/18, ~00:00:04–00:01:13]: “It feels like I have zero control over my life when I can’t even back it up to rewatch a play. This is inhuman.”

• Gordo on Tyler Guyton’s flop [Observation Deck, 11/18, ~00:10:16–00:10:36]: “The Oscar goes to Tyler Guyton for that ridiculous flop… three seconds later he does the Kennedy head snap.” He then clarified he meant “Kennedy the old VJ from MTV… I don’t remember him doing a head snap — that was a girl… woman… person… anyway.”

• Fake Jerry on Pete Carroll’s gum-chewing [~00:05:04–00:05:53]: “He looks like a horse trying to work on a jar of peanut butter. He’s more annoying than Gene when she wants to buy one of them $100 million pieces of scrap iron that some art theater commissioners are.”

• Fake Stephen Jones’ hat size and birth story [cold open]: Stephen revealed his hat size is 14¾ and recounted his mother saying giving birth to him “looked like she passed a 16-pound bowling ball with a squirrel body attached to it.”

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The final segment heard is the Observation Deck from 11/19, which ends with Gordo wrapping up his shooting/homeowner story from Indiana, with the hosts landing on the conclusion that it raises “a lot of very thorny issues” around gun ownership, stand-your-ground law, and the tragedy of firing without identifying a target. There is no explicit closing sign-off, preview of upcoming segments, or traditional goodbye captured in this portion of the transcript.

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Final Notable Quotes

• Fake Nico Harrison: *”I’m just trying to see if I can set a world record by running two Dallas teams into the ground during the same season.”* [~00:06:10–00:06:22]

• Fake Jerry on his Vegas ghostly visitation: *”OJ took me into hell and showed me the place the devil had prepared for me… Then he cut my head off.”* [Fake Jerry, 11/18, ~00:03:38–00:03:48]

• Gordo on watching live TV: *”It’s the strangest sensation — it feels like I have zero control over my life when I can’t even back it up to rewatch a play.”* [Observation Deck, 11/18, ~00:01:04–00:01:09]

• Gordo on the beanbag marker: *”I’ve never understood this half-assed thing that you throw out on the field where a bunch of players’ feet are kicking around it.”* [Observation Deck, 11/18, ~00:09:57–00:10:05]

• Fake Jerry on Mark Davis: *”It’s not really a hairstyle so much as it is a cry for help.”* [Fake Jerry, 11/18, ~00:01:22]

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the Musers opens in the middle of an extended comedic universe built around the Jones family and the Cowboys’ front office. The cold open features Gordo voicing “Stephen Jones,” who announces he has made a unilateral hire — Nico Harrison — and passes the phone to a Gordo-played Harrison who delivers an absurdist stream of consciousness about Rob Pelinka as his “lord and savior,” trading away Dak and CD Lamb for “Brawny,” and his ambition to break the world record for running two Dallas franchises into the ground in a single season. This flows directly into the Fake Jerry segment from the day prior, in which Gordo’s Jerry Jones calls in to celebrate the Cowboys’ 33-16 win over the Raiders, riffing on Mark Davis’ hair, Pete Carroll’s gum-chewing, a Dickens-style ghost visitation from Al Davis and OJ Simpson in his Mandalay Bay suite, and the unspecified misconduct that caused CD Lamb and George Pickens to sit out the start of the game.

The comedy continues with the “Touchdown Bros” segment, a parody of a Philadelphia sports radio morning show in which fictional hosts Jimmy Amendola and Tony Ragoo celebrate Nico Harrison as a Dallas-destroying hero, trash-talk Dak Prescott as the most overrated quarterback in world history, and take a call from “Nicholas,” a comic Philly everyman living in his mother’s basement whose mom’s boyfriend Vinny once punched him in the groin hard enough to land him in the ER. The bit effectively skewers both Eagles fan culture and the real anxieties Dallas fans have about the Nico Harrison era, wrapping the Cowboys’ dysfunction in a satirical Philly wrapper ahead of Cowboys-Eagles week.

The two Observation Deck segments provide a grounding counterweight to the comedy. The earlier one (from 11/18) is a free-ranging Gordo monologue about watching the Cowboys game without a DVR, emotional observations about Cowboys players wearing memorial shirts for Shedeur Sanders on the sideline, a pitch for networks to sell NFL bumper shots as local business ads, the Manning Cast, the significance of Dak’s pregame handshake ritual, and some light NFL officiating frustration over bean bag markers and Tyler Guyton’s flop. The later one (from 11/19) takes a more serious turn as Gordo details the Indiana case of a homeowner who shot and killed a Guatemalan cleaning woman who was at the wrong house, prompting a substantive discussion about gun training, stand-your-ground laws, castle doctrine, the ethics of firing blindly through a door, and whether the homeowner deserves legal protection — leaving the hosts in agreement that it raises thorny questions without clean answers.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.