The Musers — 2025-09-12
The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, September 12, 2025
📋 Segments This Day
- Ribby Paultz
- Ribby Paultz The Musers 9112025
- Observation Deck The Musers 9112025
- Ribby Paultz
- Fake Nolan Ryan The Musers 9102025
- Observation Deck The Musers 9102025
- Elmer Wayne The Musers 992025
- Observation Deck The Musers 992025
🎙️ Early Show Analysis
Segments
Ribby Paultz [00:00:00-00:07:58]: A recurring character (longtime NFL draft expert) calls in claiming to want to be The Ticket’s official Taylor Swift correspondent. Ribby claims he dated Taylor’s mother and might be her father, citing “Easter eggs” like sourdough bread references. He also claims Taylor will perform at the Super Bowl halftime show and mentions pivoting his business from a fax newsletter to sports representation after unsuccessfully representing Micah Parsons in contract negotiations.
Observation Deck with Gordo [00:00:00-00:12:54]: Gordo discusses the death of Ruth Paine at age 92, a key figure in the JFK assassination. Paine owned the house where Lee Harvey Oswald stayed the night before the assassination and helped him get the job at the Texas School Book Depository. Gordo details Oswald’s final night, his attempt to reconcile with his wife Marina, leaving his wedding ring and money behind, and the discovery of the missing rifle from Paine’s garage.
Sports Topics Discussed
- Cowboys: [00:07:30] Brief mention of Ribby Paultz representing Micah Parsons in unsuccessful contract negotiations with Jerry Jones
- NFL/Super Bowl: [00:04:48-00:06:22] Discussion of Taylor Swift potentially performing at Super Bowl halftime show; [00:06:28-00:06:42] Ribby claims he taught Taylor Swift about football before Travis Kelce
Funny Moments and Memorable Quotes
- Ribby’s Taylor Swift knowledge [00:02:05-00:02:33]: Claims to love all her albums on cassette but hasn’t listened to them, thinks “Shake It Off” is about Parkinson’s disease
- Musical credentials [00:05:24-00:05:36]: Ribby claims he “invented the breakdance and the electric boogaloos, the Caterpillar, the sprinkler” and had a line of VHS dance tapes
- Business pivot [00:07:08-00:07:17]: Ribby explains his sports fax newsletter failed because fax machines dropped from 150 million in 1995 to just four in 2025
- Conspiracy theory humor [00:12:37-00:12:50]: Gordo jokes that Ruth Paine was “silenced” by the government at age 92, saying “The government does not forget” and “It’s a dish best served very cold”
Recurring Bits and Inside Jokes
- Ribby Paultz character: [Throughout first segment] Long-running character who claims expertise in various areas with dubious credentials and rambling explanations
- “Without further ado”: [Multiple times] Ribby’s signature phrase used repeatedly throughout his appearances
- JFK assassination obsession: [Observation Deck segment] Gordo’s well-known fascination with JFK assassination details and conspiracy theories
This portion of the show featured classic Musers content with Gordo’s signature character work through Ribby Paultz and his deep dive into JFK assassination history. The Ribby character provided absurd comedy through his ridiculous claims about Taylor Swift, while Gordo’s Observation Deck offered genuine historical insight mixed with conspiracy theory humor. The show seamlessly blended sports talk (Cowboys/NFL) with pop culture (Taylor Swift) and historical commentary, showcasing the eclectic mix that defines The Musers’ format.
The humor derived primarily from Ribby’s completely implausible claims delivered with unwavering confidence, from dating Taylor Swift’s mother to inventing breakdancing to having only four fax machines left in America. Meanwhile, Gordo’s extensive knowledge of the JFK assassination provided fascinating details about Ruth Paine’s role, while playfully acknowledging conspiracy theory thinking.
The segments demonstrated the show’s ability to take seemingly unrelated topics – Taylor Swift’s football knowledge and a 92-year-old’s death – and create entertaining radio through character work and storytelling, with the hosts playing along with the absurdity while providing genuine information and insight.
⏰ Mid-Show Analysis
Segments
Ribby Paultz – A comedic interview with recurring character “Ribby Paltz,” claiming to be Taylor Swift’s father and applying to be The Ticket’s Taylor Swift correspondent. He makes outlandish claims about dating Swift’s mother, teaching Taylor football, and confirms she’ll perform at the Super Bowl halftime show.
Fake Nolan Ryan – A satirical interview with “Nolan Ryan” who rants about his hatred for former Rangers executive John Daniels, threatens DFW with destruction via John Deere tractor and Ewok attacks if Daniels isn’t delivered to his “snow monkey compound.” Also discusses his wife Ruth’s crush on Jerry Jones.
Observation Deck – Gordo’s regular segment discussing various topics including pets (cats vs dogs), favorite meals of the day, and new food offerings at Cowboys Stadium, with criticism of pretentious restaurant menu language.
Elmer Wayne – Brief mention of taking calls from listeners about college football, starting with a caller from Van Zandt County.
Observation Deck Content
- Pet Discussion [00:01:10-00:02:45]: Conversation about feeding schedules for dogs vs cats, with Gordo revealing he has about five house cats
- Meal Preferences [00:02:57-00:04:50]: Debate over which meal of the day is best – breakfast, lunch, or dinner, with discussion of proper eating habits
- Cowboys Stadium Food [00:06:08-00:12:33]: Detailed review of new menu items including lobster rolls, Sonoran-style hot dogs, elote burgers, Frito pie burgers, Texas burritos, and dessert nachos
- Menu Language Criticism [00:09:40-00:12:27]: Gordo’s rant against pretentious food descriptions like “locally sourced” and “homemade” vs “house-made”
Sports Topics
- Rangers vs Astros [Fake Nolan Ryan segment]: Discussion of Rangers being 2.5 games behind Astros in division race
- Baseball Management Philosophy [00:04:53-00:05:58]: “Nolan Ryan’s” complaints about modern pitch counts vs old-school complete games
- College Football [Elmer Wayne segment]: Brief mention of college football opinions and taking listener calls
Funny Moments and Gordo Bits
- Ribby Paultz claiming Taylor Swift paternity [00:04:00-00:04:48]: “There is a very good chance that I could be Taylor Swift’s dad”
- Nolan Ryan’s elaborate revenge fantasy [00:02:29-00:04:17]: Detailed description of torture device made of “plywood and bad intentions” for John Daniels
- Gordo’s broadcasting sneeze defense [00:05:28-00:05:40]: Claiming his uncovered sneezes were protected by “broadcast laws” as entertainment
- “Locally inspired churros” [00:10:45-00:10:50]: Mockery of pretentious food descriptions
Pop Culture Topics
- Taylor Swift Discussion: Extensive fake interview about Swift’s NFL knowledge and upcoming Super Bowl performance
- Jerry Jones Netflix Documentary: “Nolan Ryan’s” wife Ruth developing a crush on Jerry Jones after watching his documentary
Summary
This portion of The Musers showcased classic Ticket comedy with two elaborate character bits. The Ribby Paultz segment lampooned celebrity culture and sports media’s obsession with Taylor Swift, while the fake Nolan Ryan interview took the show into absurdist territory with increasingly unhinged threats and bizarre personal revelations. The tone shifted during Observation Deck as Gordo delivered more grounded commentary on everyday topics like pet ownership and restaurant culture, though still maintaining his signature comedic edge.
The sports content was minimal, serving mainly as setup for the comedy bits, with brief mentions of the Rangers-Astros race and college football. The show demonstrated The Ticket’s unique ability to blend sports talk with creative character work and observational humor.
The closing mention of taking calls suggests the hosts were transitioning back to more traditional sports talk radio format, balancing their entertainment segments with actual sports discussion that P1s (listeners) expect from the station.
🏁 Final Hour Analysis
What segments appeared in this portion?
Elmer Wayne segment [00:00:17-00:07:39]
Gordo’s character “Elmer Wayne” calls in claiming to be George’s cousin from Van Zandt County. This absurdist bit involves increasingly outrageous stories about trailer park life, inbreeding, meth labs, violent incidents, and requests for college football tickets and heart ventricles.
Observation Deck [00:00:00-00:11:58]
Gordo’s regular segment covering various topics including Nantucket’s cocaine levels in wastewater, a rumored UT freshman Powerball winner, and discussions about private jets and wealth.
Phone callers
Elmer Wayne [00:00:17-00:07:39]
Gordo performing as his recurring character “Elmer Wayne,” calling from Van Zandt County Jail claiming to be George’s cousin.
Funny moments or memorable Gordo bits
Elmer Wayne’s trailer park tales [00:00:17-00:07:39]
- Claims he taught George how to French kiss “many times” and other inappropriate lessons
- Describes having 13 children with first cousin Ruth Ann, all with genetic problems
- Tells story about his son “E.W. Deuce” being mauled by a pit bull, with body parts found in different counties
- Requests heart ventricles from George, planning to combine them with “old car parts”
- Supports Alabama, Texas A&M, Georgia, and Texas simultaneously because he “didn’t go to all of them equally”
- Admits to hiding a constable’s body in his woodshed
Observation Deck comedy [Various timestamps]
- Nantucket cocaine wastewater monitoring discussion, wanting a “cocaine urine dashboard” for every city [00:00:49-00:02:58]
- UT freshman allegedly posting Powerball win on social media [00:05:39-00:07:56]
- Private jet envy while watching “Succession,” wanting to become a “business typhoon” (corrected to “tycoon”) [00:09:54-00:11:50]
How did the show wrap up?
The show ended with Gordo’s Observation Deck segment discussing private jets and wealth envy. After talking about NetJets and the cost of private planes ($2-100 million), Gordo expressed his desire to become a “world-class business typhoon” (corrected to tycoon), move to Nantucket, and have them monitor his urine. The hosts wished him luck with his ambitious plans before signing off.
Final notable quotes or moments
“I need to be a world-class business typhoon.” – Gordo [00:11:39]
Junior corrected him: “It’s tycoon.”
“And then move to Nantucket and then let them monitor my urine.” – Gordo [00:11:49]
3-paragraph summary
This final portion opened with one of Gordo’s most outrageous character calls as “Elmer Wayne,” supposedly George’s cousin from Van Zandt County. The bit escalated through increasingly dark and absurd trailer park stories, from inbred children and meth labs to violent dog attacks and hiding bodies. Elmer Wayne’s requests ranged from Alabama football tickets to borrowing heart ventricles, all delivered with Gordo’s signature deadpan delivery that had George repeatedly denying any familial connection.
The Observation Deck segment showcased Gordo’s fascination with unusual news stories, particularly Nantucket’s practice of monitoring cocaine levels in their wastewater (50% above national average). He fantasized about having similar dashboards for every city and expressed genuine intrigue about tracking drug usage through sewage analysis. The discussion then shifted to rumors of a UT freshman winning half of a $1.8 billion Powerball jackpot and foolishly posting about it on social media.
The show concluded with the hosts discussing the allure of private jet travel, sparked by Gordo’s viewing of “Succession.” This led to revelations that both George and Junior had experienced private aviation, while Gordo expressed his envy and declared his intention to become a “business typhoon” (tycoon) so he could afford such luxury. The segment perfectly captured the show’s blend of genuine curiosity, absurdist humor, and the hosts’ comfortable dynamic as they transitioned from serious topics to complete silliness.
Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.
