The Musers — 2025-10-29
The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Wednesday, October 29, 2025
📋 Segments This Day
- Elmer Wayne
🎙️ Early Show Analysis
Here is the analysis of this transcript portion:
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Segments in This Portion
- Elmer Wayne [00:00:00–00:02:14]: A phone call bit featuring a recurring character named “Elmer Wayne from Van Zandt County,” who claims to be George Dunham’s cousin. The segment is a comedic, absurdist call in which Elmer Wayne invites George to be the grand marshal of a chaotic, deeply inappropriate “Dunham Family Halloween carnival.”
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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable Quotes
- [00:00:23] Elmer Wayne claims he and George used to blow up cows by “shoving tannerite up their ass and waiting for them to fart” — George emphatically denies this.
- [00:01:01] Elmer Wayne describes his family’s version of a pool as the “Septic Swamp” — a collapsed septic tank they swim in anyway.
- [00:01:45] The Halloween carnival activities described escalate absurdly: a “pin the donkey on the tail” Tijuana donkey show, shooting apples off each other’s heads (“despite what happened last year”), and dressing as homicidal clowns to terrorize an old folks’ home in the middle of the night.
- George’s repeated deadpan reactions — “That’s terrible,” “No,” “Oh, man” — serve as the straight-man counterpoint throughout.
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Phone Callers
- Elmer Wayne from Van Zandt County [00:00:14]: A recurring comedic character (almost certainly a Gordo bit/voice) who calls in claiming to be George Dunham’s cousin. The call is entirely a comedic premise — inviting George to be grand marshal of a Halloween carnival featuring a series of increasingly outrageous and inappropriate activities.
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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes
- Elmer Wayne from Van Zandt County appears to be a recurring character, given his familiarity with George and the established dynamic of George denying the “cousin” claim. The bit plays on rural Texas stereotypes and absurdist humor.
- George’s pool is referenced as a known detail, suggesting it has come up before on the show.
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3-Paragraph Summary
This portion of The Musers consists entirely of a single comedic phone call segment featuring the recurring character Elmer Wayne from Van Zandt County, who is introduced as calling in during what the host describes as an open-phones sports discussion. Rather than sports talk, the segment immediately pivots to Elmer Wayne’s absurdist persona — a crude, cheerfully oblivious rural Texan who insists he is George Dunham’s cousin and shares a history of bizarre activities with him, including the detonation of livestock using tannerite.
The meat of the call is Elmer Wayne’s pitch for George to serve as the celebrity grand marshal of the “Dunham Family Halloween Carnival,” a fictional event whose listed activities escalate from crude to dangerous to outright criminal — including a Tijuana donkey show, apple-shooting (with a dark implication about last year’s results), and a midnight terrorizing of elderly nursing home residents while dressed as homicidal clowns. George plays the straight man throughout, repeatedly registering disgust and disbelief with short reactions like “That’s terrible” and “Oh, man.”
The segment is a clear comedic bit, almost certainly performed by Gordo (Gordon Keith), who is known for voice characters and absurdist humor on The Ticket. It contains no actual sports content, despite the setup promising sports calls, which is itself part of the joke. The bit is brief but dense with gags and plays on well-established Ticket humor tropes including rural Texas caricature, George Dunham as a foil, and the subversion of the standard caller format.
⏰ Mid-Show Analysis
I need more of the transcript to provide a complete and accurate analysis. The portion you’ve shared (starting at [00:02:16]) appears to drop us into the middle of a Gordo character bit — likely a recurring bit featuring an older rural Southern character (referred to as “Omer Wayne”) talking to “George” — but the transcript cuts off mid-bit and doesn’t include enough content to fully address all the requested categories.
That said, here is what I can identify from what you’ve shared:
Segments Appearing in This Portion
- A Gordo character bit featuring a fictional older Southern man named “Omer Wayne” speaking to “George.” The character is recounting marital troubles, an extramarital affair with a deeply troubled woman named Roxanne, getting chased up a tree by his wife Ruth Ann with a shotgun, and contracting rabies from a raccoon while treed.
Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable One-Liners
- [00:02:33] The game “Bobbing for Oxycontin” is referenced, with Gordo and George arguing over who named it
- [00:04:15] “When you’re horny, red flags look like six flags” — attributed by Omer Wayne to George, who denies it
- [00:03:26] The woman was “out on bail for murder of her last husband, which was her sixth and seventh” — clarified as “sixth murder, seventh husband”
- [00:04:48] Omer Wayne casually mentions getting “a slight dash of rabies” from a raccoon while stuck in a tree
Could you provide the full transcript for a complete analysis?
🏁 Final Hour Analysis
Based on the transcript provided, I can only analyze what’s actually present in this short excerpt. Here is my analysis:
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Segments in This Portion
- Elmer Wayne Phone Call Bit (~00:04:51–00:07:06): A comedic phone-in segment featuring a recurring character named “Elmer Wayne,” a fictional caller who spins an absurdist tale involving rabies, getting beaten out of a tree with an “Elin Norgren signature 7-iron,” being put on life support, and requesting a brain transplant from the host. The host (likely George Dunham, SPEAKER_00) plays the straight man throughout.
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Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits
- The entire Elmer Wayne call is a comedic highlight. Standout moments include:
- Elmer Wayne describing a “makeshift dumbwaiter” his wife Ruth Ann used to lure him down from a tree with a glass of water because “rabies people” are hydrophobic (~00:05:00)
- Being beaten with an “Elin Norgren signature 7-iron” — a Tiger Woods scandal reference played completely deadpan (~00:05:10)
- Being hooked up to a “temporary external pig left hemisphere” that lets him “find a chuffer from 38 miles away but can’t do long division” (~00:06:07–00:06:18)
- Asking the host to be grand marshal of a Halloween party in a “white robe and wizard hat,” which the host shuts down firmly (~00:06:53–00:06:57)
- The host’s exasperated sign-off: *”Here goes Elmer Wayne, not my cousin”* is a funny, recurring-style disclaimer (~00:07:06)
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Phone Callers
- Elmer Wayne — a fictional/recurring comedic caller, not a real sports caller. His call is entirely a comedy bit.
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How the Show Wrapped Up
- The segment ends abruptly after the host dismisses Elmer Wayne’s request to be Halloween party grand marshal, closing with the repeated disclaimer that Elmer Wayne is “not my cousin” (~00:07:06). No preview of upcoming segments or closing sports thoughts were included in this excerpt.
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Notable Quotes
- *”I’m hooked up to a temporary external pig left hemisphere. I can find a chuffer from 38 miles away, but I can’t do long division.”* — Elmer Wayne (~00:06:07–00:06:18)
- *”Here goes Elmer Wayne, not my cousin.”* — Host (~00:07:06)
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3-Paragraph Summary
This brief excerpt from The Musers features the tail end of a comedic phone call from “Elmer Wayne,” a recurring fictional character known for his outlandish, rural-flavored tall tales. In this installment, Elmer Wayne claims he contracted rabies, retreated to a tree, was lured down by a glass of water (exploiting his hydrophobia), and was subsequently beaten with an “Elin Norgren signature 7-iron” by someone named Georgia — a deadpan reference to the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal. He then describes surviving life support, enjoying it because it relieved him of the burden of breathing, before ultimately being taken off of it.
The bit escalates further as Elmer Wayne explains he now requires a brain transplant and is currently running on a “temporary external pig left hemisphere,” which grants him heightened animal instincts but has cost him the ability to do long division. He appeals to the host to donate half of his brain, citing the host’s own (apparently never-actually-said) claim that he does the show “with half his brain tied behind his back.” The host remains steadfastly in straight-man mode throughout, flatly refusing and pointing out that brain transplants are not a real medical procedure.
The call wraps up with Elmer Wayne pivoting to ask the host to serve as grand marshal of a Halloween party — wearing a white robe and wizard hat — which the host briefly entertains before shutting it down. The segment closes with the host’s signature dismissal: “Here goes Elmer Wayne, not my cousin.” The excerpt is purely comedic with no sports content present, suggesting it occurred during a lighter, transitional moment in the show.
Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.
