The Musers — 2025-11-06

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Thursday, November 6, 2025

📋 Segments This Day

• Fake Jerry Jones The Musers 1142025
• Observation Deck
• Fake Jerry Jones
• Observation Deck The Musers 1142025
• Fake Jerry Jones
• Observation Deck
• Observation Deck
• Observation Deck

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Analysis of The Musers — 2025-11-06 (Portion)

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Segments That Appeared

• Fake Jerry Jones [00:00:00 in first segment]: Gordo performs his recurring “Fake Jerry Jones” character in a mock phone interview on the Ticket Hotline. “Jerry” reacts to the Cowboys’ loss to the Cardinals, riffs on Dak, the defense, George Pickens, the stadium experience, the Thanksgiving halftime show, and his wife Gene.

• Observation Deck [00:00:00 in Observation Deck segment]: Gordo’s regular commentary segment, sponsored by Tylock George Eye Care. He delivers a series of sardonic observations from the previous night’s Cowboys-Cardinals game, covering topics like the closed roof, Dak’s pregame sweating, the Cowboys’ helmet stripe, Brandon Aubrey’s missed kick, and a Danish NFL player on the Cardinals’ roster.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys (primary focus throughout both segments):
• Cowboys lost back-to-back games for the first time this season, following losses to the Broncos and the 2-5 Cardinals
• Jacoby Brissett started for Arizona (Kyler Murray did not play despite speculation he would return) and outplayed Dak Prescott
• The Cowboys’ defense was described as struggling badly, unable to stop even a backup quarterback
• The offense also underperformed, with Dak Prescott criticized for his play
• George Pickens received criticism for a dumb unsportsmanlike conduct penalty (holding the ball out to an opponent)
• CB Trevon Diggs stand-in “Jerron Bland” was called out for poor play (likely referring to cornerback Jourdan Lewis or DaRon Bland — context suggests DaRon Bland)
• Brandon Aubrey attempted a long field goal (approximately 70 yards) and missed, with the hosts noting a rushed snap contributed to the miss; Cam Little had broken the long FG record days earlier, which softened the moment
• The Cowboys’ red zone offense and third-down conversions were called out as especially poor
• The Stars hosting an outdoor classic game at AT&T Stadium was briefly mentioned as a bright spot for the venue
• The Thanksgiving halftime show performer was teased as “Post Malone” (via the “post-Karl Malone” joke)
• George W. Bush and Laura Bush were present at the game for the national anthem; Jerry Jones was oddly standing near the performers on the field
• Gordo noted Jerry Jones’s right arm appears visibly impaired — unable to fully extend or shake hands effectively — and speculated briefly about the cause
• The Cowboys’ retractable roof at AT&T Stadium was left closed despite beautiful weather; the mechanics of the roof were briefly investigated by a listener (P1 Chris), who reported it uses a rack and pinion drive system, not a single button

• Dallas Stars: Briefly mentioned — the Stars will play an outdoor classic game at AT&T Stadium, which “Fake Jerry” pitched as a reason for fans to still buy tickets

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Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• Gordo vs. Craig (Junior) on the Cowboys’ helmet stripe [Observation Deck, ~00:03:53]: Gordo argued strongly that the red, white, and blue stripe on the Cowboys’ helmet should be made permanent since they are “America’s Team.” Craig pushed back, saying it’s great as a one-game-a-year thing and that red isn’t one of the Cowboys’ colors. Gordo held firm.

• Gordo on the closed roof [Observation Deck, ~00:00:15]: Gordo expressed clear frustration that the roof and doors were closed at AT&T Stadium on what he described as a beautiful night, suggesting they should just “caulk it shut” since it never seems to be open.

• Gordo on Brandon Aubrey [Observation Deck, ~00:09:53]: While acknowledging the missed long field goal, Gordo defended Aubrey firmly — noting the snap was rushed and poor, and that Aubrey is not one of this team’s problems. “Let’s not act like Brandon Aubrey is a problem.”

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• “Fake Jerry Jones” bit is the centerpiece comedy segment. Highlights include:
• Calling Jacoby Brissett “Jabroni Brisket,” then “Jalopy Bracelet” [~00:01:46 / 00:02:56]
• Calling Joe Montana “Joe Wyoming” and the 49ers the “San Francisco Giants” [~00:02:05]
• Referring to Emerson Walls as “Demerson” [~00:02:20]
• Referring to defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer (or whoever is meant) as “Mac Beavergoose” [~00:03:15]
• *”Our secondary is leakier than my adult diaper. And that’s leaky.”* [~00:03:29]
• Suggesting if players are going to get an unsportsmanlike conduct, they should “make it count” — “hump an opponent, pull a gun on them, give them a prostate massage” [~00:04:43–00:04:54]
• On CD Lamb’s hair: *”He looks like someone dumped a bucket of Legos on his head”* [~00:05:07]
• Redirecting upset fans from the football to the “stadium experience”: *”We got $100 nachos. Where else can you brag that you ate $100 nachos?”* and *”We got modern art that looks like Twin Tower wreckage”* [~00:05:59–00:06:14]
• *”Our football program looks like it took Ed Werner’s morning-after pill.”* [~00:06:26] (reference to a Ticket inside joke/character)
• Teasing the Thanksgiving halftime performer: *”An artist who got popular after Karl Malone retired… post-Malone”* [~00:07:07–00:07:12]
• On his wife Gene: *”When you’ve wronged a woman as much as I’ve wronged her, you can’t expect her to be sweet”* [~00:08:11]

• Observation Deck funny moments:
• Gordo riffing on Dak’s pregame interview: *”It was like a verbal St. Valentine’s Day massacre… a Tommy gun strafing the reporter with words”* [~00:03:01–00:03:08]
• Comparing Dak’s pregame sweating to how someone should look *after* a game, not before [~00:03:40]
• The Bob Dole / pinwheel / pixie sticks tangent — Gordo suggested stuffing a dozen pixie sticks in Bob Dole’s injured hand so kids could grab one [~00:05:42–00:06:01]
• The “crook crook” family photo bit — Gordo reveals that he and his siblings used to deliberately bend their hands in family photos for years, driving their mother crazy [~00:06:18–00:06:37]
• *”We are put on this earth to troll others”* [~00:07:20]
• Noting that the Cardinals’ center Hjalte Froholdt is one of only ~5 Danish NFL players ever, with Morten Anderson being the most famous [~00:08:57–00:09:28]
• Craig: “He couldn’t hold a candle to Brandon Aubrey, although Aubrey missed his one attempt last night.” [~00:09:43]

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Fake Jerry Jones: The long-running Gordo character impersonating Cowboys owner/GM Jerry Jones in mock phone interviews. A staple of The Musers. This instance featured Jerry mangling names (Jacoby Brissett → “Jabroni Brisket” / “Jalopy Bracelet”), misremembering football history, complaining about his wife Gene, and casually admitting to drinking heavily.

• “Mac Beavergoose”: Gordo’s garbled nickname for the Cowboys’ defensive coordinator (likely Mike Zimmer), used as a running joke about Jerry Jones not knowing his own coaches’ names.

• Gene Jones: Jerry’s wife is a recurring character/reference in the Fake Jerry bit — here “Jerry” says he’d secretly love for her to stop coming to games so he can drink freely and get rid of the “ugly artwork.”

• Ed Werner reference [~00:06:26]: “Ed Werner’s morning-after pill” — this appears to be a reference to a Ticket personality or inside joke figure, used here as a comedic non-sequitur insult.

• “Observation Deck with Gordo”: Gordo’s regular segment where he delivers observations from recent sports events and pop culture in his signature discursive, comedic style. Sponsored by Tylock George Eye Care.

• P1 Listener Research: A listener named Chris texts/emails in during the Observation Deck with real information about the AT&T Stadium roof mechanism — a common show dynamic where engaged P1s fact-check on the fly [~00:11:02].

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Guests or Interviews

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Summary

This portion of The Musers on November 6, 2025 opens with one of the show’s most beloved recurring comedy bits: Gordo’s “Fake Jerry Jones” phone call. In character as the Cowboys’ owner and GM, Gordo delivers a stream of intentional malapropisms and absurdist commentary in the wake of Dallas’s demoralizing loss to the 2-5 Arizona Cardinals — a defeat made worse by the fact that Kyler Murray didn’t even play. “Jerry” mangles Jacoby Brissett’s name repeatedly (“Jabroni Brisket,” “Jalopy Bracelet”), confuses Joe Montana with “Joe Wyoming,” and refers to the 49ers as the “San Francisco Giants,” all while being corrected by George and Craig. The bit escalates into increasingly unhinged territory, with “Jerry” complaining about his leaky secondary, suggesting players make unsportsmanlike conduct penalties “count” with violent or obscene acts, mocking CeeDee Lamb’s hair, and redirecting fans from the bad football to the stadium amenities — including “$100 nachos” and art that “looks like Twin Tower wreckage.”

The segment transitions into Gordo’s “Observation Deck,” where he continues dissecting the Cowboys’ loss through his signature comedic lens. Standout observations include frustration over the stadium roof being inexplicably closed on a beautiful night, mockery of Dak Prescott’s machine-gun-fast and oddly sweaty pregame interview, and a genuine debate with Craig Miller over whether the Cowboys’ red-white-and-blue helmet stripe should be permanent (Gordo says yes; Craig says no, correctly noting red isn’t a Cowboys color). Gordo also defends kicker Brandon Aubrey after his missed 70-yard attempt, blaming a panicked snap rather than the kicker himself, and goes on a tangent about the Cardinals’ Danish center Hjalte Froholdt and the small history of Danish NFL players, with Morten Anderson as the most famous.

The portion is a strong example of The Musers’ blend of genuine sports analysis and absurdist comedy. While there’s real frustration about the Cowboys’ direction — back-to-back losses, a porous defense, an inconsistent offense, self-inflicted penalties — the show processes it through humor rather than anger. The Fake Jerry bit in particular functions as a pressure-release valve for Cowboys fans, transforming genuine exasperation into laughter. Gordo’s Observation Deck then extends the comedy while weaving in legitimate observations about the team’s issues, the stadium experience, and the random delights of NFL trivia like a Danish offensive lineman with an unpronounceable first name.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

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Segments That Appeared

• Fake Jerry Jones (~6:40 segment): Gordo performs as “Jerry Jones,” called in on the Ticket Hotline to discuss the Cowboys’ loss to the Cardinals. The bit covers the team’s offensive and defensive failures, stadium experience, and personal Jerry Jones lore.
• Observation Deck (full segment): Gordo’s regular observation-based commentary segment, sponsored by Tylock George Eye Care. Covers Cowboys game observations, player notes, trivia, and quirky football questions.
• Observation Deck (teaser/intro): A brief setup segment where Junior previews the upcoming Fake Jerry Jones call and introduces the Observation Deck.

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Observation Deck

• [00:00:15] Gordo criticized the AT&T Stadium roof being closed despite a beautiful night, questioning who controls it and whether it’s one button or a complex system. A P1 listener named Chris texted in that it uses a “custom rack and pinion drive system,” not a single button — though the answer was incomplete.
• Gordo mocked Jacoby Brissett’s pregame quote that “the goal was to score as many points as possible,” calling it empty football talk.
• [00:02:50] Gordo observed that Dak Prescott was speaking extremely fast and sweating heavily in his pregame interview — more than during the actual game.
• [00:03:53] Gordo reiterated his strong preference for the red, white, and blue stripe on the Cowboys helmet to be permanent. Junior disagreed, saying it’s great but should remain a one-game-a-year thing since red isn’t a Cowboys color.
• [00:04:22] Gordo found it odd that Jerry Jones was standing on the field during the national anthem near someone lip-syncing trumpet, alongside George W. Bush and Laura Bush.
• [00:04:57] Gordo raised questions about Jerry Jones’s right arm appearing drawn/contracted, noting it when he shook his hand years ago. Junior joked about Bob Dole comparisons. Gordo clarified Bob Dole’s arm was a war injury, not old age.
• [00:07:26] Gordo noted that Jacoby Brissett has “old man face” when wearing his helmet, and that Arizona’s uniforms look like college uniforms.
• [00:07:55] Gordo said the job he’d least like in the NFL is offensive lineman — constant panic, danger of being rolled up on, and penalized for holding when trying to protect the QB.
• [00:08:51] Gordo highlighted Cardinals center Hjalte Froholdt from Denmark, leading to a discussion of Danish NFL players. Morten Andersen identified as the most famous. Gordo speculated at least two of the five known Danish NFL players were kickers.
• [00:09:43] Brandon Aubrey missed a long field goal attempt (~70 yards) the previous night. Gordo and Junior acknowledged they had over-hyped his ability, but defended Aubrey overall — noting the snap was rushed and poor, and that the Cowboys have far bigger problems.
• In the teaser/intro Observation Deck, Gordo raised two quirky football questions from a prior Twitch stream: (1) Why can’t players reapply eye black on the sidelines after it smears? (2) Why aren’t defenders penalized for helmet-to-helmet contact with their own teammates while making a tackle?

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys lost back-to-back games, most recently to the 2-5 Arizona Cardinals (without Kyler Murray, who was hurt).
• Jacoby Brissett played well as Cardinals backup QB.
• Cowboys’ red zone offense and third-down conversions described as embarrassing.
• Cowboys defense struggled badly against a backup quarterback.
• Jaron Bland had a poor game.
• George Pickens received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for holding the ball out to an opponent.
• Brandon Aubrey missed a long field goal attempt; Cam Little had broken the long FG record two days prior, taking some pressure off.
• Dallas Stars mentioned — an NHL outdoor classic game is scheduled at AT&T Stadium.
• Post Malone announced (via “Jerry”) as the Thanksgiving halftime performer, revealed through a “Karl Malone retired / Post Malone” pun.

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• [00:03:53] Gordo vs. Junior on the Cowboys’ red/white/blue stripe helmet: Gordo wants it permanent (“They are America’s Team”), Junior says it’s great for one game a year but shouldn’t be permanent since red isn’t a Cowboys color.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable One-Liners

• Fake Jerry Jones was the centerpiece comedy bit. Highlights included:
• Calling Jacoby Brissett “Jabroni Brisket,” then “Jalopy Bracelet”
• Calling Jacoby Brissett’s performance “like Joe Wyoming” before being corrected to Joe Montana, then saying Montana was the “San Francisco Giants quarterback”
• Referring to defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer as “Mac Beavergoose”
• “Our secondary is leakier than my adult diaper”
• Suggesting if players are going to get an unsportsmanlike conduct, “make it count — hump an opponent, give them a prostate massage”
• Describing CD Lamb’s hair as looking like “someone dumped a bucket of Legos on his head” or “crayons melted into his hair”
• Telling fans to focus on the “stadium-going experience” rather than the football
• Describing the stadium’s modern art as looking “like Twin Tower wreckage”
• “Our football program looks like it took Ed Werner’s morning after pill”
• Admitting he’d secretly love it if wife Gene stopped coming to games so he could drink freely and sell off the artwork
• “When you’ve wronged a woman as much as I’ve wronged her, you can’t expect her to be sweet”
• The Post Malone/Karl Malone joke
• Gordo’s story about the “crook crook” — he and his siblings would pose with contorted hands in every family photo to troll their mom, who spent weeks waiting for film to come back only to find them all doing it.
• Gordo suggesting Bob Dole should have had a pinwheel stuffed in his bad arm “for the children.”

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Pop Culture, Music, or Non-Sports Topics

• Post Malone revealed (via Fake Jerry Jones) as the Cowboys’ Thanksgiving halftime performer, through the “Karl Malone / Post Malone” wordplay.
• George W. Bush and Laura Bush were in attendance at the Cowboys game.
• Discussion of Bob Dole’s war injury and his habit of holding a pen in his right hand.
• Gordo’s childhood family photo trolling tradition (“the crook crook”).
• Brief reference to a Ticket Twitch stream where Gordo had asked George sports questions.

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Summary

This portion of The Musers opened with the Observation Deck, Gordo’s regular segment of game-night observations following a Cowboys loss to the 2-5 Arizona Cardinals. Gordo covered a wide range of topics: the perpetually closed AT&T Stadium roof (a listener clarified it uses a rack-and-pinion system, not a single button), Dak Prescott’s bizarrely fast and sweaty pregame interview, the Cowboys’ embarrassing red zone and third-down performance, and Brandon Aubrey’s missed long field goal attempt. There was a mild disagreement between Gordo and Junior over whether the Cowboys’ patriotic stripe helmet should be permanent. Gordo also went deep on Danish NFL players after noticing Cardinals center Hjalte Froholdt, landing on Morten Andersen as the most famous example.

The comedic centerpiece of the portion was the Fake Jerry Jones segment, in which Gordo impersonated Jerry Jones calling into the Ticket Hotline. The bit was rich with character work — “Jerry” mangled Jacoby Brissett’s name repeatedly (“Jabroni Brisket,” “Jalopy Bracelet”), called Joe Montana “Joe Wyoming” and the 49ers the “San Francisco Giants,” referred to his defensive coordinator as “Mac Beavergoose,” and lamented that the Cowboys’ secondary was “leakier than my adult diaper.” He pivoted to redirecting fans toward the “stadium-going experience” rather than the football, teased Post Malone as the Thanksgiving halftime act via a Karl Malone pun, and closed with candid admissions about his marriage to Gene Jones, including that he’d secretly love her to stop attending games.

Threaded throughout was the hosts’ genuine frustration with the Cowboys’ back-to-back losses and their amusement at how bad things have gotten. The blend of legitimate football criticism — defensive breakdowns, offensive stagnation, George Pickens’s unsportsmanlike conduct — and absurdist comedy gave the segment its characteristic Musers tone: self-aware, funny, and still sports-first underneath it all.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck (first instance): Gordo delivers game-night observations from the Cowboys’ loss to the Cardinals, covering the closed roof at AT&T Stadium, Dak Prescott’s pregame behavior, Brandon Aubrey’s missed field goal attempt, Danish NFL players, and more. Sponsored by Tylock George Eye Care.
• Observation Deck (second instance): A continuation/second installment of Gordo’s Observation Deck from the same morning. Gordo references a Twitch stream from the previous night with George, raises quirky football rules questions (eye black, helmet-to-helmet hits on teammates), then pivots to bizarre crime stories — a hidden camera pervert in Iowa and a woman who stabbed her husband with a ceramic squirrel.
• Observation Deck (third instance, partial/overlapping): This appears to be a transcript duplication or continuation of the second segment, covering the same content about the Iowa hidden camera story and the ceramic squirrel assault in South Carolina.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys vs. Cardinals loss: Multiple observations about the game, including the closed roof at AT&T Stadium on a beautiful night, Dak Prescott’s rapid-fire and sweaty pregame interview, and the Cowboys’ overall struggles [~00:00:15–00:03:12 in first Observation Deck]
• Brandon Aubrey’s missed 70-yard field goal attempt: Discussion of how the field goal unit was rushed onto the field, the snap was poor, and how the hosts feel partly responsible for hyping Aubrey up. They note Cam Little had already broken the long field goal record two days prior, softening the miss [~00:09:53–00:10:57 in first Observation Deck]
• AT&T Stadium’s retractable roof: Extended discussion about why the roof wasn’t opened on a perfect weather night, how the decision is made, and who controls it. A P1 listener named Chris texted in that it uses a “custom rack and pinion drive system” — not a single button [~00:00:15–00:02:01, with listener info at ~00:11:02]
• Arizona Cardinals uniforms: Gordo and Junior agree the Cardinals’ uniforms look like college uniforms [~00:07:44–00:07:50]
• NFL offensive lineman: Gordo muses on why offensive line is the job he’d least want in the NFL — constant panic, danger of being rolled up on, and penalized for holding when protecting the quarterback [~00:07:55–00:08:31]
• Danish NFL players: Sparked by Arizona center Hjalte Froholdt from Denmark, Gordo lists the small number of Danish NFL players, citing Morton Andersen as the most famous [~00:08:46–00:09:42]
• Eye black functionality: Gordo questions why players can’t reapply eye black on the sidelines and whether it’s functional or purely decorative [~00:00:32–00:01:19 in second Observation Deck]
• Helmet-to-helmet hits on teammates: Gordo raises an original observation — why aren’t players penalized for hitting their own teammates helmet-to-helmet during a tackle? George calls it “a thought I’ve never heard before” [~00:01:25–00:02:35 in second Observation Deck]

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Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

• Gordo (firmly): The red, white, and blue stripe on the Cowboys helmet should be permanent, not just a one-game thing, because they are “America’s Team” [~00:03:53–00:04:13 in first Observation Deck]
• Junior (pushback): Disagrees — says it’s great for one game a year but shouldn’t be permanent since red isn’t one of the Cowboys’ colors [~00:04:00–00:04:09]

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Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

• The roof button debate: Gordo insists the AT&T Stadium roof must be controlled by “one button, like a sunroof,” then jokes they should just “caulk it shut” since it’s never opened. Junior wonders if it’s like “nuclear codes” [~00:00:47–00:01:09 in first Observation Deck]
• Dak’s pregame sweating: Gordo describes Dak’s pregame interview as “a verbal St. Valentine’s Day massacre” and “a Tommy gun strafing the reporter with words,” baffled that Dak sweats more in pregame than during the actual game [~00:02:50–00:03:23]
• The “crook crook” family photo bit: Gordo reveals that he and his siblings used to deliberately pose with crooked hands in every family photo for years, ruining their mother’s photos. She’d pay for professional shots and order triple prints, only to find all three Keith kids doing “the crook.” George’s kids did thumbs up in every photo [~00:06:20–00:07:21]
• Jerry Jones’s arm: Gordo notices Jerry’s right arm appears drawn/crooked and can’t fully extend, sparking a riff about Bob Dole holding a pen — Junior suggests putting a “pinwheel” in Jerry’s hand for the kids, Gordo counters with “a dozen pixie sticks” [~00:04:52–00:06:05]
• Brissett’s “old man face”: Gordo observes that Jacoby Brissett looks like “your uncle out there playing” when wearing his helmet [~00:07:26–00:07:40]
• Iowa porta-potty pervert story: Gordo recounts the story of Tyler Pavlik hiding cameras in porta-potties at outdoor festivals, bewildered that someone would choose that over “professionally made” content online. Leads to a callback to a story from ~20 years ago about a man who literally hid *inside* a porta-potty [~00:03:44–00:06:55 in second Observation Deck]
• Junior’s unsolicited existential observation: Without knowing the full story yet, Junior jumps in with “When his parents brought home their bundle of joy from the hospital — did they envision that 30 years down the road he would climb into a porta-potty, sit in the muck and look up?” — Gordo tells him to hold on, he didn’t know the whole story yet [~00:05:58–00:06:14]
• George refuses to engage: After the porta-potty-hider story, George flatly refuses to comment — “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear it” — which Gordo will not accept, demanding his “official word” [~00:06:42–00:06:54]
• Gordo’s self-aware closer: “We need to celebrate the fact that most of us are not Iowa pervs. Save for the fourth Muser, the three of us are not Iowa pervs.” A jab at an unnamed fourth party [~00:09:47–00:09:58]
• Ceramic squirrel assault: Gordo recounts a South Carolina woman who stabbed her husband with a ceramic squirrel on Christmas because he failed to bring home beer. Junior’s response: “What a way to celebrate the birth of the Savior.” [~00:08:55–00:09:41]

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How the Show Wrapped Up

• The segment ends on a lighter note after the string of bizarre crime stories, with Junior summarizing: “These stories are intended to make you feel better about yourself.” The show teased an upcoming interview with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones about the loss to the Cardinals, scheduled for 6:40 AM (approximately 20 minutes away at the time of the second Observation Deck). Gordo also notes that Monty will be filling in for George (Giorgio) on Friday and is present on the show that morning.

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Final Notable Quotes

• George on Gordo’s sports perspective: *”It’s a thought I’ve never heard before… that’s what makes it good when you watch sports and then have your Gordo observations.”* [~00:02:23–00:02:34]
• Gordo on his approach: *”Because I approach the game as an idiot who knows nothing.”* [~00:02:35–00:02:37]
• Junior on the porta-potty hider: *”When his parents brought home their bundle of joy from the hospital — did they envision that 30 years down the road he would climb into a porta-potty, sit in the muck and look up?”* [~00:05:58–00:06:13]
• Gordo, unprompted: *”Pervs will go to any length to see my breasts. You know that.”* [~00:08:43]
• Junior on the ceramic squirrel stabbing: *”What a way to celebrate the birth of the Savior.”* [~00:09:37]
• Gordo closing the segment: *”Save for the fourth Muser, the three of us are not Iowa pervs.”* [~00:09:54]

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of The Musers on November 6, 2025 consists of multiple installments of Gordo’s Observation Deck segment, all reacting to the Cowboys’ loss to the Arizona Cardinals the night before. Gordo opens with a characteristically offbeat collection of game observations: frustration that the AT&T Stadium roof was kept closed on a beautiful Dallas night, bewilderment at Dak Prescott’s machine-gun pregame interview cadence and excessive sweating, advocacy for making the Cowboys’ red-white-and-blue stripe helmet permanent, curiosity about Jerry Jones’s visibly limited right arm, and appreciation for Arizona’s Danish center Hjalte Froholdt — which sends Gordo down a rabbit hole listing the handful of Danish NFL players in history, with Morton Andersen being the most notable. The hosts also address Brandon Aubrey’s missed 70-yard field goal attempt, offering grace by noting the snap was rushed and poor, and that Cam Little had already broken the long-range record two days earlier anyway.

The second Observation Deck installment dials up the absurdism. Gordo references a Twitch stream he did the previous night with George, where he peppered him with quirky football questions — including why eye black can’t be reapplied on the sidelines, and his original observation that players should be penalized for hitting their own teammates helmet-to-helmet, since teammate safety should matter as much as opponent safety. George diplomatically praises the fresh perspective. Gordo then pivots to bizarre crime stories: a 32-year-old Iowa man named Tyler Pavlik who planted hidden cameras in porta-potties at outdoor festivals, and a callback to an old Ticket story about a man who literally climbed *inside* a porta-potty to look up. Junior delivers one of the segment’s biggest laughs by speculating, unprompted, whether the man’s parents imagined that fate for their newborn. George stonewalls all attempts to get him to officially comment.

The segment wraps with Gordo adding a South Carolina story about a woman who stabbed her husband with a ceramic squirrel on Christmas night because he came home without beer — prompting Junior’s line, “What a way to celebrate the birth of the Savior.” Gordo frames all the strange crime stories as therapy: “These stories are intended to make you feel better about yourself.” He closes with a cryptic jab — “Save for the fourth Muser, the three of us are not Iowa pervs” — before teasing the upcoming segment: a live interview with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones about the loss to the Cardinals, coming at 6:40 AM.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.