The Musers — 2026-04-01

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Wednesday, April 1, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Officer Foster
• Observation Deck
• Craigs Book Club The Musers 3242026
• Quad Amp The Musers 3242026
• Observation Deck The Musers 3242026
• Fake Jason Kidd The Musers 3232026
• Jub Goes to Broadway The Musers 3232026
• Observation Deck The Musers 3232026

---

🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Analysis of The Musers — 2026-04-01 (Portion)

—

Segments That Appeared

• Officer Foster — A recurring Gordo character bit in which “Officer Mike Foster,” the self-appointed security chief of the April Fool’s Open golf event at Prairie Lakes Golf Course in Grand Prairie, lays down absurdly over-the-top rules for golfers and gallery members. Rules include no painkillers (with a lengthy list of banned opioids), no nudity, a “fairway sobriety test,” and threats of deportation, tasering, and a drug-sniffing German shepherd named “Loose Ranger.”

• Observation Deck — Gordo’s regular Wednesday segment, this time focused on the history and origins of April Fool’s Day. The hosts discussed possible French and English medieval origins, the French “Poisson d’Avril” (April Fish) tradition, pranks they’ve pulled over the years, and a famous past on-air Muser April Fool’s meta-prank.

• Craig’s Book Club — Craig (Junior) reviews his April Book of the Month: *The Gales of November: The Untold Story of the Edmund Fitzgerald* by John Bacon. He plays the Gordon Lightfoot song, discusses the book’s background on each of the 29 men who died, the history of the Great Lakes shipping industry, and the behind-the-scenes story of how the famous song was recorded.

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• [Officer Foster segment] — The entire Officer Foster bit is a Gordo character performance. Highlights include:
• A full recitation of banned opioids ending with “gentle opium tincture — they’re all right out”
• Threatening to have his German shepherd “Loose Ranger” bite offenders in the “nutsack” and only release on a foreign command
• Claiming authority (via former Grand Prairie police chief Steve Dye) to “revoke your U.S. citizenship”
• Warning that prison will cost you “your dignity and your backside virginity”
• “You can come out there with a mason jar of cherry wine, palm wine, elderberry wine, bathtub gin, moonshine — but drink it responsibly.”

• [Observation Deck] — Gordo casually describes an April Fool’s “prank” on his grandmother involving hitting her over the head with a baseball bat and yelling “April Fool’s,” then deadpanning: *”She loved the fact that I was such a prankster though… After she came to, she said, ‘Was it another prank? Am I in the hospital again?'”*

• [Observation Deck] — Gordo declares: *”I think Chaucer is a historian plant. Like I think they made him up and stuck him in history books. Geoffrey Chaucer sounds like a very fake name.”*

• [Observation Deck] — Gordo’s logic on April Fool’s immunity: *”You can stab your best friend and you have complete immunity about assault under the great April… It’s never been about assault laws on our books.”*

• [Observation Deck] — Gordo reminiscing about licking the metal top of pudding cups as a kid: *”Half the time I’d slice off the tail end of my tongue. Why they put kids’ food in something that was a tongue guillotine, I have no idea.”*

• [Observation Deck] — On Vienna sausages: *”What tree do those grow on? They don’t seem natural to me.”*

—

Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Officer Foster — A clearly recurring Gordo character introduced specifically for the April Fool’s Open golf event, referencing “Prairie Lakes” and the annual tournament. The character parodies an overzealous, threats-prone law enforcement officer.

• April Fool’s Open — The Musers’ annual charity/listener golf event, referenced as being in its 17th year, held at Prairie Lakes Golf Course in Grand Prairie.

• The Musers’ past April Fool’s meta-prank — The hosts recall a bit from early in the show’s history where they vaguely referenced something “happening” at 5:35 AM, got callers to play along referencing it cryptically all day, and then at the end of the show played “the tape” — which was just the original setup of the prank itself. Described as “very meta and Inception-like” and credited as “the Laddie’s idea.” [~00:07:55–00:09:13, Observation Deck]

• The Musers’ first show — George mentions the show launched on a Friday, they were on remote at Big Billy Barrett, and Gil Brandt told George on a North Texas trip plane: *”Boy, they’ll put anybody in morning drive, I guess.”* Also references Skip (likely Skip Bayless) leaving and taking shots at program director Mike Thompson. [~00:09:09–00:10:48, Observation Deck]

• Craig’s Book Club — An ongoing segment where Craig reviews books he’s reading; he notes he still has February and March books to review.

• Bob Sturm (The Hardline) — Referenced as the one who recommended *The Gales of November* to Craig.

• P1s — The Ticket’s term for their loyal listeners, referenced multiple times.

—

Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• [Observation Deck] — George expresses a firm position against pranking the P1 listeners on April Fool’s Day: *”We’ve built up 32 years of trust with them. I’m not going to—”* Gordo agrees, saying pranks bother him more now than when he was young because *”you’re basically abusing the trust of someone.”* [~00:10:52–00:11:14]

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with a classic Gordo character bit — Officer Mike Foster, the self-described security chief of the 17th Annual April Fool’s Open golf event at Prairie Lakes in Grand Prairie. The bit is an escalating series of absurd threats directed at golfers and gallery members (called P1s), covering everything from a banned list of opioids to nudity prohibitions to warnings about losing one’s “backside virginity” in prison. The character is played completely straight and over-the-top, with the other hosts reacting in mock horror and disbelief throughout.

The Observation Deck segment finds Gordo leading a loose, rambling discussion about the murky origins of April Fool’s Day — touching on possible French and medieval English roots, the “Poisson d’Avril” fish-pinning tradition, and classic pranks. The segment drifts into fond and funny reminiscing, including Gordo’s deadpan story about hitting his grandmother with a baseball bat as a childhood “prank,” his theory that Geoffrey Chaucer was a historical fiction, and the hosts recalling a beloved meta-prank from early in the show’s history where they teased a fake incident all day and played “the tape” at the end — which turned out to be the prank setup itself. George also shares a memory of Gil Brandt insulting him on a plane on the day of the Musers’ very first show.

The segment labeled Craig’s Book Club features Craig (Junior) reviewing *The Gales of November: The Untold Story of the Edmund Fitzgerald* by John Bacon, his April Book of the Month. After playing the iconic Gordon Lightfoot song, Craig enthusiastically details the book’s structure — the first 240 pages profile all 29 men who died in the November 1975 shipwreck before the actual disaster unfolds — and shares fascinating backstory about how Lightfoot almost never released the song, and how the version that hit #2 on the Billboard charts was the very first take the band ever played together. Craig also highlights the book’s deep dive into Great Lakes history, the iron ore shipping industry, and the post-WWII boom of cities like Detroit and Toledo. He strongly recommends the book and credits Bob Sturm of The Hardline for the suggestion.

---

⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

—

Segments That Appeared

• Craig’s Book Club — Craig (Junior) reviews his April book of the month, *The Gales of November: The Untold Story of the Edmund Fitzgerald* by John Bacon. He gives an extended, enthusiastic summary of the book, covering the ship’s history, the fateful final voyage in November 1975, the crew’s personal stories, the storm on Lake Superior, theories about how the ship sank, and the aftermath including Gordon Lightfoot’s famous song. He also mentions he is now on Goodreads at Bob Sturm’s urging.
• Quad Amp — The hosts discuss a news story about a quadruple amputee cornhole player named Dayton Weber who was arrested for allegedly shooting and killing a man during an argument while driving. The segment plays mostly for dark absurdist humor around the implausibility of the details.
• Observation Deck with Gordo — Gordo reflects on the death of actress Valerie Perrine, connecting it to the “Superman curse,” and goes deep into the fates of the original *Superman* (1978) cast members. Sponsored by Tlaloc Nasser Vision and Generator Supercenter.
• Fake Jason Kidd — A Gordo bit in which a fake “Jason Kidd” calls in on his 53rd birthday and takes every idiom and figure of speech completely literally, leading to absurdist exchanges about teeth, trips around the sun, and Christmas-themed spankings.

—

Observation Deck

• Gordo opens by reminiscing about watching the 1978 *Superman* film with Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman repeatedly as a kid, including rigging two VCRs to replace the soundtrack with his own voices. [~00:00:06]
• He announces the death of Valerie Perrine (Miss Tessmacher in *Superman*) at age 82, after 15 years battling Parkinson’s disease that depleted her finances. A GoFundMe was set up to fulfill her dying wish of being buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery. [~00:02:00]
• Gordo recounts Perrine’s career highlights: started as a Vegas showgirl, debuted in *Slaughterhouse-Five*, received an Oscar nomination for *Lenny* (playing Lenny Bruce’s wife opposite Dustin Hoffman), appeared in *The Electric Horseman*, and starred in the Razzie-winning *Can’t Stop the Music* (1980) alongside Caitlyn Jenner, Steve Guttenberg, and the Village People — a film she said ruined her career and caused her to move to Europe. [~00:03:30]
• Gordo reveals Perrine dated Jay Sebring, one of the victims of the Manson family murders at Sharon Tate’s house in 1969, and that Sebring had invited Perrine to dinner that night — she did not go. [~00:05:10–00:06:13]
• The segment pivots to the Superman curse: Gene Hackman’s mysterious death at 95 (found in his laundry room with Oakleys on the back of his head); Christopher Reeve’s 1995 equestrian accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down, and the famous story of Robin Williams showing up in a Russian doctor disguise to make Reeve laugh in the ICU, which Gordo credits with giving Reeve the will to live. Reeve died approximately nine years after the accident. [~00:06:44–00:10:46]
• Gordo also covers Margo Kidder (Lois Lane): her six-day marriage to John Heard, her romantic link to Pierre Trudeau, her 1990 car crash that partially paralyzed her, her 1996 manic episode in which she was found in a stranger’s flower bed in Los Angeles with her teeth knocked out, reportedly triggered by losing three years of her autobiography draft to a computer virus. Kidder died in 2018. [~00:11:10–00:14:21]
• Gordo notes that all 13 actors listed on the *Superman* Wikipedia page have now passed away, calling it evidence of the ongoing curse. George pushes back, saying the movie is nearly 50 years old and people simply die. [~00:14:27–00:15:06]

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• When Gordo accidentally says “Gene Hackett,” George corrects him and Gordo quips: *”Gene Hackett — that’s the love child of Gene Hackman and Buddy Hackett.”* [Observation Deck, ~00:01:01]
• During the Quad Amp story, after speculating on how the amputee could drive, someone jokes: *”Maybe he’s able to drive using a series of eye blinks… like Steven Hawking… you can operate a LeSabre like that.”* [~00:03:43]
• On the cornhole player: *”When the quad amp comes along in the Buick LeSabre telling you to get in — catch the next ride.”* [~00:02:20]
• George’s shoulders visibly quiver (silently) as Gordo reads the headline about the quadruple amputee cornhole player/shooter. Gordo calls him out: *”Why is George’s shoulders quivering right now?”* George: *”It’s not audible.”* [~00:00:18]
• The Fake Jason Kidd bit is a sustained Gordo character piece in which “Kidd” takes every phrase with absurd literalism — denying he has made “a trip around the sun,” insisting his teeth are “regular size,” and describing a calendar full of Christmas-themed spankings including a “Rudolph spanking at four o’clock” and a “Yuletide spanking tonight at seven” from “Roy Topley’s cousin’s wife.” [Fake Jason Kidd segment throughout]
• Gordo on Margo Kidder during her manic episode: *”She said that during that episode she was trying to invent a new religion for women.”* [~00:14:04]
• Someone drops a quick *”Bitch, Tessmacher!”* impression in Gene Hackman’s voice during the Observation Deck. [~00:06:33]

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• The Dallas Mavericks are referenced in the Fake Jason Kidd bit, with the “Kidd” character acknowledging the team is tanking, mentioning Cooper Flagg (“we were lucky to get him in the draft”) and making a reference to Luka Dončić being “run out of here.” This is played for comedy rather than serious analysis. [Fake Jason Kidd, ~00:03:44–00:04:01]

—

Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• Craig’s Book Club is entirely devoted to the Edmund Fitzgerald disaster and Gordon Lightfoot’s 1976 song “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” Craig says he listened to the song 20 times after finishing the book and now hears it completely differently. He notes the song has no chorus, runs six and a half minutes, and Lightfoot himself was surprised it became a hit. [Book Club segment throughout]
• The history of Toledo, Ohio as a thriving Great Lakes shipping hub in the 1950s, with opera, museums, and restaurants, before its decline. [~00:08:50]
• The Soo Locks and Great Lakes shipping routes are explained in detail. [~00:09:30]
• Freshwater vs. saltwater wave physics — Craig/the book notes that Great Lakes waves can be larger and less predictable than ocean waves because freshwater lacks the weight of salt. [~00:10:46]
• Valerie Perrine, the 1978 *Superman* film, the Manson murders, Gordon Lightfoot, Christopher Reeve, Robin Williams, Margo Kidder, Pierre Trudeau, and the film *Can’t Stop the Music* are all discussed in the Observation Deck. [Throughout Observation Deck]
• Craig mentions joining Goodreads at the urging of Bob Sturm. [~00:18:32]

—

Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with Craig’s Book Club, in which Craig delivers an extensive and clearly heartfelt review of *The Gales of November* by John Bacon, about the 1975 sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald on Lake Superior. Craig walks through the ship’s celebrated history, the personal stories of its 29 doomed crew members, the decision-making failures in the final hours, and the theories about what caused the sinking. He ties it all to Gordon Lightfoot’s famous song, which he says he now fully understands and has been listening to on repeat. It is one of the more earnest and detailed book discussions the segment has produced.

The show then shifts into darker and more comedic territory with the “Quad Amp” story — a news item about a nationally ranked quadruple amputee cornhole player arrested for allegedly shooting and killing a man while driving. The hosts can barely contain themselves at the sheer implausibility of the details, riffing on how the man could drive and shoot with nubs, with speculation about eye-blink car controls, LeSabres, and pit bulls. The humor is irreverent but stops short of mocking the victim, and the hosts acknowledge at the end that the inspirational story is effectively “over now.”

Gordo’s Observation Deck is a rich, sprawling tribute to Valerie Perrine, spinning outward from her death into the full history of the “Superman curse” — covering the Manson family’s near-miss with Perrine, Gene Hackman’s mysterious death, Christopher Reeve’s equestrian accident and Robin Williams’ ICU visit, and Margo Kidder’s manic episode in a Los Angeles flower bed. The segment is classic Gordo: morbid, deeply researched, genuinely moving in spots, and punctuated with absurdist asides. The portion closes with the Fake Jason Kidd birthday call, a pure comedy bit in which Gordo’s character treats every idiom as literal fact and somehow ends up discussing a Christmas-themed spanking schedule while the hosts struggle to keep the interview on track.

---

🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Segments in This Portion

• Fake Jason Kidd (partial, closing moments only): The segment wraps up with a comedic bit featuring someone impersonating Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks coach). The fake Kidd complains about being bumped from a Neil Diamond tribute event by “some AM radio guy,” referencing the same Sweet Caroline performance George had just done. Ends with George and Junior wishing “Kidd” a happy birthday.

• Jub Goes to Broadway: George recounts attending the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the Neil Diamond musical, at Music Hall at Fair Park. He was invited onstage by star Nick Fradiani (American Idol winner) to sing “Sweet Caroline” in front of a sold-out crowd. George reflects warmly on Neil Diamond’s legacy, the quality of the production, and the emotional experience of watching it.

• Observation Deck (Gordo’s segment): Gordo reports on what he did during spring break — which was essentially nothing involving travel. Highlights include attempting to befriend crows in his backyard with peanuts, and discovering a box of early Ticket audio recordings spanning multiple obsolete formats. The segment closes with a “death watch” rundown of notable passings during the break, culminating in the death of Chuck Norris.

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• Jason Kidd’s birthday mentioned in the fake Kidd bit (framed humorously, not analytically)
• Matt Snell, former New York Jets running back, noted in the death watch as passing away March 10th at age 84
• Gary Wagner, former Red Sox and Phillies player, noted as passing at age 85
• Chuck Norris’s martial arts career and world championship briefly discussed
• A reference to a past Hardline discussion about whether Davey could beat up an 86-year-old Chuck Norris

—

Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

• [00:02:03] Observation Deck: Gordo deadpans that his most interesting spring break activity was trying to “make friends with crows” by buying a 60-pound bag of unsalted shelled peanuts — “trying to get on their good side where they don’t plot against me.” George quips: *”Going out in the back during your downtime and feeding the crows is something I pictured you doing in your 80s, not your 70s.”*

• [00:03:44] Observation Deck: Gordo reveals his rediscovered box of early Ticket audio on every obsolete format — reel-to-reel, DAT, mini-disc, CDs, and cassettes. He teases releasing it like “a time-release capsule… like the Epstein files,” with “cultural redactions.” He also describes an unreleased prank call of himself doing a “cussing Jerry Jones” impression so vulgar he concludes: *”I will never get in heaven.”*

• [00:04:31] Observation Deck: Gordo recalls that Skip Bayless would end every bit on his early morning show by playing a cuckoo clock sound — *”like it’s so wacky what’s happening here.”*

• [00:16:32] Observation Deck: The crew plays a classic audio drop of former colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling Chuck Norris “Walker, Texas Rayleigh” (confusing him with a local pastor on trial for strangling his wife) during a live Mavericks sideline interview. George calls it *”the most wheels-off intro of a guest on live television.”*

• [00:12:07] Fake Jason Kidd closing: Fake Kidd misunderstands George’s birthday wish about blowing out candles and goes on a tangent about Make-A-Wish and *”the ghost of Kevin James coming to hand me a new stump of a leg.”*

—

Phone Callers

No phone callers appeared in this portion.

—

How the Show Wrapped Up

The Observation Deck segment — and the show’s final portion — closed with the “Walker, Texas Rayleigh” audio drop played as a tribute to the late Chuck Norris, followed by the crew laughing and riffing on Chris Arnold’s infamous gaffe. George thanks Gordo and the segment ends there, with no explicit preview of upcoming content.

—

Notable Quotes

• Gordo [00:02:16]: *”I want to get on their good side where they don’t plot against me.”* (on feeding crows)
• Gordo [00:04:21–00:05:00]: *”I will release this audio after a few cultural redactions need to take place… I have heard audio that suggests I will never get in heaven.”*
• George [00:13:47]: *”He decides where he is, and then the world complies to that.”* (Chuck Norris GPS joke)
• Fake Jason Kidd [00:04:07–00:04:12]: *”Some AM radio guy knocked me out of the celebrity spot.”*
• Gordo [00:10:40]: *”He died of a non-cyst. That’s his official cause of death.”* (riffing on Phil Campbell’s “complex operation”)

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the show opens with the tail end of the Fake Jason Kidd bit, in which an impersonator playing the Mavericks coach — apparently celebrating a birthday — grows irritated that “some AM radio guy” bumped him from a Neil Diamond tribute event, a joke that directly sets up the following segment. The Jub Goes to Broadway segment has George enthusiastically recounting his Sunday afternoon at the final Dallas performance of *A Beautiful Noise*, the Neil Diamond musical at Music Hall at Fair Park. George describes being moved to tears by the production, praises star Nick Fradiani’s vocal likeness to Diamond, and recounts his own nerve-wracking cameo onstage singing “Sweet Caroline” — mic only partially hot — while surrounded by professional Broadway performers. Both George and Junior reflect warmly on Neil Diamond’s legacy as a songwriter across six decades, with George noting the experience reinspired his own writing.

The Observation Deck segment features Gordo doing what he does best: turning domestic inertia into absurdist comedy. He freely admits he never left Dallas County during spring break, describing his attempt to befriend backyard crows with bulk peanuts as a highlight. The bigger revelation is his rediscovery of a box of early Ticket audio on every obsolete format imaginable — reel-to-reel, DAT, mini-disc, cassettes — including unreleased prank calls so crude he jokes he’s now guaranteed a spot in hell. He teases releasing the archive in installments, prompting George to dismiss the much-hyped “Rolling Stones Returns” audio as vastly overrated, while Gordo insists it is a historic recording.

The segment closes with Gordo’s “death watch” — a rundown of notable passings during the break — culminating in the death of Chuck Norris at 86. The crew trades Chuck Norris memes, recalls his appearances in The Ticket studio, and debates whether he could still have beaten someone up near the end. The show closes on a high comedic note with the playback of a classic audio clip: former colleague Chris Arnold accidentally calling Chuck Norris “Walker, Texas Rayleigh” — confusing him live on Mavericks TV with a local pastor on trial for murder — which George dubs *”the most wheels-off intro of a guest on live television,”* sending the show out on a laugh.

---

Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.