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The Musers — 2026-04-16

ByChris

Rich the Intern The Musers 4102026

Schwag Barker

E-Brake The Musers 4102026

Observation Deck

Observation Deck The Musers 4102026

Observation Deck

Schwag Barker

Jesse the Usher The Musers 492026

Observation Deck The Musers 492026

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Thursday, April 16, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

  • Rich the Intern The Musers 4102026
  • Schwag Barker
  • E-Brake The Musers 4102026
  • Observation Deck
  • Observation Deck The Musers 4102026
  • Observation Deck
  • Schwag Barker
  • Jesse the Usher The Musers 492026
  • Observation Deck The Musers 492026

🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers from April 10, 2026:

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Segments in This Portion

  • Rich the Intern (~00:00:00–00:10:00): Gordo plays old archival audio from the show’s past. The first clip features “Rich the Annoying Intern,” who was sent into the street to ask passersby a list of deliberately nonsensical questions (e.g., “Are you half Ben today?” and “Where’d you get those pea shawls?”). The second clip is from around January 29, 2002 — Super Bowl week in New Orleans — in which Craig (Junior) interviews “Nick Deep Talker Nick Skinlonan,” an early appearance of one of the show’s recurring fictional characters. The hosts then discuss the show’s archive tape, the history of the Skinlonan brothers bit, and Gordo’s brief stint on Skip Bayless’s show.
  • Schwag Barker (~00:00:00–00:06:18): A comedy bit in which the hosts call up “Swag Barker,” a fictional new Promotions Director at Cumulus who works down the hall. Prompted by a real news item about KSCS finding a 20-year-old Taylor Swift autographed guitar in the prize closet (being auctioned for Cook Children’s charity), Swag inventories a long list of absurd items allegedly also found in the closet — signed instruments, sports memorabilia, and stranger items — all delivered in a deadpan comic style.
  • E-Brake (~00:00:00–00:10:55): The weekly Emergency Brake of the Week segment, sponsored by Advanced Hair Restoration. Three candidates from other Ticket shows are presented for listener votes via phone. Candidates are Corby (repeating a live ad read verbatim right after his partner said it), Dave (mispronouncing “dyslexia” as “dickslexia” on air), and Lando (burping/clearing his throat mid-Easter history bit, ruining his own joke). Callers vote for the winner.

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E-Brake Segment

  • Candidate 1 — Corby Davidson (~00:01:44–00:04:54): During a live American Airlines/AT&T ad read on The Hard Line, Dave Lane makes the point about free Wi-Fi for Advantage members. Just 14 seconds later, Corby repeats the exact same information nearly word for word, leading to an awkward correction from Dave (“I just said that”). Corby then goes further off-script, ad-libbing that rewards are available “whether you’re a human or a business” and later “whether you’re a human or a bear.”
  • Candidate 2 — Dave Lane (~00:04:54–00:06:55): Also from The Hard Line, Dave attempts to explain a “Strictly Come Dancing” news story (a star cleared of rape charges). He comments that he may have a nervous tic, tries to say “dyslexia,” and instead blurts out “dick’s lexical,” prompting a loud reaction from his co-hosts.
  • Candidate 3 — Lando (~00:06:55–00:08:26): From a weekend show on WIP (a Philadelphia station), Lando winds up for an Easter history bit — “Jesus and his 12 friends met in an olive garden” — but ruins it himself by burping/clearing his throat loudly mid-sentence before he can deliver the punchline.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

  • [Rich the Intern segment, ~00:01:48–00:02:09]: Rich asks street strangers questions like “Are you half Ben today?”, “What’s the difference between George Washington?”, “Name Dean Palmer and Bob Browning and where’s your pants putty?”, and “Where’d you get those pea shawls?” — baffling every respondent.
  • [~00:03:44–00:08:00]: The early “Nick Deep Talker Nick Skinlonan” clip from 2002 Super Bowl Media Day is played. The voice Gordo used for the character is notably different — smoother and lower — prompting comparison to “12 packs a day.” Craig/Junior (George) notes he “wouldn’t have done that.”
  • [~00:08:01–00:08:18]: George admits he merely “tolerates” the Skinlonan brothers bit, while Gordo says it’s the character that makes him laugh most. Junior says he does it for his partners’ happiness.
  • [Schwag Barker segment, ~00:01:00–00:01:11]: Swag claims that when he arrived at the station, he was warned “Craig doesn’t like being spoken to and George will get downright violent if you make eye contact” — and that the first time he said hi to George in the hall, George “held a scuba knife to my throat and threatened to gas my dog.”
  • [~00:01:24–00:02:01]: Swag claims he knows Bob Sturm from a fan group for an “OnlyFans model who specialized in erotic biblical content,” and that Bob’s handle was “Crazy for Sex Stuff Bob Sturm.”
  • [~00:03:00–00:05:10]: Swag lists increasingly absurd prize closet items: a George Jones-signed autoharp, a 47-piece Chris Stapleton-signed drum kit, an “LL Langley-signed Buick,” a Casey Musgraves-soiled seat cushion from the Michelle and Hawkeye show (removed by hazmat), a Maren Morris-signed Honus Wagner card, a Babe Ruth 1927 bat signed by Lainey Wilson (her “favorite season of Babe’s career”), and a miniature Martin guitar signed by “Baby Jessica.”
  • [~00:04:43–00:04:56]: The hosts note that a Maren Morris signature on a Honus Wagner card “probably killed the value,” and Gordo echoes the same sentiment about Lainey Wilson signing the Babe Ruth bat.
  • [E-Brake segment, ~00:03:57–00:04:00]: Corby’s ad read begins with “Yep, you’re damned to the damn right,” which the hosts mock as obvious dead-air filler.
  • [~00:05:29–00:06:42]: Dave’s “dickslexia” moment — trying to say “dyslexia,” landing on “dick’s lexical” — is replayed and met with howls. One caller votes for Dave “in honor of my favorite supergroup, the Dixie Chicks.”
  • [~00:08:34–00:08:39]: A caller attempts to vote, says “Hey, humans,” and is immediately identified by the hosts as a robot (a callback to Corby’s ad read: “Not a robot, though. We don’t want those on board our airlines.”).

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Phone Callers (E-Brake Voting)

  • [~00:08:39] — Unnamed caller votes for Dave and his “dickslexia,” citing the Dixie Chicks.
  • [~00:08:51] — Unnamed caller says “I want Lando to be gay,” identified by George as the fake caller voice from the “Heated Rivalry” documentary, recorded by Corby.
  • [~00:09:26–00:09:29] — “MusersRV” votes for Corby.
  • [~00:09:34–00:09:39] — A caller says “Hey, humans,” immediately identified as a robot; voted off.
  • [~00:09:42–00:09:49] — Unnamed caller asks what the choices are and is dismissed.
  • [~00:09:53–00:10:01] — “Mountain Lion Matt” votes for Corby (“the damned to the damn damn damn”).
  • [~00:10:06–00:10:30] — Unnamed caller gives a heartfelt compliment (“you’ve gotten me through some very hard times”) then votes for Corby. The hosts call it a “perfect call.”
  • [~00:10:42–00:10:55] — “Sports Karma” calls in, references keeping “Georges out,” loses his train of thought, and hangs up.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

  • Nick Skinlonan / Nick Deep Talker — A long-running Gordo character, a fictional former NFL deep snapper with an inexplicably deep, gravelly voice. An early 2002 archival tape of the character is played. George (Craig) reveals he has always merely tolerated the bit, while Gordo calls it one of his all-time favorites.
  • The Skinlonan Brothers — Referenced as a broader recurring bit family connected to Nick Deep Talker/Nick Skinlonan.
  • Skip Bayless — Gordo recalls having a brief stint (approximately one month) on Skip’s show and being ejected early from a bit. Teased as potential future archive audio.
  • Ribby — Mentioned as another long-running Ticket bit Gordo created shortly after his time on Bayless’s show; he jokes the original version likely ran 15 minutes with no planned ending.
  • Rich the (Annoying) Intern — Archival bit in which the show’s intern was sent to do man-on-the-street interviews with nonsensical questions. Also referenced: sending Rich to prank call Norm Hitzges on air, resulting in Norm yelling at him.
  • Heated Rivalry — A documentary (apparently about the Nash/Dirk Mavs era) referenced twice: once when Swag mentions finding a recreation of the “Heated Rivalry poster” in the prize closet, and again during E-Brake voting when a fake caller voice is identified as one Corby forced George to record for the show.
  • Baby Jessica — The famous 1987 child rescued from a well in Midland, Texas, referenced as having signed a miniature guitar found in the prize closet.
  • “Damned to the damn right” — Corby’s ad-lib filler phrase from the E-Brake clip, mocked repeatedly and used by a caller as the basis of his vote.

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the April 10, 2026 Musers opens with Gordo’s deep dive into the show’s audio archives, playing two old clips. The first features “Rich the Annoying Intern,” who was dispatched onto the street with a list of deliberately incoherent questions — “Are you half Ben today?” and “Where’d you get those pea shawls?” among them — to the complete bafflement of passersby. The second clip, dated to January 2002 during Super Bowl week in New Orleans, is a historically significant early appearance of Gordo’s fictional character “Nick Deep Talker Nick Skinlonan,” performed in a notably smoother, lower voice than later iterations. The clip prompts a meta-discussion about the Skinlonan Brothers bit, with Gordo declaring it among his all-time favorites while George/Craig good-naturedly admits he merely “tolerates” them — a divide the hosts call one of the show’s great internal fault lines.

The Schwag Barker segment is a comedy phone bit built around a real news item: KSCS found a 20-year-old Taylor Swift autographed guitar in the Cumulus prize closet, now being auctioned for Cook Children’s charity in Fort Worth. The fictional “Swag Barker,” newly promoted Promotions Director (not assistant, as he pointedly corrects), calls in to inventory a litany of increasingly absurd additional items found in the closet — a Casey Musgraves-soiled seat cushion, a Maren Morris-signed Honus Wagner card, a Babe Ruth 1927 bat signed by Lainey Wilson (her “favorite Babe season”), and a miniature guitar signed by Baby Jessica — all delivered deadpan and punctuated by the hosts’ skeptical reactions and jokes about how celebrity signatures tend to destroy rather than enhance the value of rare memorabilia.

The E-Brake closes the portion with three candidates from other Ticket shows: Corby Davidson repeating a live American Airlines ad read verbatim 14 seconds after his partner said the same thing (and then offering rewards “whether you’re a human or a bear”); Dave Lane mangling “dyslexia” into “dick’s lexical” on The Hard Line; and Lando on WIP, who burps loudly mid-Easter history lesson and ruins his own “Jesus and his 12 friends met in an Olive Garden” joke before delivering the punchline. Callers vote via phone in rapid succession, with Corby and Dave drawing the most support. Highlights include a caller invoking the Dixie Chicks to vote for “dickslexia,” a robot caller immediately identified from Corby’s own ad-read, and a genuinely warm call from a long-time listener who thanks the hosts for getting him through hard times before casting his vote for Corby.

⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Analysis of This Portion of The Musers (2026-04-16)

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Segments That Appeared

  • E-Brake of the Week Conclusion (opening clip): The tail end of the E-Brake of the Week voting segment, in which callers vote on who had the worst/most embarrassing sports take. Corby Davidson wins, earning his 97th E-Brake victory — described as “three e-brakes away from a milestone.” Also includes an American Airlines ad read by Corby and Dave that George lampoons as sounding like “two guys talking at a bar.”
  • Observation Deck with Gordo (first full segment): Gordo discusses the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2026, going through inductees and debating their merits with the crew.
  • Observation Deck / The Musers 4-10-2026 (second full segment): Gordo references a Hardline Twitch/rant revival event, then the discussion pivots to a long, running debate about whether Gordo is a “sports jinx” or “sports wizard,” with the crew trading historical examples for and against.

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Observation Deck Segments

First Observation Deck:

  • Gordo opens with a raspy/altered voice, and the crew jokes that his voice is going to permanently stick that way someday
  • Gordo poses a hypothetical: would you switch to that voice for a million dollars? The crew firmly declines
  • Main topic: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2026
  • Phil Collins — already in for Genesis (inducted 2010); this induction is as a solo artist. Crew agrees he belongs. Discussion of his unlikely superstardom in the MTV era given his looks and nasally voice. Gordo highlights the famous gated snare drum sound and its recording history
  • Billy Idol — second nomination, gets in. Mild debate about his catalog. Songs mentioned: “White Wedding,” “Dancing with Myself,” “Rebel Yell,” “Eyes Without a Face,” “Flesh for Fantasy,” “Hot in the City,” “Catch My Fall,” “Rock the Cradle of Love.” George notes “Rebel Yell” was a great timeout song at Mavs games in the 80s. General mild approval with some skepticism about catalog depth. Mention of a Billy Idol documentary (“I Should Be Dead or something like that”)
  • Iron Maiden — third nomination, gets in. Craig jokingly can’t name a song and answers “White Wedding.” Someone confuses Iron Man (Black Sabbath) with Iron Maiden
  • Joy Division / New Order — noted as confusing because they get in under two band names. Discussion of Joy Division singer Ian Curtis’s death (handled with some awkward algorithm-dodging humor). Crew notes New Order moved into electronic music after
  • Oasis — crew largely unfamiliar or indifferent. George says he “missed the whole Oasis thing.” Gordo sings a bit of “Wonderwall.” They note the Gallagher brothers hate each other
  • Sade — approved enthusiastically
  • Luther Vandross — praised: “What a voice”
  • Wu-Tang Clan — brief debate about whether hip-hop belongs in the Rock Hall; crew agrees the definition has expanded
  • Early Influence Award: Celia Cruz, Fela Kuti, Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Gram Parsons (noted as connected to The Byrds; Gordo incorrectly says he’s Alan Parsons’ father)
  • Musical Excellence Award: Linda Creed, Rick Rubin — Gordo jokes Rubin looks like “one of the Oak Ridge Boys.” Leads to discussion of the Rick Rubin/Paul McCartney Beatles documentary (a three-part series in a dimly lit warehouse), which Gordo loved and George found was “mostly those two looking at each other and pointing”
  • Segment ends with crew noticing Gordo’s University of North Texas T-shirt; Gordo reminds everyone he holds an honorary doctorate from UNT and insists on being called “Dr. Gordon Keith”

Second Observation Deck (The Musers 4-10-2026):

  • Gordo opens by praising what appears to be a music riff playing in
  • References a Hardline Twitch rant revival event from the day before, in which classic audio of Norm (from a rival station) criticizing the Hardline’s coverage of JFK Jr.’s death was played. Gordo concedes Norm was right about that
  • Discussion of the history of Norm eventually joining The Ticket and the awkward early crosstalk between rivals
  • Main topic: The “Sports Jinx/Sports Wizard” debate about Gordo
  • Gordo proposes a sports bet where George has to attend a game (a “Northeast rivalry”) while Gordo bets against him, to test whether George is a jinx
  • George argues his in-person record at games is terrible; Gordo pushes back with cognitive bias argument
  • Examples raised:
  • Rangers World Series meltdown — George was there shaking hands with front office prematurely
  • Mavs 2006 NBA Finals Game 6 in Miami — George was there when Mavs won; Gordo notes this disproves the jinx theory. George counters that Gordo wasn’t really rooting for them
  • Eddie Belfour / Stars playoff game — Gordo claimed Belfour looked shaky; crew made him watch closely; Belfour gave up several goals (six or eight). Crew jokes Gordo force-fed him cough syrup. George defends Belfour as overall a great goaltender
  • Brandon Aubrey — Gordo skeptical of him early; Aubrey later missed some extra points. Crew says it was only one
  • Dak Prescott vs. Tony Romo — Gordo claims credit for seeing Dak’s potential early; crew pushes back on his framing
  • Luka Dončić — Gordo claims credit for predicting Luka would be great; crew says Gordo mostly called him a “guy at the Y-League” who had too many bandages on him
  • Tom Brady / 2002 Super Bowl (Patriots vs. Rams) — Gordo claims he was the only one high on Brady before the upset; crew largely disputes the narrative but George somewhat concedes this one
  • 2008 Super Bowl (Giants vs. Patriots undefeated run) — Gordo says he hinted the Giants might do something
  • LeBron James out of high school — Gordo claims he believed in LeBron when others doubted him
  • The debate over the origins of the “Nick Skinlawnin” character:
  • George thinks it originated at a Super Bowl in Atlanta (Rams vs. Titans, 2000) during a media session where they weren’t getting good audio and Gordo invented a fake player
  • Gordo says he found early audio from the 2002 Super Bowl in New Orleans (Patriots vs. Rams) with an early, “creepier” version of Nick’s voice, to be played later at 8:40
  • Crew traces the timeline: Cowboys-Bills 1994, then Atlanta 2000, then New Orleans 2002
  • Gordo teases playing classic Ticket audio at 8:40, including what he says is an early Nick Skinlawnin clip
  • Reference to the “meatball tree” bit as classic Ticket audio
  • The “sports wizard” nickname is traced to a Brian Collins (“boom goes the dynamite”) clip where someone was sitting in for “Chris Dewar, the sports wizard”
  • Crew’s general conclusion: Gordo is probably 7-200 in predictions overall but only the hits get remembered; Gordo insists the hits are big enough to count more

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

  • Billy Idol’s catalog: Gordo and others go back and forth on whether his songs hold up, with Gordo ultimately supporting the induction despite light skepticism
  • Phil Collins as “rock and roll”: Brief debate over whether his pop sound qualifies, left unresolved
  • The Gordo Sports Jinx debate is the central and heated ongoing argument of the second segment — with George and Craig firmly on one side (Gordo is chaos-seeking and selectively remembers his hits) and Gordo defending himself as an underappreciated early-warning system

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Phone Callers

  • E-Brake callers appear at the very top of the transcript (the tail end of a prior segment):
  • One caller admits he only heard the third candidate, so he votes for it — dubbed “P1 of the week” sarcastically
  • Another caller says “Corby wins” outright
  • A third caller (apparently a regular who has called before) says Gordo correctly called him out last week for “swerving” his vote, and this time straightforwardly votes for Corby

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Lines

  • Gordo on the algorithm when discussing Ian Curtis’s death: *”I need to not offend the algorithm here… he completed his own life.”* — followed by escalating euphemisms (“unalived himself,” “got sick and passed away”) until the crew accepts it
  • Craig’s answer when asked to name a good Iron Maiden song: “White Wedding” (a Billy Idol song)
  • Someone confuses Iron Maiden with Black Sabbath: *”What’s the one that goes, ‘I am Iron Man’?”* — Gordo: *”That’s not Creed.”*
  • Gordo on Rick Rubin: *”Looking like that one member of the Oak Ridge Boys.”*
  • On Paul McCartney in the Beatles documentary: *”Someone should have said to Paul, hey, maybe not chew the gum the whole documentary.”*
  • Gordo insisting on being called “Dr. Gordon Keith” after the UNT honorary doctorate comes up
  • The crew joking that Gordo force-fed Eddie Belfour cough syrup so he’d play poorly and Gordo would get attention
  • George’s summary of Gordo’s sports psychology: *”When someone is really succeeding… it takes attention away from Gordon, so he then says, ‘I don’t know.'”*
  • Gordo on his prediction record: *”I was right about the meatball tree.”*
  • Gordo insisting Tom Brady was once called a “bus driver”: crew uniformly denies ever saying it

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

  • Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2026 — main topic of first Observation Deck (see above for full breakdown)
  • Billy Idol documentary — referenced, title recalled as something like “I Should Be Dead”
  • Rick Rubin / Paul McCartney Beatles documentary — three-part series, described as Rubin geeking out over isolated Beatles master tracks while McCartney strolls around chewing gum
  • Joy Division and New Order — history of the band and Ian Curtis discussed
  • The Hardline Twitch rant revival — classic audio from ~27 years ago featuring Norm and Leon criticizing the Hardline’s JFK Jr. coverage
  • “Boom goes the dynamite” / Brian Collins clip and the “sports wizard” audio referenced as classic Ticket history

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Summary

This portion of The Musers opens at the tail end of the E-Brake of the Week segment, where callers are voting and Corby Davidson claims his 97th win — just three shy of a milestone. The crew briefly roasts an American Airlines ad read by Corby and Dave as sounding like two guys chatting at a bar before pivoting to the first Observation Deck. Gordo, broadcasting with a raspy voice, leads a lively review of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Class of 2026. The crew works through inductees including Phil Collins (praised for his gated snare innovation and unlikely MTV-era stardom), Billy Idol (mildly debated but ultimately approved, with a thin catalog acknowledged), Iron Maiden (approved but the crew can barely name a song), Joy Division/New Order, Oasis (largely a mystery to the crew beyond “Wonderwall”), Sade, Luther Vandross, and Wu-Tang Clan. The conversation also branches into Rick Rubin and his Beatles documentary with Paul McCartney, which Gordo loved for the isolated master tracks and musical nerdery. The segment closes with Gordo insisting on his title of “Dr. Gordon Keith” after his UNT honorary doctorate is acknowledged.

The second Observation Deck opens with Gordo referencing a Hardline Twitch rant revival from the previous day, which featured old audio of rival broadcaster Norm criticizing the Hardline’s JFK Jr. coverage — Gordo concedes Norm had a point. The segment then shifts into one of the show’s great recurring arguments: whether Gordo is a sports jinx, a sports wizard, or simply a chaos agent who selectively remembers his correct predictions. The crew catalogs examples going back decades — Eddie Belfour’s meltdown (which the crew jokes Gordo caused by force-feeding him cough syrup), the Rangers’ premature World Series celebration George participated in, Luka Dončić (Gordo claims credit for believing in him while also calling him “a guy at the Y-League”), Tom Brady’s first Super Bowl, and Brandon Aubrey’s occasional missed kicks. George and Craig argue Gordo’s true record is something like 7-200 but only the hits get remembered, while Gordo insists he is an underappreciated early-warning detection service.

Woven into the sports jinx debate is a fun piece of Ticket history archaeology: Gordo teases that he has found early Nick Skinlawnin audio from around the 2002 Super Bowl in New Orleans, claiming it features a creepier, earlier version of the character’s voice. The crew traces the origin of Nick Skinlawnin back to a Super Bowl media session in Atlanta around 2000 (Rams vs. Titans), where Gordo invented a fake player interview when the crew wasn’t getting good audio access. Gordo promises to play classic Ticket audio including the clip at 8:40, setting up what sounds like a nostalgic and entertaining later segment. The overall tone is warm, self-referential, and deeply inside-baseball — exactly the kind of Ticket lore that longtime P1s live for.

🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Segments in This Portion

  • Observation Deck (first instance, ~8:40 air time): Gordo opens with a raspy voice, prompting jokes from the crew. The segment covers the 2026 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees — Phil Collins, Billy Idol, Iron Maiden, Joy Division/New Order, Oasis, Sade, Luther Vandross, Wu-Tang Clan, Celia Cruz, Fela Kuti, Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, Gram Parsons, Linda Creed, and Rick Rubin. The hosts discuss each inductee’s merits, leading to a digression about Rick Rubin’s documentary with Paul McCartney.
  • Schwag Barker: A fictional bit in which a supposed Cumulus promotions director named “Swag Barker” calls in to discuss what else was found in the prize closet alongside a 20-year-old Taylor Swift-signed guitar being auctioned for charity. The character (voiced by Gordo) rattles off an absurd list of mismatched memorabilia.
  • Jesse the Usher (The Musers 4/9/2026): Another recurring Gordo character, Jesse the Usher, calls in from Augusta National where he claims to be working his 46th Masters. He riffs on security measures (including a suicide vest “hug of death”), Jack Nicklaus hooking his ceremonial tee shot into the crowd, Phil Mickelson, Tiger Woods, and Scottie Scheffler’s 2024 arrest. After the bit, the hosts have a genuine conversation about Jack Nicklaus’s age and whether he could still break 90.
  • Observation Deck (second instance, show date confirmed as 4/9/2026): Gordo follows up on a previous day’s story about a rodent he may have accidentally sealed inside an AC closet at “the Musers’ bunker.” The rat chewed through metal mesh to escape but also chewed through thermostat wiring, knocking out the AC. This leads into a discussion of Ken Burns’ *American Revolution* documentary and the reading of Major Sullivan Ballou’s famous “Dear Sarah” letter from the Ken Burns *Civil War* series.

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Sports Topics Discussed

  • The Masters (Golf): Jesse the Usher segment and post-bit discussion centered on the Masters being underway. José María Olazábal mentioned as being at -2 through six holes. Jack Nicklaus’s ceremonial tee shot hooking into the crowd discussed seriously after the bit. Hosts debate whether Nicklaus, at 86, could break 90 from the tournament tees. [Jesse the Usher segment throughout; post-bit ~00:07:16–00:08:16]
  • Scottie Scheffler’s 2024 PGA Championship arrest referenced briefly in the Jesse the Usher bit. [~00:04:23]
  • Tiger Woods referenced in the Jesse bit regarding his car accident history and fused ankle. [~00:05:42–00:06:15]

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Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

  • After watching Jack Nicklaus’s ceremonial swing, the hosts agree — somewhat seriously — that Nicklaus at 86 could not break 90 from the full tournament tees at Augusta. [Jesse segment, ~00:08:03–00:08:16]
  • Junior (Craig) suggests that the American Revolution was won largely because the British lost interest, comparing it to Vietnam — the U.S. didn’t win so much as outlast. [Observation Deck 2, ~00:10:36–00:11:06]

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Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

  • Gordo’s raspy voice bit [Observation Deck 1, ~00:00:06]: Gordo opens with a conspicuously affected voice, claiming it’s on the fritz. The crew jokes that one day his voice will just permanently “stick” like that. Gordo tries to convince everyone they’d take $1 million to permanently have his hoarse voice; the crew flatly refuses, and someone calls his hypotheticals “getting poor.”
  • Schwag Barker [full segment]: An extended absurdist bit. Highlights include:
  • George allegedly holding a scuba knife to Swag’s throat and threatening to “gas his dog” the first time they met in the hall.
  • Swag claiming he met Bob Sturm in an OnlyFans fan group for “erotic biblical content,” with Sturm’s handle being “crazy for sex stuff Bob Sturm.” [~00:01:43–00:02:01]
  • The prize closet containing: a 47-piece Chris Stapleton-signed drum kit, an “LL Langley-signed Buick,” a Kacey Musgraves-soiled seat cushion from a Michelle and Hawkeye appearance, a Maren Morris-signed Honus Wagner card (“She shouldn’t have signed that card”), a Babe Ruth bat signed by Lainey Wilson (“1927, Lainey Wilson’s favorite season of Babe’s career”), an Alvarez guitar signed by both “Lady Antebellum and Lady A,” and a tiny Martin guitar signed by Baby Jessica. [~00:03:01–00:05:36]
  • Jesse the Usher at Augusta [full segment]: Key moments include:
  • Jesse wearing a suicide vest and delivering a “hug of death” to rule-breakers, whispering “I love you and I’m sorry” before detonating. [~00:01:45–00:02:24]
  • Claiming he makes $5,000 for the weekend but loses money because the Airbnb costs $12,000. [~00:03:19–00:03:26]
  • Jesse saying he threw Mark Calcavecchia’s cell phone into a pine tree where “it’s still hung up.” [~00:04:07]
  • Jack Nicklaus “killing a patron” with a duck hook and then hitting “an old lady right in the nuts” on a second shot. [~00:04:45–00:05:08]
  • Tiger Woods bollard joke: “To keep Tiger from sailing his Land Rover into the clubhouse.” [~00:05:42–00:05:48]
  • Phil Mickelson micro-betting with Jesse on every shot, including “I bet I can hit Jack Nicklaus’ wife on this shot.” [~00:06:24–00:06:37]
  • Tiger always “headhunting” but “a different kind of head.” [~00:06:47–00:06:49]
  • Dear Sarah letter / Junior’s dismissal [Observation Deck 2, ~00:08:06–00:09:28]: After a genuinely moving reading of Major Sullivan Ballou’s Civil War letter, Junior (Craig) immediately deflates the moment: *”The most overwritten war letter of all time. Get to it, dude. You love her and you’re in danger.”* Junior then claims it was ruined because “he signed it LOL with a smiley face.”
  • Gordo’s American Revolution dates [~00:11:49–00:12:13]: Asked to give the years of the American Revolution, Gordo confidently states “1773 to 1768” — going backwards in time — before correcting himself with “1768 to 1767,” then “to 76,” fumbling the whole thing as Junior laughs.

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The second Observation Deck segment closed the show’s final portion. After the emotional reading of the Ballou letter (which ran long enough that “Razor” had to be cut from the lineup [~00:08:24]), the conversation shifted to Ken Burns’ documentary work — Junior enthusiastically recommending the *American Revolution* series and Gordo comically struggling to recall the war’s dates. The segment ended with gentle ribbing about Gordo dismissing Ken Burns as someone “slapping his name on a bunch of junk” and then claiming Burns “has had some work done on his face.” Junior closed with *”That’s the O Deck.”* [~00:13:17]

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Notable Quotes

  • *”The first time I said hi to George in the hall, he held a scuba knife to my throat and threatened to gas my dog.”* — Swag Barker [~00:01:05–00:01:11]
  • *”I will go up to them and give them what I call the hug of death… I whisper into their ear, ‘I love you and I’m sorry,’ before it cuts to an overhead long shot and you see the mushroom cloud rise over Augusta National.”* — Jesse the Usher [~00:01:55–00:02:24]
  • *”Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but omnipotence can break.”* — Sullivan Ballou letter, read on air [~00:06:17–00:06:22]
  • *”The most overwritten war letter of all time. Get to it, dude. You love her and you’re in danger.”* — Junior [~00:08:07–00:08:13]
  • *”What we learned in school was one thousandth of what they have in this Ken Burns documentary.”* — Junior [~00:12:50–00:12:58]

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the April 16, 2026 Musers broadcast opened with two Observation Deck segments bookending a pair of Gordo character bits. The first O Deck featured Gordo doing an exaggerated raspy voice while the crew ran through the 2026 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame class — endorsing Phil Collins, somewhat reluctantly backing Billy Idol after initially hedging, praising Iron Maiden’s long-overdue induction, and discussing Joy Division/New Order, Oasis, Wu-Tang Clan, and others. The segment veered pleasantly into a discussion of Rick Rubin’s documentary with Paul McCartney and the famous gated snare sound from “In the Air Tonight.”

The two character bits — Swag Barker and Jesse the Usher — were among the show’s most overtly comedic segments. Swag Barker delivered an absurdist inventory of the Cumulus prize closet, full of mismatched celebrity memorabilia and escalating nonsense (a Kacey Musgraves-soiled cushion, Baby Jessica’s signed guitar). Jesse the Usher, calling from Augusta, riffed on his suicide-vest security methods, Jack Nicklaus injuring patrons with his ceremonial tee shot, Tiger Woods car-crash jokes, and Phil Mickelson headhunting fans. Both segments were classic Gordo long-form character comedy, with the hosts feeding straight-man reactions throughout. The post-Jesse discussion turned genuinely analytical, with the hosts debating whether an 86-year-old Nicklaus could break 90 at Augusta — the consensus being no way.

The second Observation Deck closed the hour on an unexpectedly moving note. Gordo’s ongoing rodent saga at the Musers’ bunker — the rat chewed through metal mesh *and* the AC wiring — led into a spirited endorsement of Ken Burns’ *American Revolution* documentary from Junior, and then a full on-air reading of Major Sullivan Ballou’s famous “Dear Sarah” Civil War letter. The letter was genuinely emotional, though Junior immediately skewered it as “the most overwritten war letter of all time,” earning a mock-offended response from Gordo. The segment ended with Gordo fumbling the dates of the American Revolution badly, a laugh-out-loud moment that sent the show out on a high note before Junior wrapped with a clean “That’s the O Deck.”

Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.

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