The Musers — 2025-12-12

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, December 12, 2025

📋 Segments This Day

• Mushmouth Thomas
• Observation Deck
• Mushmouth Thomas
• Observation Deck

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers from 2025-12-12:

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Segments That Appeared

• Mushmouth Thomas [00:00:00]: A recurring Musers Christmas tradition segment in which Gordo voices a character called “Mushmouth Thomas,” a bizarre creature who visits the studio. In this appearance, Mushmouth spins an absurdist retelling of the Nativity story, gives oddball gifts to the hosts, and announces he will be the lead reindeer for Santa this year.
• Observation Deck [00:00:00 of second segment]: Gordo’s regular segment, sponsored by Tylock-George Eye Care, in which he riffs on recent happenings. Here he recaps White Elephant Day 2024, which was held on location for the first time ever at Meyers Garden in Knox-Henderson, and then pivots to a lengthy, comedic retelling of a story about a Ticket personality named “Davy” having a bathroom accident in a grocery store while his young child was with him. The segment drifts into a discussion of the movie *Along Came Polly*.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Mushmouth Thomas segment [00:00:00–00:07:14]: This was essentially one long Gordo comedic bit. Highlights included:
• Mushmouth’s revisionist Nativity story in which the Star of Bethlehem was actually a Mushmouth illuminating its tail to find a mate, leading the “stupid dumb wise man” to “baby Cheesaw.”
• Mushmouth claiming the Nativity Mushmouth was both his father and mother, having reproduced via parthenogenesis due to rarity of the species.
• The gift-giving sequence, featuring intentionally terrible and absurd gifts: a stick found near a road “a cyclist might go down someday” (for Craig, the cyclist), a mud-smeared Blu-ray box set of the Canadian series *Heated Rivalry* (for George), a high-end Colnago V4 RS bike that Mushmouth had accidentally eaten and then passed (“might want to hose it off”), Tom Landry’s fedora retrieved from his grave the previous night, a cracked wheel from a 1986 Honda Accord “to put on your bike for good gas mileage,” and a large sack of Mushmouth’s own dung in individually dated Ziploc baggies as Christmas party favors.
• Mushmouth announcing he would be lead reindeer for Santa via shapeshifting, but worrying he might eat one of the other reindeer.
• Mushmouth’s garbled version of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”: *”Tingle, sir. Tingle, come a-be.”*
• Notable quote: *”Thank goodness my mama slash daddy didn’t eat baby Cheesaw so you MFs don’t have to burn in hell for all eternity for sin.”*

• Observation Deck [00:01:10–end]: Extended comedic discussion of Ticket personality Davy’s second known grocery store bathroom accident, this time with his young child locked in the stall with him. Gordo speculated Davy has a permanently dilated sphincter, and Donovan apparently suggested Davy needs butt surgery. The segment transitioned into an appreciation of *Along Came Polly* (2004), specifically the Ben Stiller bathroom scene and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character Sandy Lyle being called “ridiculously funny.” Gordo accidentally repeated something George had just said about the film’s toilet/prayer scene and was called out for it.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Mushmouth Thomas: A clearly well-established recurring Musers Christmas character voiced by Gordo. Described as a tradition the hosts look forward to annually, with Mushmouth being “let off leash” by his handlers.
• “Creamer”: Mushmouth’s (and apparently the character’s broader) pronunciation of “Christmas.” Used consistently throughout the Mushmouth segment.
• White Elephant Day: Referenced as one of the biggest days on The Ticket’s annual calendar, with listeners reportedly taking the day off work to listen. This was the first year it was held on location.
• Davy’s bathroom incidents: Presented as a recurring story familiar to the audience, with mention that this was his second known grocery store accident.
• Craig’s cycling hobby: Used repeatedly as the basis for Mushmouth’s cycling-themed gifts.
• George’s nickname “Ja”: Used by Mushmouth when addressing George Dunham.

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3-Paragraph Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with the annual Mushmouth Thomas Christmas segment, one of the show’s most beloved holiday traditions. Gordo voices Mushmouth, a bizarre, apparently ancient creature, who visits the studio and delivers an absurdist retelling of the Nativity story — claiming a Mushmouth ancestor’s mating display was mistaken for the Star of Bethlehem, and that “baby Cheesaw” was born via parthenogenesis. The segment builds into an extended gift-giving sequence featuring intentionally ridiculous presents: a stick near a cycling road, a mud-smeared Blu-ray set, a high-end bicycle Mushmouth had eaten and passed, Tom Landry’s stolen grave fedora, a cracked Honda wheel “for gas mileage,” and a bag of dated, individually wrapped Mushmouth dung as Christmas party favors. Mushmouth closes by announcing he will be Santa’s lead reindeer this year via shapeshifting, with the caveat that he hopes he doesn’t eat any of his reindeer teammates.

The Observation Deck segment follows, with Gordo recapping the previous day’s White Elephant Day broadcast, noting it was the first time in Ticket history the event was held on location — at Meyers Garden in the Knox-Henderson area of Dallas. He calls it one of the biggest days on the Ticket calendar, with fans reportedly taking the day off just to listen. The conversation quickly shifts to the dominant story of the noon-to-three shift: Ticket personality Davy suffering his second known grocery store bathroom accident, this time with his young child in the stall with him. Gordo, George, and the others riff at length on Davy’s apparent lack of bowel control, his habit of burying his abandoned underwear in trash cans, and the psychological toll on his child.

The segment then transitions organically into a discussion of the 2004 comedy *Along Came Polly*, triggered by the comparison to Ben Stiller’s infamous bathroom scene in that film. The hosts express genuine appreciation for the movie, calling it underrated and singling out Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Sandy Lyle as a comedic highlight. Gordo briefly confuses the film with *There’s Something About Mary* and the Farrelly Brothers before being corrected. The segment ends on a lighthearted note, with the hosts reminiscing about the film’s details — a fitting wind-down from the chaos of the Mushmouth Christmas visit.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — 2025-12-12 (Observation Deck Portion)

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Segments in This Portion

• Pre-segment banter / show recap discussion [00:05:40–00:14:06]: Hosts recap highlights from what appears to be a previous show or event (likely the Ticket’s white elephant/Christmas party or lunchtime broadcast). Topics included a story about “Davey” having a bathroom accident in a grocery store, a talent show featuring a Donald Duck impressionist, a white elephant gift exchange, and a crude “would you rather” hypothetical involving a goat.

• Mushmouth Thomas [00:00:00–00:05:38]: A recurring Musers Christmas tradition segment featuring “Mushmouth Thomas,” a fictional creature character voiced by Gordo. Mushmouth visits the studio, tells an absurdist retelling of the Nativity story, and distributes bizarre Christmas gifts to the hosts.

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Was There an “Observation Deck” Segment?

The transcript is labeled as the Observation Deck portion, but no formally announced Observation Deck segment is apparent in the text. The content instead consists of the two segments described above.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable One-Liners

• [00:05:40–00:08:15] — The retelling of “Davey’s” grocery store bathroom accident: something “tumbled down the back of his leg and lodged in the cuff of his sweatpants.” The hosts riff on why he never changed his sweatpants before an Iron Bowl party, leading to an extended bit about burning the soiled pants in the backyard with a “tear falling down your eyes,” a persistent fire that can’t be extinguished even with foam, and fire departments repeatedly showing up. One-liner: *”I don’t know where it’s getting its fuel from.”*

• [00:08:21–00:12:10] — Discussion of a Stars coach (Glen Gullett) being interviewed while Gordo peppered him with celebrity voice impressions (Avery Johnson, Michael Irvin, Nick Saban, Wade Phillips) as part of a “white elephant day” surprise. Gordo complained about once interviewing Tony from the band The Outfield, who answered every question in Donald Duck voice, making it impossible to conduct the interview. *”When you made your first album, Play Deep, and you chose — I’m sorry, would you say Tony? I don’t understand.”*

• [00:12:14–00:14:06] — Craig recounts a “would you rather” hypothetical from the white elephant event: have sex with a goat privately vs. not do it but have the whole world think you did. Craig said he’d take the reputational hit and monetize it, going on a “talk show circuit as the guy who did the goat.” Sean’s response: *”You’re flying in Goat Force One all over America.”* Gordo: *”You’re the Michael Jordan of goat stuff.”*

• [00:00:00–00:05:38] — Mushmouth Thomas Christmas segment, entirely a Gordo absurdist performance:
• Mushmouth claims his ancestor (actually his father, since Mushmouths live very long lives) was the “star of Bethlehem” — actually a Mushmouth illuminating its tail to find a mate. The Wise Men mistook it for a star. *”Stupid dumb wise man!”*
• The baby in the manger is referred to as “baby Cheesaw,” and Mushmouth explains his father/mother were the same being due to parthenogenesis, since Mushmouths are rare. *”Thank goodness my mama slash daddy didn’t eat baby Cheesaw so you MFs don’t have to burn in hell for all eternity for sin.”*
• Mushmouth brings gifts: a stick found near a road “a cyclist might go down someday” for Craig (because he likes cycling); a mud-smeared Blu-ray box set of a Canadian TV series called *Heated Rivalry* for George (whom he calls “Ja”), noting nobody watches Blu-rays anymore; a Colnago V4 RS road bike with Shimano Dura-Ace Di2 components for Craig — which Mushmouth accidentally ate while grazing and later passed, suggesting Craig “might want to hose it off”; Tom Landry’s fedora — specifically “the one he was buried in,” retrieved during “a pretty late night last night” (implying grave-robbing); and a cracked wheel from a 1986 Honda Accord, again for Craig, with the note that he can “put it on your bike and get good gas mileage.”

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• [00:09:23–00:11:08] — Mild disagreement about Donald Duck’s voice. Gordo said he hated it even as a kid and found it annoying and unintelligible. George defended it as genuinely funny. They agreed Mickey Mouse’s voice was arguably worse or at least “whip-ish,” while both found Goofy’s voice acceptable. Gordo theorized Disney never intended Donald Duck to become a primary character, which is why they didn’t bother giving him a better voice.

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Any Pop Culture, Music, or Non-Sports Topics Discussed

• The Outfield [00:09:41–00:10:10]: Gordo expressed genuine affection for the band (known for “Your Love” / *Play Deep* album), noting both members have passed away. He described a painful experience interviewing lead singer Tony, who refused to break from the Donald Duck voice the entire time, making the interview useless.
• Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Goofy voice comparisons — extended Disney character voice debate.
• Tom Landry — referenced in the Mushmouth segment via the fedora gag.
• Goat Force One — a riff on Air Force One.

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the show opens mid-conversation with the hosts recapping memorable moments from what appears to be a recent Ticket Christmas party or lunchtime broadcast. The standout story involves a colleague named Davey who suffered a public bathroom accident while wearing sweatpants in a grocery store — with the added indignity of not changing the sweatpants before hosting an Iron Bowl watch party, where his teenage daughter noticed something amiss. Gordo turned the aftermath into an extended comedic riff about burning the evidence in the backyard, a fire that resists all suppression efforts, and fire departments repeatedly responding. The hosts also recalled Glen Gullett (Stars coach) being subjected to a barrage of Gordo celebrity impressions during an interview, and Craig recounted a crude “would you rather” hypothetical from the white elephant party that produced the image of someone flying “Goat Force One” across America as a celebrity.

The segment shifts into The Musers’ annual Christmas tradition: a visit from Mushmouth Thomas, an absurdist fictional creature character voiced by Gordo. In full character, Gordo spins an elaborate alternate Nativity story in which a Mushmouth ancestor (actually Mushmouth’s own father, given the species’ extraordinary lifespan) accidentally guided the Wise Men to “baby Cheesaw” in the manger — not as a star, but as a creature illuminating its tail to find a mate. Mushmouth also explains that Mushmouths can reproduce via parthenogenesis when mates are unavailable, making baby Cheesaw both Mushmouth’s father and mother simultaneously. The theology lands somewhere between earnest absurdism and deliberate irreverence, with Mushmouth thanking the hosts’ ancestors for not eating the savior figure.

Mushmouth then distributes Christmas gifts of wildly varying quality: a road-adjacent stick for Craig (the cyclist), a mud-coated Blu-ray of an obscure Canadian TV series for George, a top-of-the-line Colnago road bike for Craig that Mushmouth had accidentally eaten and later passed (“might want to hose it off”), Tom Landry’s actual burial fedora retrieved in a vaguely described “late night,” and a cracked 1986 Honda Accord wheel for Craig with the suggestion it could improve his bike’s gas mileage. The segment is a showcase of Gordo’s absurdist character work, with the hosts playing along as straight men to increasingly surreal logic — a hallmark of the Mushmouth Christmas tradition.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Segments in This Portion

• Mushmouth Thomas (~00:05:42): A recurring Gordo character bit — Mushmouth visits for a Christmas-themed sketch, giving out gifts including “a big sack of his own dung” with individually dated Ziploc bags as “creamer party favors.” Mushmouth also announces he’ll be the lead reindeer for Santa due to “shapeshifting,” then hints he might eat one of the other reindeer. Ends with a “Merry Creamer” sign-off.

• Observation Deck (00:00:00–00:14:06): Gordo’s daily commentary segment, sponsored by Tylock George-iCare. This edition recapped highlights from the previous day’s White Elephant Day broadcast, which was held on location at Meyers Garden in Knox-Henderson — a first in Ticket history. Topics ranged from a co-worker’s bathroom accident to the movie *Along Came Polly* to Donald Duck’s voice to a “would you rather” hypothetical involving a goat.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• Mushmouth’s Christmas gifts (~00:05:42–00:07:14): Gordo’s Mushmouth character gives “John” a big sack of his own dung, individually wrapped and dated “for food provenance,” to be used as creamer party favors at family gatherings. He then announces he’s been tapped as Santa’s lead reindeer via shapeshifting, and darkly hints he may eat one of the other reindeer (“Santa’s going to be down one Vixen”). The bit closes with Mushmouth chanting “Merry Creamer.”

• Davey’s grocery store bathroom incident (00:01:10–00:08:15): Gordo recounts a story from the previous day’s noon-to-three show in which co-worker Davey (apparently a recurring character/personality) had a second-known incident of soiling himself in a grocery store — this time while wearing sweatpants and with his young child in tow. Details included something “tumbling down the back of his leg and lodging in the cuff of his sweatpants,” abandoning his underwear in the trash, and later being asked by his 16-year-old daughter at a party whether he’d sat in mud — because he never changed the sweatpants. George jokes that burning the sweatpants would start an inexplicable, unstoppable fire requiring repeated fire department visits. [00:07:16–00:08:15]

• Gully (Stars coach Glenn Gulutzan) interviewed in character voices (00:08:28–00:08:55): George notes that during the White Elephant Day broadcast, Stars coach Glenn Gulutzan was peppered with questions from Gordo doing voices of Avery Johnson, Michael Irvin, Nick Saban, and Wade Phillips. Gulutzan was warned in advance that “characters” might appear.

• The goat hypothetical (00:12:14–00:14:06): Craig recaps a “would you rather” from the Hypotheticals segment: Would you rather actually have sex with a goat and nobody knows, or not do it but have the entire world believe you did? Craig says Daddy, Matt, and Sean all chose to do the goat privately, while Craig said he’d rather let the world think he did it, then monetize the notoriety — going on the talk show circuit as “the goat guy” and flying around on “Goat Force One.” The others then realized the irony that they’d actually done it and Craig would be getting rich. Gordo riffs on being “the Michael Jordan of goat stuff.”

• The Outfield / Donald Duck tangent (00:09:07–00:12:10): A digression sparked by someone at the talent show doing a Donald Duck voice leads to Gordo recounting interviewing Tony Lewis (lead singer of The Outfield) at The Ticket, during which Lewis answered every question entirely in Donald Duck voice. Gordo says it was “the worst deal I’ve ever had.” He also debates the merits of Disney character voices — hating Donald Duck’s, tolerating Goofy’s, and calling Mickey’s voice a “whip.” He speculates Disney never expected Donald Duck to become a major character, which is why they gave him an unintelligible voice.

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Notable Quotes

• “I brought you a big sack of my own dung that you can hand out for creamer party favors at your local family get-together.” — Mushmouth (Gordo) [00:06:01–00:06:11]
• “He noticed that he thought he knew he had to go to the bathroom, but he didn’t know how bad it was until he felt something tumble down the back of his leg and lodge in the cuff of his sweatpants.” — Gordo [00:06:05–00:06:12]
• “You’re flying in Goat Force One all over America. You are the goat.” — Craig [00:13:20–00:13:22]
• “You’re the Michael Jordan of goat stuff.” — Gordo [00:14:00–00:14:01]
• “Merry Creamer. Merry Creamer.” — Mushmouth closing [00:07:07–00:07:11]

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The segment ends mid-riff on the goat hypothetical, with Gordo delivering the “Michael Jordan of goat stuff” line as the apparent button. There are no formal closing thoughts, previews, or sign-offs captured in this portion of the transcript.

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the Musers opens with the tail end of the Mushmouth Thomas recurring character bit, one of Gordo’s holiday staples. Mushmouth bestows Christmas “gifts” including a dated, individually wrapped sack of his own dung for use as creamer party favors, and announces he’s been recruited as Santa’s lead reindeer through shapeshifting — darkly hinting he may eat one of his fellow reindeer along the way. The segment closes with Mushmouth’s signature “Merry Creamer” chant, capping off a quintessentially absurdist Gordo holiday bit.

The Observation Deck segment, sponsored by Tylock George-iCare, serves as a wide-ranging recap of the previous day’s White Elephant Day, which made history as the first time The Ticket broadcast all its shows on location — at Meyers Garden in Knox-Henderson. The clear highlight of Gordo’s recap is an extended, gleefully detailed retelling of co-worker Davey’s second known public bathroom accident, this time in a grocery store while wearing sweatpants and accompanied by his young child. The story spirals into comparisons to *Along Came Polly*, speculation about Davey’s anatomy, and a bit where an inextinguishable fire breaks out in Davey’s backyard as he attempts to burn his contaminated sweatpants. Other White Elephant Day highlights mentioned include Stars coach Glenn Gulutzan being interviewed through a rotating carousel of Gordo character voices, and a talent show appearance by someone doing a Donald Duck impression — which launches Gordo into a tangent about once interviewing The Outfield’s lead singer entirely in Donald Duck voice.

The segment wraps with Craig recounting the “would you rather” hypothetical from the Hypotheticals segment the day prior — a crude but memorable bit in which hosts had to choose between privately having sex with a goat or letting the whole world falsely believe they did. Craig’s answer — that he’d embrace the false reputation, monetize it, and tour as a celebrity on “Goat Force One” — gets the biggest laughs, especially when the guys who “chose the goat” realize Craig would be getting rich off something he didn’t actually do. Gordo closes the bit by crowning Craig “the Michael Jordan of goat stuff,” a fittingly absurd button on a segment that encapsulates The Musers’ blend of sports-adjacent conversation, lowbrow comedy, and off-the-rails tangents.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.