The Musers — 2025-12-13

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Saturday, December 13, 2025

📋 Segments This Day

• P-Dog Mad Dog
• Observation Deck
• E-Brake

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

I’ll analyze this transcript portion now.

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Segments in This Portion

• P-Dog / Mad Dog (~00:00:00–00:11:24): The Musers play their annual Christmas tradition of holiday songs recorded by P1 Kevin’s children, Patrick (“P-Dawg”) and Madison (“Mad-Dawg”), when they were very young (roughly 2005). Three songs are featured: *Oh, Hear Them* by P-Dawg, *I Woke You Up* by Mad-Dawg, and the fan favorite *Robot Santa* by P-Dawg. The hosts comment throughout on the chaotic, unhinged nature of the recordings.
• Observation Deck (~00:00:00 in second segment): Gordo’s segment, sponsored by TimeLocked. The topic is Christmas music — specifically how hard it is for new songs to break into the Christmas canon, and a rundown of Billboard’s top 25 Christmas songs of all time. The segment appears to be cut off mid-list.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• [00:01:00] George’s intro of P1 Kevin included the joke that Kevin “went on to great success in the music business as he became a member of the Bird Dogs, an internationally, locally famous band” — a self-deprecating jab at the band’s modest fame.
• [00:01:04] Gordo compared the origin story of Kevin meeting the Musers and later joining the Bird Dogs to the show *Lost*: *”It’s like Lost. We met, you know, this way.”*
• [00:02:17] George delivered the deadpan line about P-Dawg’s lack of natural talent: *”Patrick’s own father says that whereas Madison was born with musical talent, Patrick never let that stop him.”*
• [00:03:13] Gordo suggested *Oh, Hear Them* would fit perfectly in a Christmas horror movie: *”You think this ought to be in like a Christmas horror movie.”* George agreed: *”This is like an evil clown. This is what’s going on inside his mind.”*
• [00:03:52] One host quipped during *Oh, Hear Them*: *”This makes me want to drive off with a high five. Just give him a chance.”*
• [00:04:16] George’s observation: *”His own voice doesn’t blend with itself.”*
• [00:04:27] Gordo zinged Kevin again: *”In some ways, nothing’s really changed for Kevin. Being a member of the Bird Dogs, he’s still playing with a five-year-old lead singer, for the most part.”*
• [00:07:37] After *I Woke You Up*, one host declared: *”It’s now officially Christmas season.”*
• [00:07:56] The hosts marveled that first-grader Patrick wrote *Robot Santa* and mentioned holographic elves, with Gordo noting: *”He was ahead of his time. Look at the world we live in today. Robots delivering food.”*
• [00:01:47] In the Observation Deck segment, George described overplayed Christmas music as *”water torture”* — then corrected himself: *”Chinese water torture. I have no disrespect.”*

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• P-Dog and Mad-Dog / P1 Kevin’s Kids’ Christmas Songs: A long-running annual Musers Christmas tradition dating back to approximately 2005. The three songs — *Oh, Hear Them*, *I Woke You Up*, and *Robot Santa* — are treated as beloved holiday classics by the show and described as having “infected our brains.”
• The Bird Dogs: George Dunham’s band, referenced with the running joke that it is “internationally, locally famous.” P1 Kevin is a member.
• The Observation Deck: Gordo’s regular segment, sponsored by TimeLocked.

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3-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the December 13, 2025 Musers show opens with a beloved annual Christmas tradition: the playing of holiday songs written and recorded by P1 Kevin’s children, Patrick (“P-Dawg”) and Madison (“Mad-Dawg”), when they were approximately six years old and preschool age, respectively, back around 2005. George sets up the segment by explaining that P1 Kevin is a musician who later joined the Musers-affiliated band the Bird Dogs, and that the children’s songs have become something of unofficial Christmas standards for the show. Three songs are featured — *Oh, Hear Them*, *I Woke You Up*, and the flagship *Robot Santa* — each played in full while the hosts comment with a mix of affection and amusement.

The hosts’ commentary throughout the P-Dog/Mad-Dog segment is consistently funny and warm. They note that Patrick’s father openly admits Madison was the naturally gifted one, while Patrick “never let that stop him.” Gordo suggests *Oh, Hear Them* belongs in a Christmas horror movie, George observes that Patrick’s “voice doesn’t blend with itself,” and the group marvels that a first-grader envisioned a Robot Santa with holographic elves and laser delivery systems — with Gordo pointing out how prescient that concept seems in the modern age of robot food delivery. The segment ends with the hosts joining in on the “I’m Robot Santa” chorus and declaring the Christmas season officially begun.

Following the music segment, the show transitions into the Observation Deck, where Gordo leads a discussion about Christmas music culture. The central observation is how remarkably consistent the Christmas music canon is — the same small rotation of songs dominates year after year despite new holiday music being released constantly — and how almost nothing new ever breaks through into becoming a true standard. George mentions he has largely grown tired of the repetition and now finds overplayed Christmas songs to be “water torture.” The segment begins walking through Billboard’s staff-selected top 25 Christmas songs of all time, starting from number 25, but is cut off in the transcript before completing the list.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers (2025-12-13):

Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck (implied): The hosts work through Billboard’s list of the greatest Christmas songs of all time, counting down from roughly #22 down to #2, reacting to each song with opinions, memories, and jokes.

Was There an “Observation Deck” Segment?

• Yes. The segment was a countdown of Billboard’s Top 25 (and beyond) Greatest Christmas Songs of All Time. The hosts reacted to each entry, sharing whether they liked or disliked the song, and offering commentary along the way. Songs discussed included:
• #22: “Santa Baby” (1953) — Gordo found it creepy, comparing it unfavorably to the backlash “Baby It’s Cold Outside” receives
• #21: John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” (1972) — general approval
• #20: Chuck Berry’s “Run Rudolph Run” (1958) — enthusiastic approval
• #19: Bobby Helms’ “Jingle Bell Rock” (1957) — hosts were over it, noted it was stopped mid-play earlier in the week
• #18: The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping” — liked
• #17: Joni Mitchell’s “River” (1971) — no enthusiasm from anyone
• #16: The Beach Boys’ “Little Saint Nick” (1963) — approved
• #15: Judy Garland’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (1944) — loved, described as wistful/sad
• #14: Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” — enthusiastic approval
• #13: Ariana Grande’s “Santa Tell Me” (2014) — mild approval
• #12: Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas” (1957) — criticized specifically for the backup singers, compared to “dying geese”
• #11: Vince Guaraldi Trio’s “Christmas Time Is Here” (1965) — loved by some, Gordo described it as the song you listen to while sitting on the floor with a tumbler of bourbon contemplating dark things
• #10: Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas” (1970) — enthusiastic approval; one host noted discovering it recently and being blown away by Hathaway’s voice; noted covers by Destiny’s Child, Pentatonix, and John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John
• #9: Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” (1982) — mixed; one host jokingly said he “had an accident in his blue jeans” doing a Springsteen impression, others said they couldn’t do it
• #8: Run-D.M.C.’s “Christmas in Hollis” — loved; noted it appears in Die Hard
• #7: Jose Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad” — mild approval; Gordo joked about being more “multicultural” than the others
• #6: Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (1958) — called the most overplayed Christmas song; interesting note that Brenda Lee was only 13 when she recorded it
• #5: Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” (1947) — called one of the greatest songs ever, though it makes some hosts sad
• #4: Wham!’s “Last Christmas” — described as “the song that tears this show apart every Christmas”; one host loved it, Gordo derided the lyrics (“Last Christmas I gave you my heart, and the very next day you gave it away” — why did they wait a whole day?)
• #3: Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” — called possibly the greatest Christmas voice ever, a top-three pick for at least one host
• #2: Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” — mentioned at the very end of the transcript

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, or Memorable One-Liners

• [00:03:24–00:03:47] Gordo pointed out the double standard of society finding “Baby It’s Cold Outside” creepy while “Santa Baby” — which he described as a woman “using her sex organs offering” to Santa — gets a pass
• [00:07:47–00:08:01] Gordo’s description of Elvis’s backup singers on “Blue Christmas” as “dying geese,” theorizing they were playing a prank in the studio and forgot to turn them down in the final mix
• [00:08:27–00:08:36] Gordo’s darkly comic description of the Vince Guaraldi “Christmas Time Is Here” vibe: sitting on the floor slumped against the sheetrock, tumbler of bourbon, gun in mouth, having vomited at least three times
• [00:10:22–00:10:28] A host doing a Springsteen impression for “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town,” then breaking off to say “I had an accident in my blue jeans”
• [00:12:12–00:13:06] Extended mockery of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” lyrics — specifically asking why the person waited 24 hours before throwing the heart away, calling it “some of the dumbest lyrics I’ve ever seen in my life”
• [00:11:08–00:11:14] After mild approval for “Feliz Navidad,” Gordo declared himself more multicultural than the others for liking it, then was challenged on what makes the other songs “white Christmas songs”

Pop Culture, Music, or Non-Sports Topics Discussed

• The entire segment was a music/pop culture discussion centered on Billboard’s ranking of the greatest Christmas songs of all time
• Brief mention of the Ticket’s upcoming Christmas party at the Bartonville store, scheduled for the following Wednesday [00:12:27–00:12:29]
• Die Hard referenced in connection with “Christmas in Hollis” [00:10:47–00:10:54]
• Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas” covered by Destiny’s Child, Pentatonix, and John Travolta/Olivia Newton-John [00:09:22–00:09:39]

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Summary

This portion of The Musers was devoted entirely to a fun, free-wheeling music segment in which the hosts counted down Billboard’s Greatest Christmas Songs of All Time, starting somewhere around #22 and working their way down to #2 by the end of the transcript. The format was simple — a song title and year were announced, clips were presumably played, and the hosts reacted — but it generated plenty of banter and genuine disagreement about which songs held up and which didn’t.

Gordo was in fine form throughout, landing several memorable comic observations. His comparison of “Santa Baby” to “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as an overlooked creepy Christmas song, his description of Elvis’s backup singers as “dying geese accidentally left in the final mix,” and his pitch-black evocation of the Vince Guaraldi Christmas album as music for someone sitting on the floor with a bourbon and a firearm were among the highlights. His extended dissection of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” lyrics — why exactly did the heartbreaker wait 24 hours? — was another standout moment, even as at least one other host defended the song.

There was broad agreement on several songs — Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas,” Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song,” Andy Williams’ “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” and Run-D.M.C.’s “Christmas in Hollis” all received enthusiastic approval. The bigger flashpoints were Wham!’s “Last Christmas” (which the hosts noted has historically divided the show), Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” (liked but deemed overplayed), and Joni Mitchell’s “River” (which received complete silence). The segment ended with the reveal of #2: Darlene Love’s “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” presumably just before a break.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Here is the analysis of this final portion of The Musers from 2025-12-13:

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Segments in This Portion

• Top Christmas Songs discussion (~00:14:01): The hosts wrap up a Billboard-based countdown of the greatest Christmas songs of all time, debating merits of various classics before revealing the #1 song is Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” (1994). Gordo expresses mock outrage that it tops the list over traditional classics.
• E-Brake (~00:00:01–00:13:02): The weekly segment where listeners vote on the most cringe-worthy or chaotic on-air moment from the week. Three candidates are presented and callers vote by phone.

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Top 10 / List Segment

• This was the tail end of a Billboard Top Christmas Songs countdown. The #1 song revealed was “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey (1994). Other songs mentioned (not necessarily in ranked order) include:
• White Christmas
• The Christmas Song
• Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (noted as not even in the top 25)
• Silent Night
• O Little Town of Bethlehem
• Away in a Manger
• Little Drummer Boy
• Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
• Gordo presented the list; George and others guessed along. Gordo noted that “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” was written by someone in Dallas.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• Gordo on Mariah Carey (~00:15:22–00:16:27): Gordo declared the Mariah Carey #1 ranking “one of the worst deals we’ve ever had” and said it’s “the reason I root for global warming.” He acknowledged it makes her $6 million a year and that the movie *Love Actually* helped cement its cultural status, but insisted she should “pledge to never play it again.”
• E-Brake Candidate #1 — Dave’s new laugh (~00:01:44–00:03:36): Dave Lane from The Hardline debuted a bizarre, bird-like laugh during his show that completely derailed the segment. The hosts and callers were baffled by it. George noted it “sounds like a drop being played in the middle” of the show.
• E-Brake Candidate #2 — Bob turns into Daffy Duck (~00:03:43–00:05:09): During the White Elephant Day broadcast, Bob (working with Travis, Lando, and others on the 3–7 shift) suddenly developed a Daffy Duck-style speech impediment mid-sentence. The crew played the clip back and dubbed him “Daffy Duck.” One host quipped, “Hello, Daffy Duck. You’re welcome to our show.”
• E-Brake Candidate #3 — Gordo says “early birding” (~00:05:25–00:06:08): Gordo himself submitted his own flub as a candidate: while reading an American Airlines ad, he said “early birding” instead of “early boarding” — twice. He noted with self-awareness, “I crack myself up there. I love it when people call out themselves.”
• George’s “smoke filled the cock—” (~00:00:22–00:00:42): In the E-Brake intro, a clip played of someone (identified as a host) stopping themselves mid-word after saying “smoke filled the cock—” before correcting to “cockpit.” This prompted laughter and ribbing.

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Phone Callers

Multiple callers voted during the E-Brake segment:

• First caller (~00:06:56): Voted for Bob (Candidate #2), calling it “Bob’s mouth queef.”
• Second caller (~00:07:09–00:07:17): Checked whether they were on AM, FM, and internet streaming, then voted for Candidate #3 (Gordo’s “early birding”).
• Third caller — Brady Tom (~00:07:24–00:07:55): Sang a brief Christmas song on air, then voted for Dave (Candidate #1). Gordo wished him a Merry Christmas.
• “Coco” (~00:07:59–00:09:02): A recurring comedic caller doing a bit involving consulting the ghost of Tom Hicks, recently deceased, and referencing Steve Jobs. Voted for “Sylvester Daffy Duck Bob” (Candidate #2). Gordo declared Coco “my new favorite caller.”
• Craig (~00:09:09–00:09:37): A caller who said he invited Gordo (but not George) to a “very well-to-do Christmas party,” also inviting Darryl Razor Ray. He voted for Candidate #3 (Gordo’s “early birding”), calling it a “train wreck.”
• Cruz and “Coach Jimmy B” (~00:09:42–00:09:47): Voted for Dave’s new laugh (Candidate #1) and gave a “shout out to Santa’s a big old hog.”
• Anonymous caller (~00:09:56): Said “I don’t want no Bob or no George on my front porch,” then voted for Candidate #1.
• “Muffin” (~00:10:03–00:10:29): Said he’d “miss the hell out of you guys” over the holiday break, then admitted he’d been so lazy the previous week that he stopped showering and washing his feet, leading to athlete’s foot. Gordo thanked him for calling.
• “Elvis Andrews” (~00:10:48–00:10:54): Introduced himself as an American League All-Star in Texas and voted for Candidate #1 (Dave). Gordo commented, “This is quite a parade of characters this morning.”
• Caller asking for the choices again (~00:11:09–00:11:14): Gordo cut off with “Don’t say that right before Christmas.”
• Caller answering “Greg Nettles and Chris Chambliss” (~00:11:22–00:11:30): Non-sequitur answer to who wins the E-Brake. Gordo rejected it and moved on.
• Caller giving his vote to “the P1” (~00:11:38–00:11:47): Said the choices were great and gave his vote to another P1 caller. Gordo deadpanned, “He’s drunk.”
• Final caller (~00:12:00–00:12:18): Voted for Candidate #3, calling it “the most perfect E-Brake ever” and “the most brilliant.” Also referenced playing a Donald Trump impression drop, calling it “Trump with a cold.”

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How the Show Wrapped Up

• After the final caller, Gordo declared Dave’s bird laugh (Candidate #1) the winner (~00:12:18), playing the clip one final time.
• The E-Brake announcer revealed the updated all-time leaderboard (~00:12:57–00:13:02):
• Dave Lane: 24 E-Brakes (still well behind the leader)
• Norm: 115 E-Brakes (all-time leader)
• Johnny “E-Brake” Craig Rosengarten: Dave is now only 11 behind him

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Notable Quotes

• Gordo on Mariah Carey’s #1 ranking: *”I’ve called it one of the worst deals we’ve ever had. I think that is the problem with humanity, and it’s the reason why I root for global warming.”* (~00:15:27)
• Gordo on the Mariah song: *”The song that guarantees her mailbox money for life.”* (~00:15:55)
• Gordo on “early birding”: *”I crack myself up there. I love it when people call out themselves.”* (~00:06:05)
• Coco on Tom Hicks consulting from the afterlife: *”Just like Steve Jobs, find out Mr. Hick not able to bring all his very rich money cash down here.”* (~00:08:36)
• “Muffin” on his holiday hygiene: *”I wasn’t taking a shower and washing my feet very good… so I ended up with athlete’s [foot].”* (~00:10:22)

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the December 13, 2025 Musers show opened with the tail end of a Billboard Top Christmas Songs countdown, with the hosts guessing at the #1 song before Gordo revealed it to be Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” While acknowledging the song’s infectious quality and cultural ubiquity — boosted partly by the film *Love Actually* — Gordo was characteristically dramatic in his disdain, calling the result “the problem with humanity” and joking it was enough to make him root for global warming. The hosts noted the song earns Carey roughly $6 million annually, and there was playful back-and-forth about whether it genuinely deserves its perch atop the canon over timeless classics like “White Christmas” and “Silent Night.”

The bulk of the segment was the E-Brake, the show’s weekly listener-voted award for the most chaotic or embarrassing on-air moment. Three candidates were presented: Dave Lane’s bizarre new bird-like laugh that baffled his own Hardline co-hosts mid-segment; Bob’s sudden and inexplicable Daffy Duck speech impediment during the White Elephant Day broadcast; and Gordo’s own self-submitted flub, in which he said “early birding” instead of “early boarding” while reading an American Airlines ad — not once but twice. The segment drew a colorful parade of callers including the recurring comedic character Coco, who consulted the ghost of recently deceased Tom Hicks for his vote, and “Muffin,” who casually revealed he’d developed athlete’s foot over a lazy week off from showering.

Dave’s bird laugh ultimately won the E-Brake vote, bringing his career total to 24. The closing E-Brake tally placed him still far behind the all-time leader Norm at 115, but now only 11 shy of second-place Johnny “E-Brake” Craig Rosengarten — a subplot the show will presumably track in future weeks. The show closed on a festive, loose note, with callers wishing the hosts a Merry Christmas and the hosts cheerfully navigating the deliberately absurd phone calls that are a hallmark of The Ticket’s E-Brake segment.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.