The Musers — 2025-12-19

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, December 19, 2025

📋 Segments This Day

• Mushmouth Thomas The Musers 12112025
• Observation Deck The Musers 12112025
• Touchdown Bros The Musers 1292025
• Infrastructure Man The Musers 1292025
• Observation Deck The Musers 1292025
• Fake Santa Claus The Musers 1282025

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

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Segments in This Portion

• Mushmouth Thomas (timestamp 00:00:00): A recurring Musers Christmas tradition bit in which Gordo voices an absurdist creature character named Mushmouth Thomas, who visits the studio, shares a wildly irreverent retelling of the Nativity story from a Mushmouth perspective, and distributes bizarre Christmas gifts to the hosts.
• Observation Deck (timestamp 00:00:00): Gordo’s regular solo segment, sponsored by Tylock-GeorgeICare, in which he recaps highlights from the previous day’s White Elephant Day broadcast, including a lengthy and colorful story about co-worker “Davey” having a bathroom accident in a grocery store, tangents about the movie *Along Came Polly*, and reflections on Disney character voices.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Mushmouth Thomas Christmas Visit (00:00:00–00:07:14): The entire Mushmouth segment is a Gordo comedic set piece. Highlights include:
• Mushmouth’s retelling of the Nativity story, in which the Star of Bethlehem was actually a Mushmouth illuminating its tail to find a mate, leading “stupid dumb wise men” to “baby Cheesaw”
• Mushmouth claiming his father was both his father and mother simultaneously due to parthenogenesis
• The gift exchange, featuring: a stick found near a road (for Craig, who likes cycling), a mud-smeared Blu-ray box set of the Canadian series *Heated Rivalry* (for George/Ja), a Colnago V4 RS bicycle that Mushmouth accidentally ate and passed (for Craig again), what was claimed to be Tom Landry’s burial fedora, a cracked Honda Accord wheel for cycling purposes, and a sack of Mushmouth’s own dung with individually dated Ziploc baggies as “party favors”
• Mushmouth announcing he will be lead reindeer for Santa via shapeshifting, but warning he may eat one of the other reindeer
• Mushmouth’s farewell: *”Merry Creamer”* repeated several times

• Observation Deck — Davey’s Grocery Store Incident (00:01:10 onward): Gordo recounts that during the previous day’s noon-to-three shift at the White Elephant Day remote, co-worker “Davey” had his second known grocery store bathroom accident, this time with his young child locked in the stall with him. Key details included: something tumbling down Davey’s leg and lodging in the cuff of his sweatpants, Davey abandoning his underwear at the bottom of a trash receptacle, and then arriving home to host a party for the Iron Bowl still wearing the soiled sweatpants — which his 16-year-old daughter noticed, asking if he had sat in mud.

• The burning sweatpants riff: Gordo and George riff on the image of Davey ceremonially burning his sweatpants in the backyard, with the fire department repeatedly showing up and Davey unable to explain why the fire won’t go out.

• Along Came Polly tangent (00:03:49 onward): The Davey story prompted a tangent about the Ben Stiller/Jennifer Aniston film *Along Came Polly*, which the hosts called “possibly the most underrated comedy of all time.” They praised Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character Sandy Lyle and discussed the toilet overflow scene. Gordo accidentally repeated a plot detail George had just shared, leading to a brief self-aware exchange.

• Disney voice tangent (00:09:09 onward): A digression into Donald Duck’s voice, prompted by a White Elephant Day talent show contestant who could do the Donald Duck voice. Gordo revealed that when The Outfield (the band known for “Your Love”) visited The Ticket, lead singer Tony spent the entire interview answering only in Donald Duck voice, which drove Gordo to panic-laughing. George noted that Gordo’s instruments were being used and it was a big moment for him. Both hosts mourned that members of The Outfield have since passed away. The hosts debated the merits of Mickey Mouse vs. Donald Duck vs. Goofy voices, with Gordo concluding Walt Disney didn’t anticipate Donald Duck becoming a major character.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Dallas Stars: Briefly mentioned — Stars coach Glenn Gullet (“Gully”) was interviewed during White Elephant Day. He was peppered with questions from hosts doing impressions of Avery Johnson, Michael Irvin, Nick Saban, and Wade Phillips. George noted it was either a highlight or lowlight of his shift. The Donald Duck voice tangent also referenced a fan asking (in Donald Duck voice) for Stars tickets.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Mushmouth Thomas: A long-running Musers Christmas character voiced by Gordo; described as a rare creature with shapeshifting ability, an unusual anatomy, and a fondness for “Creamer” (their version of Christmas). The bit includes recurring Mushmouth mythology built up over years.
• “Creamer”: The Mushmouth/Ticket universe word for Christmas.
• White Elephant Day: Described as one of the biggest days on The Ticket’s annual calendar, with listeners reportedly taking the day off to listen. This was the first time it was done as a remote broadcast.
• Davey’s bathroom incidents: Presented as a recurring story — this was explicitly described as his second known grocery store accident.
• The Outfield visiting The Ticket: Apparently a well-known story among long-time listeners, with Gordo recounting his frustration at Tony answering only in Donald Duck voice.

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Summary

This portion of The Musers opens with one of the show’s beloved annual Christmas traditions: a visit from Mushmouth Thomas, a Gordo-voiced absurdist creature character. In the bit, Mushmouth delivers an irreverent reimagining of the Nativity story in which his ancestor’s glowing tail was mistaken for the Star of Bethlehem, leading wise men to “baby Cheesaw.” He then distributes gifts ranging from a found roadside stick to a high-end bicycle he accidentally digested and passed, and a sack of his own dung presented as individually dated holiday party favors. The segment closes with Mushmouth announcing he will serve as lead reindeer for Santa via shapeshifting, though he can’t guarantee the safety of the other reindeer.

The Observation Deck segment is a Gordo solo piece recapping the previous day’s White Elephant Day, which made history as The Ticket’s first-ever remote broadcast for the event, held at Meyers Garden in the Knox-Henderson area of Dallas. The dominant story from Gordo’s noon-to-three shift was co-worker Davey’s second grocery store bathroom accident, told in escalating and increasingly graphic detail — including his young child being present, the abandonment of soiled underwear in a trash can, and the eventual discovery by his teenage daughter that the sweatpants he never changed were visibly stained. The hosts riffed at length on this story, including an extended and enthusiastic tangent about the similar toilet scene in *Along Came Polly*, which they praised as a criminally underrated comedy.

The segment closes with brief recaps from George and Craig about their respective White Elephant Day highlights — George noted the Stars coach interview with characters and a talent show bit involving a Donald Duck impersonator — which sent the hosts into a lengthy digression about Donald Duck’s voice, its unintelligibility, and Gordo’s lingering frustration over an interview with The Outfield’s Tony in which the musician refused to break character from the Donald Duck voice for the entire segment. Both hosts paused to mourn the passing of members of The Outfield before Craig wrapped up by citing the white elephant gift exchange and a hypotheticals segment as his personal highlights of the day.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Segment Analysis: The Musers — December 19, 2025 (Middle Portion)

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Segments in This Portion

• Touchdown Bros (~8:43 AM): A Gordo comedy bit parodying a fictional Philadelphia sports radio morning show called “Touchdown Brothers.” Set in the aftermath of the Eagles’ overtime loss to the Chargers (their third straight loss), the bit features fake hosts “Jimmy Amendola” and “Tony Raghu,” a recurring segment called “He Needs to Be Ripped,” a fake sponsor (Antonio’s Cheese Steak and Transmission Shop), and a call-in from a ridiculous Philly superfan named “Sal from South Philly.”

• Infrastructure Man (~7:40 AM, aired earlier in the show order): A Gordo superhero character bit in which “Infrastructure Man” interrupts a Craig Miller WNBA mock draft segment. The character claims to be a globe-trotting infrastructure superhero romantically linked to Black Widow, involved in AI buildout, and featured in a potential HBO Max docuseries now threatened by a Netflix merger.

• Unnamed/Transitional Segment (Would You Rather): A brief pre-segment discussion (timestamped ~12:26 in the raw transcript, likely from a prior segment’s tail end) involving a crude “Would You Rather” question about a goat, with the hosts debating whether to actually do the act secretly vs. letting everyone think you did it and monetizing the notoriety.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Eagles losing streak: The Eagles’ third straight loss, an overtime defeat to the Los Angeles Chargers on Monday Night Football, is the springboard for the Touchdown Bros bit
• Cowboys playoff hopes: Mentioned briefly — the Eagles’ loss keeps Dallas “at least breathing” for another week (~00:00:07 in Touchdown Bros segment)
• Jalen Hurts criticism: The fictional Philly hosts roast Hurts for four interceptions, a fumble, and five total turnovers; one character jokes he’d take “44-year-old Philip Rivers” over Hurts right now
• AJ Brown criticized: Called out in the “He Needs to Be Ripped” segment for dropping passes
• Nick Sirianni mocked: The fictional hosts suggest firing him and replacing him with Dom DiSandro; the caller suggests bringing back Doug Pederson
• WNBA Mock Draft (framing device): Craig Miller (Junior) attempts to present a WNBA mock draft; mentions the Dallas Wings holding the No. 1 overall pick and selecting “Ozzy Fudd, Paige Becker’s girlfriend”; mentions Olivia Miles going third to Seattle; the segment is derailed before it can be completed
• Cowboys/Brian Schottenheimer: Infrastructure Man casually asks if “Shoddy” (Schottenheimer) has had a good first year; George confirms he thinks so, noting the Cowboys are 6-6 and 1
• Micah Parsons contract: Briefly referenced as something Infrastructure Man claimed involvement in (~00:05:10)
• Notre Dame playoff omission: Infrastructure Man throws out a joking reference to Notre Dame being “left out of the playoff” (~00:07:34), which George pushes back on as off-topic (Note: this appears to be a fictional/comedic premise within the bit, as Notre Dame was not actually left out of the 2024-25 CFP)
• Texas Longhorns/Cheez-It Bowl: Infrastructure Man mentions heading to Austin to meet with Steve Sarkisian, who texted that he’d “rather talk infrastructure than get ready for the Cheez-It Bowl”

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• “Goat Force One”: In the Would You Rather tail-end discussion, one host jokes that if you monetized the goat reputation, you’d be “flying in Goat Force One all over America” (~00:13:14)
• Touchdown Brothers entire bit: Sustained parody of overwrought Philly sports radio; highlights include:
• The fake sponsor “Antonio’s Cheese Steak and Transmission Shop — corner Will Smith at Rocky Balboa Drive”
• Jimmy giving out his unemployed sister’s email: “hornytrishitprotonmail.com”
• Sal from South Philly saying Hurts “can’t hold the candles to Jaws or Randles or Nick’s Foles or Donovan’s McNabs” and demanding they trade for “Shadur’s Sanders”
• Sal calling in sick to work six times in one day from his job at “Sonny’s Cheese Steaks” while simultaneously trashing the cheesesteaks
• Caller Sal suggesting Sirianni “jump off the Liberty Bell”
• The teaser for the next fictional segment: an e-book of Harold Carmichael fan fiction in which Harold gets involved with “the sexy ghost of Ed Narek, much to the consternation of Fletcher Cox”
• Infrastructure Man:
• “A city without sound infrastructure is a city that doesn’t have very good infrastructure” — his signature profound-sounding tautology
• Claims he “can fly commercial, usually coach unless I cash in some miles” and can “shoot lightning from my fingertips” (corrected: “that’s thunder”)
• Says tell Craig “six-seven, dog” — “he’ll get it”
• Ranked 49th among superheroes — “one ahead of Silver Surfer, one behind Martian Manhunter”
• Complains Black Widow “wears me out in bed” and “I’ve never been with a dominatrix but this feels really close”
• Compares wanting to date Wonder Woman to “what Tony Romo did with Jessica Simpson — just put it out there publicly”
• Claims to have been at the White House for the AI infrastructure announcement — plays a Trump audio clip that cuts off just before the president would have said “Infrastructure Man”
• Mentions working with “Matty Parker, Eric Johnson, Michael Irvin, and Skip Schumacher” on Metroplex infrastructure (Michael Irvin and Skip Schumacher are obviously not local elected officials, making this a subtle joke)
• Leaves to catch an American Eagle flight to Austin to meet with Sark about the Edwards Aquifer

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• George (in the Infrastructure Man bit) defends Wonder Woman as a superhero; Gordo (as Infrastructure Man) dismisses her as “overrated” (~00:06:37)
• Mild comic tension throughout Infrastructure Man as the hosts keep correcting him that it’s a “radio show,” not a podcast

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Phone Callers

• Sal from South Philly (fictional, within the Touchdown Brothers bit): A parody of an irate Philadelphia sports fan; calls in to trash Jalen Hurts, demand a trade for “Shadur’s Sanders,” and suggest Nick Sirianni jump off the Liberty Bell; says he’s calling out sick from his job as a line cook at Sonny’s Cheese Steaks

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• AI infrastructure/Stargate: The Infrastructure Man bit riffs on real news — Trump’s announcement of a major AI infrastructure investment — with Gordo’s character inserting himself into the press conference
• Netflix/HBO Max merger: Infrastructure Man worries his HBO Max docuseries will be canceled if Netflix acquires the platform (~00:05:26–00:05:50)
• Marvel/DC superheroes: Extended riffing on the superhero universe — Black Widow, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Supergirl, Silver Surfer, Martian Manhunter, the Avengers
• Tony Romo/Jessica Simpson: Referenced as a model for “publicly trolling for a relationship” (~00:06:42)
• Would You Rather (goat bit): Crude philosophical debate about reputation vs. integrity, eventually devolving into jokes about monetizing infamy

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3-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the December 19 Musers opens (in broadcast order) with the Infrastructure Man bit at the 7:40 AM hour, a recurring Gordo character who crashes Craig Miller’s attempted WNBA mock draft. The superhero parody is rich with absurdist detail: Infrastructure Man is ranked 49th among superheroes, is romantically exhausted by Black Widow, wants to shoot his shot at Wonder Woman the way Tony Romo did with Jessica Simpson, and is worried his HBO Max docuseries is in jeopardy due to the Netflix merger. He casually drops references to real infrastructure projects (California High-Speed Rail, the Hudson Tunnel, the Edwards Aquifer) alongside fictional ones (the Micah Parsons deal, fixing potholes near Lambeau). The bit climaxes with a Trump audio clip that conveniently cuts off before the president can say “Infrastructure Man,” and ends with him flying off in a burnt-orange UT sweatshirt to meet Steve Sarkisian, who apparently prefers infrastructure talk to Cheez-It Bowl prep. Craig returns just in time to have no time left for his mock draft.

The Touchdown Brothers bit at 8:43 AM is an extended, fully-produced parody of Philadelphia sports radio in the wake of the Eagles’ third straight loss — an overtime defeat to the Chargers on Monday Night Football. The fictional morning show “Touchdown Brothers” features hosts Jimmy Amendola and Tony Raghu, who run their weekly “He Needs to Be Ripped” segment torching Jalen Hurts (five turnovers, “we’ve been playing this game for 300 years”), AJ Brown (drops, attitude), the Eagles fans (not loud enough), and Nick Sirianni (suggested replacement: Dom DiSandro). A caller named Sal from South Philly adds to the chaos, calling in sick to his cheese steak job, demanding a trade for “Shadur’s Sanders,” and suggesting Sirianni jump off the Liberty Bell — before closing with “Does Jalen Hurd suck or what?” The segment is capped with a teaser for an upcoming fictional guest promoting Harold Carmichael fan fiction involving the ghost of Ed Narek and Fletcher Cox.

Bookending the main segment content is a brief, crude tail from what appears to be a prior segment — a “Would You Rather” discussion about a goat that devolves into debate about whether you’d rather secretly commit an unspeakable act or let the world falsely think you did and monetize the infamy (“Goat Force One”). The hosts — apparently Gordo, George, and a third — reason through the social consequences: dating prospects, children’s opinions, and the upside of becoming the world’s most famous goat-adjacent celebrity. It’s a small but representative slice of the show’s willingness to go somewhere absurd between sports segments and linger there long enough to make it funny.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — Final Portion (2025-12-19)

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Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck (sponsored by Tilelock George Icare, hosted by Gordo): A roundup of odd and amusing news stories, including the GameStop “trade anything” promotion gone wrong, a woman hospitalized after a Samsung smart fridge ad triggered a schizophrenic episode, and an update on the escaped Mississippi highway monkeys.

• Fake Santa Claus (annual holiday tradition segment): Gordo voices a deeply dysfunctional, darkly comedic “Santa Claus” who calls in from the “North Pole” for the show’s yearly Christmas bit, covering his crypto losses, marital troubles, DWI sleigh crash, and various inappropriate holiday updates.

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• [Observation Deck ~00:01:00] — Gordo goes on a tangent about how the bird has always been called a “Canadian goose” in his experience but is now universally called a “Canada goose,” and wonders if the luxury outerwear brand Canada Goose is responsible for the shift. Craig checks Wikipedia mid-segment and confirms “Canada goose” is technically correct, adding that calling it a “Canadian goose” “annoys some birders.” Gordo: *”Oh, we can’t do that.”*

• [Observation Deck ~00:03:00] — Craig jokes that one of the bald eagles at White Rock Lake is hard to spot “because he’s wearing a toupee,” and Gordo adds it’s “orange” and “doesn’t quite match up” — a clear Trump joke played very casually.

• [Observation Deck ~00:04:00–00:11:00] — The list of bizarre GameStop trade-ins: a stuffed Canada goose, a single plastic spoon, a gas mask, a folded copy of the Declaration of Independence, an incomplete Friends VHS box set, a custom Sonic the Hedgehog sex toy, “A Ticket to Pound Town” coupon, and a fake PS5 game called *Call of Diddy*.

• [Observation Deck ~00:07:00–00:11:00] — The Samsung smart fridge story: a UK woman with schizophrenia was hospitalized after a fridge ad for the Apple TV+ show *Platonic* (Gordo calls it *Pluribus*, Vince Gilligan’s new show) said “We’re sorry if we upset you, Carol” — and her name may also have been Carol. Gordo’s dark punchline: the hospital showed her the show to bring her back to reality, and Rhea Seehorn’s “overacting” is what convinced the woman it wasn’t real.

• [Observation Deck ~00:11:00] — The escaped Mississippi highway monkeys update: one named Forrest has found a permanent home in New Jersey. Gordo notes five of the 21 monkeys were “gunned down by law enforcement at the scene.” The segment ends on confusion over how to pronounce “macaque” and “capuchin.”

• [Fake Santa ~full segment] — Gordo’s “Santa” bit is an extended, increasingly unhinged dark comedy routine:
• Santa hit it big in Bitcoin (124K) then got liquidated on 3X leverage and stood on a rooftop with a .357, talked down by cops
• Santa and Mrs. Claus went through an open marriage that backfired — Mrs. Claus’s outside companion was revealed to be Ron Artest (Metta World Peace): *”She’s big into world peace. I just didn’t know what she meant by it.”*
• The “elves” are reframed as Chinese sweatshop workers; Santa says he’ll say hi to them once he learns Mandarin
• Santa crashed his sleigh drunk (got a bartender to blow into his ignition interlock), rear-ended a Buick, totaled it, and bought a top-of-the-line Escalade financed over 85 years
• All reindeer are now on unemployment
• Something happens to Rudolph mid-segment (the audio is unclear/comedically obscured), leading to: *”Kids, always have Narcan on you. Always.”*
• Santa wraps up by blaming a prostate tumor on children not believing in Christmas enough

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Notable Quotes

• Gordo [Observation Deck]: *”You can’t have fun events anymore.”* — on GameStop’s disastrous “trade anything” promotion.
• Gordo as Santa: *”Never leverage a 3X. Old Santa found out the hard way. Ho ho ho.”*
• Gordo as Santa: *”She’s big into world peace. I just didn’t know what she meant by it when she told me.”* (on Mrs. Claus and Ron Artest)
• Gordo as Santa: *”When we say elves these days, it’s kind of an umbrella term to mean Chinese workers.”*
• George [end of Fake Santa]: *”I don’t think that was him. I really don’t think that was him.”*

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The Fake Santa segment served as the closing segment of this portion of the show. George repeatedly tried to cut off “Santa” as the bit escalated in darkness, finally declaring *”You’re done”* and signing off with *”Merry Christmas, Santa.”* George’s closing line — *”I don’t think that was him. I really don’t think that was him”* — served as a winking acknowledgment of the bit’s absurdity, keeping the kayfabe alive just barely.

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3-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the December 19th Musers opened with Gordo’s Observation Deck, a wide-ranging collection of strange news. The centerpiece was GameStop’s disastrous “trade anything for store credit” promotion, which was immediately exploited by internet trolls and content creators who brought in items ranging from sex toys to a single plastic spoon to a fake game called *Call of Diddy*. Gordo also covered a UK woman with schizophrenia who was hospitalized after her Samsung smart fridge displayed an ad for Vince Gilligan’s new Apple TV+ show that said “We’re sorry if we upset you, Carol” — a phrase that, paired with her possible name being Carol, triggered a breakdown. This led to a spirited sidebar debate about the show itself (*Pluribus*), with Gordo critiquing Rhea Seehorn’s acting while Craig defended it. The segment ended with a celebration that one of the escaped Mississippi highway monkeys, now named Forrest, had found a permanent home in New Jersey.

The show’s final segment was the annual Fake Santa bit, one of the Musers’ longstanding holiday traditions, with Gordo voicing a thoroughly broken-down Santa Claus. This version of Santa had a harrowing year: he lost everything on leveraged Bitcoin trades, stood on a building with a gun, got through it with opioids, crashed his sleigh drunk while trying to defeat an ignition interlock, financed an Escalade over 85 years, and put his reindeer on unemployment. He also revealed that his and Mrs. Claus’s open marriage had collapsed after she developed a preference for Ron Artest (Metta World Peace), and that his “elves” are Chinese sweatshop workers whose union he suppressed. The bit grew increasingly dark, culminating in something happening to Rudolph (played for comedic audio chaos), a Narcan PSA, and Santa threatening kids with a prostate tumor if they don’t believe in Christmas.

George served as the straight man throughout, repeatedly trying to redirect or shut down “Santa” as the bit escalated beyond the pale. The segment — and the show — ended with George’s signature deadpan conclusion: *”I don’t think that was him. I really don’t think that was him,”* perfectly encapsulating the Musers’ long tradition of absurdist holiday humor where everyone plays along just enough to make the chaos funnier. It was a strong, characteristically irreverent close to the final show before Christmas week, with Gordo at his darkly comedic best and the rest of the crew gamely feeding the bit to its logical extreme.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.