The Musers — 2026-01-27

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Tuesday, January 27, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Fake Luka
• Odeck
• Fake Luka
• Odeck
• Observation Deck
• Michael Irvin School Closings

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — 2026-01-27 (Portions: Fake Luka, Odeck)

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Segments in This Portion

• Fake Luka [00:00:00]: A comedic bit in which Gordo (or a performer) plays a fake “Luka Doncic” calling into the Ticket hotline to discuss his return to American Airlines Center as a Laker. The character speaks with an exaggerated Texas twang, makes absurd country-fried observations, riffs on the Dallas cold snap, takes shots at Nico Harrison, compliments Cooper Flagg with backhanded contempt, and makes a self-aware joke about immigration politics.

• Odeck (Observation Deck) [00:00:00 of second segment]: Gordo’s regular solo/group commentary segment, sponsored by Timelock. Topics included icy road conditions, gay pandas in China, “gate lice” at airports, and airplane seating preferences — all loosely connected by Gordo’s digressive style.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Mavericks/Luka Doncic [Fake Luka segment]: Discussion of Luka’s second return to AAC as a Laker, the packed crowd cheering for him despite him being on the opposing team, and fans chanting “MVP.” The bit also touches on Nico Harrison being fired, Cooper Flagg’s promising rookie season, and the Mavericks’ poor record despite Flagg’s individual performance.

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Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• Cooper Flagg vs. Luka legacy [Fake Luka, ~00:03:45]: The fake Luka dismisses Cooper Flagg, asking sarcastically whether Flagg’s “good things” included giving the Mavs a good record. George pushes back, noting Flagg has done things few teenage rookies have done and looks like a future superstar.
• Gate lice debate [Odeck, ~00:09:00–00:14:00]: George accuses Gordo of being a gate lice offender himself — jumping the boarding queue — while Gordo deflects and insists he’s never seen gate lice behavior. The hosts go back and forth on aisle vs. window seats, with Craig noting his adult-onset fear of flying keeps him near the window.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Fake Luka’s country idioms [~00:00:55]: The Luka character drops absurd Texas expressions — *”busier than a moth in a mitten”* and *”chilly enough to freeze a smile off a scarecrow”* and *”cold as a mother-in-law’s stare.”*
• Luka on defense [~00:02:47]: *”Defense is my precious rest-complaining time. That’s what I call it.”*
• Luka on triple-doubles [~00:04:05]: *”I had a lot of triple-doubles when I was in Dallas. Now, most of those were cheeseburgers.”* — referring to his well-documented weight issues.
• Luka on immigration [~00:06:40]: The bit takes a sharp satirical turn when Fake Luka praises immigration crackdowns, then is immediately called out by George: *”Luca, you mean like you did? You’re not from this country.”* Luka responds that he’s now a *”naturally born Texan”* who went through *”a rebirthing experience.”*
• Luka hoping Nico’s pipes burst [~00:05:58]: *”I hope he’s got a big old plumber’s bill. And I hope the plumber that comes and fixes his pipes shows the biggest ass crack when he bends down.”*
• Gay pandas transition [Odeck, ~00:01:39]: Gordo pivots from icy road talk with *”But let’s talk about gay pandas”* — described as *”a very natural transition.”*
• Gordo’s tombstone joke [~00:02:24]: After George notes Gordo talks about gay animals constantly, Gordo says he wants *”talked about a gay kangaroo”* on his tombstone, followed by just his dates.
• Gordo as gate lice [~00:08:30]: Craig calls Gordo out directly — *”You always board with first-class even though you’re group eight and coach”* — and Gordo responds that he barrels into the jetway *”as if the boarding agent was a matador and I’m running for the Cape.”*
• P1 Southwest prank callback [~00:14:04]: Gordo recalls a beloved moment when P1 listeners arranged for his name to be called to board *before* active military, elderly nuns, and other priority groups — poking fun at his gate lice behavior.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• “Fake Luka”: A recurring comedic character — an exaggerated, country-fied version of Luka Doncic — used to riff on Mavericks storylines.
• Gordo as gate lice: Appears to be an ongoing inside joke, with George and Craig having accused Gordo of this behavior before. The Southwest P1 prank [~00:14:04] is recalled as a classic Ticket moment.
• Gordo’s gay animal stories: George explicitly calls this out as a recurring Gordo bit [~00:01:53], noting *”four times a month we get a gay kangaroo or something.”*
• “Better Off Dead” / “16 Candles” digression: A brief tangent about 80s films and the character Long Duk Dong, with Gordo expressing distaste for the ethnic stereotyping while the others defend the films as funny products of their time.
• Gordo’s parents calling him a button-pusher: Gordo recalls his mother always saying he tried to *”get a rise out of people”* [~00:07:35] — offered as self-aware context for his provocateur tendencies.
• The Ticket traveling to the Super Bowl: Mentioned as upcoming [~00:07:47], which is why the gate lice/airplane discussion is timely.

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Summary

The first segment features the recurring “Fake Luka” comedic bit, in which a performer portrays an absurdly Texan-accented Luka Doncic calling into the Ticket hotline to reflect on his second return to American Airlines Center as a Laker. The bit lands its best jokes around Luka’s well-known issues — his weight (“most of my triple-doubles were cheeseburgers”), his lack of defensive effort (“defense is my precious rest-complaining time”), and his bitter feelings toward the Mavericks organization following his trade. The character also takes pointed digs at Nico Harrison (hoping his pipes burst), dismisses Cooper Flagg with petty jealousy, and in a sharp satirical turn, advocates for immigration restrictions before being reminded by George that he himself is a foreign-born player who came to America and took a high-paying job.

The Observation Deck segment begins with brief discussion of the ongoing Dallas winter weather and the icy road conditions keeping people home. Gordo then pivots with characteristic absurdism to a story about two men in China being detained for spreading fake information that two male giant pandas had successfully mated and produced offspring — a story that gives Gordo an excuse to revisit one of his apparent recurring obsessions: gay animals. George and Craig good-naturedly mock him for this habit, and Gordo responds with a self-aware riff about his mother always accusing him of trying to “get a rise” out of people.

The segment closes with an extended discussion about “gate lice” — the term for airline passengers who crowd the boarding area before their group is called — prompted by the crew’s upcoming Super Bowl travel. George and Craig waste little time turning the topic on Gordo himself, accusing him of being a habitual gate lice offender who boards with first class while holding a group eight coach ticket. Gordo deflects skillfully while describing his boarding style as charging the jetway “like a matador’s cape.” The group then digresses into aisle vs. window seat preferences, Craig’s adult-onset fear of flying, and a fondly recalled moment when P1 listeners arranged for Gordo’s name to be called before active military and elderly nuns on a Southwest flight — a classic bit of Ticket community mischief aimed squarely at Gordo’s self-importance.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — 2026-01-27 (Middle Portion)

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Segments in This Portion

• Fake Luka (starts at 00:00:00 of that segment): A comedic bit in which Gordo (or a performer) voices an obviously fake “Luka Doncic” calling in to the show, speaking with an exaggerated Texas country accent. The fake Luka discussed his return to Dallas as a Laker, his disdain for Cooper Flagg, his nostalgia for his land in Boyd, Texas, his enjoyment of L.A. life, and his thoughts on immigration — all played for laughs.

• Odeck (Observation Deck) (starts at 00:00:00 of that segment): Gordo’s signature segment covering several loosely connected topics — icy road conditions in DFW, gay pandas in China, gate lice at airports, and airline seating preferences ahead of the crew’s Super Bowl trip.

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Observation Deck

Topics covered by Gordo:

• DFW winter weather / icy roads (~00:00:00–00:01:40): George described trying to drive on his street, finding it completely iced over and barely navigable. Gordo joked about driving through someone’s pasture to reach a highway. Gordo also noted lots of people wandering around outside “like zombies.”
• Gay pandas in China (~00:01:43–00:06:47): Chinese authorities detained two men (identified by surnames Gow and Dong) for allegedly spreading false information — specifically a fake screenshot claiming two male giant pandas had successfully mated in the wild and produced offspring. Chinese state media (Global Times) denied both the mating claim and any suggestion of same-sex behavior. Gordo mused that pandas could plausibly be bisexual, which predictably got a reaction from George. George accused Gordo of doing animal stories specifically to get a rise out of people, which Gordo half-denied, recalling that his own mother used to say the same thing about him.
• Gate lice / airline boarding (~00:07:47–00:14:44): Gordo introduced the term “gate lice” — people who crowd the boarding area and jump their group. He noted American Airlines now scans boarding passes and alerts agents when someone boards out of group. Discussion turned to why people do it (overhead bin space), a traveler’s workaround of using a soft-sided bag that fits under the seat, and annoyances like passengers who stand up immediately after landing. The hosts also debated window vs. aisle seats ahead of their upcoming Super Bowl trip — George and Gordo both switched to aisle seats, while Craig said he keeps the window partly due to adult-onset fear of flying (it helps him confirm the plane isn’t crashing). The segment ended mid-conversation referencing a Key & Peel sketch about airline boarding groups.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Luka Doncic’s return to Dallas (Fake Luka segment): Luka’s second game back at American Airlines Center as a Laker on Saturday. The AAC was packed despite winter weather, with fans overwhelmingly cheering for Luka and chanting MVP rather than rooting for the home team.
• Cooper Flagg: The fake Luka dismissively asked the hosts to “put Cooper Flagg in his place” and tell him he’s not that great. George pushed back, noting Flagg has done things few rookies — especially as a teenager — have done, and looks like a future superstar. Fake Luka countered by pointing out the Mavs’ record hasn’t improved.
• Nico Harrison: Referenced as having been fired from the Mavericks. Fake Luka expressed satisfaction and hoped Flagg’s (apparently still Dallas-residing) pipes would burst in the cold.
• Dallas Mavericks point guard situation: Fake Luka joked that with Nico gone, there’s an open point guard job in Dallas and he might consider taking it back.

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• Window seat vs. aisle seat (~00:11:00–00:13:40): A lighthearted but genuine debate. Gordo traditionally takes the window to lean against and sleep but is switching to aisle for the Super Bowl trip. George switched due to claustrophobia — the window used to help him feel less hemmed in but no longer counterbalances being trapped. Craig prefers aisle for legroom and access but keeps window for fear-of-flying reassurance.
• Gate lice — is Gordo one? (~00:08:13–00:09:57): George flatly accused Gordo of being a gate lice himself, saying he boards with first class despite being in group eight. Gordo denied it but acknowledged he barrels toward the jetway “as if the boarding agent was a matador.”
• Gay pandas / Gordo’s button-pushing: George accused Gordo of doing these animal stories purely to get a reaction, which Gordo playfully denied before admitting his mother always said the same thing about him.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• Fake Luka’s Texas-ified expressions (Fake Luka segment): “Busier than a moth in a mitten,” “cold enough to freeze a smile off a scarecrow,” “cold as a mother-in-law’s stare.”
• Fake Luka on defense: “Defense is my precious rest-complaining time.” (~00:02:51)
• Fake Luka on triple-doubles: “I had a lot of triple-doubles when I was in Dallas. Most of those were cheeseburgers.” (~00:04:08)
• Fake Luka on moving DFW: “Why don’t they just move DFW down to the Bahamas? This is bad city planning.” (~00:02:02)
• Fake Luka goes political: Claims to support immigration restrictions despite being a Slovenian immigrant, saying he went through “a rebirthing experience so that I could be born in Texas” and is “naturally born Texan.” (~00:07:05)
• Fake Luka on Nico: “I hope his pipes burst… and I hope the plumber that comes shows the biggest ass crack when he bends down.” (~00:06:07)
• Gordo on boarding planes: “I barrel straight into the jetway as if the boarding agent was a matador and I’m running for the Cape.” (~00:08:36)
• Gordo on tombstone: After Craig mentioned the gay kangaroo story, Gordo said: “I want that on my tombstone — ‘Talked about a gay kangaroo’ — and then just the dates.” (~00:02:24)
• Gordo on standing up after landing: Describes the frustration of standing up for a fellow passenger who then spends 15 minutes reorganizing their seat before actually going to the bathroom “to drop off your grossness.” (~00:12:10)

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Pop Culture, Music, or Non-Sports Topics Discussed

• Key & Peele airline boarding sketch: Referenced at the very end of the transcript — a sketch about a man repeatedly passed over for boarding because every conceivable group (including “disabled babies”) gets to board before him. (~00:14:44)
• Better Off Dead (1985): Debated vs. *16 Candles* — specifically the two Asian characters who learned English exclusively from Howard Cosell and ABC’s Wide World of Sports, driving around in gold ABC Sports blazers with a PA system on the car roof. Gordo preferred *Better Off Dead*; Craig noted it was directed by Savage Steve Holland. (~00:04:30–00:05:56)
• Long Duk Dong / 16 Candles: Gordo expressed that the character missed the mark for him and “betrayed” the audience; Craig and Craig defended it as a funny, great, underrated character. (~00:04:01)
• Super Bowl trip: The hosts referenced an upcoming trip to the Super Bowl to cover it for P1s (Ticket listeners), which prompted the airline seating conversation. (~00:07:47)

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Summary

This portion of the January 27, 2026 Musers opens with the “Fake Luka” segment, a comedic call-in bit featuring a clearly fictional Luka Doncic who has gone full Texas country — complete with folksy aphorisms, nostalgia for his land in Boyd, Texas, and gripes about DFW’s recurring winter weather. The bit covers Luka’s warm reception back at the AAC, his dismissiveness toward Cooper Flagg (whom he’d like the hosts to “put in his place”), his gleeful reaction to Nico Harrison’s firing, and a detour into Los Angeles nightlife before ending with a satirical riff on immigration politics — Luka declaring himself a “naturally born Texan” via “rebirthing experience” while supporting border closures. It’s a sharp, well-executed piece of character comedy, with George and Craig playing straight men to the absurdity.

The Observation Deck opens with a brief and relatable commiseration about DFW’s icy roads — George attempted to drive on his street and found it a complete sheet of ice — before pivoting abruptly to Gordo’s signature odd-news territory: two Chinese men arrested for spreading a fake story about gay male pandas successfully mating in the wild. The story spirals into a broader conversation about whether pandas can be bisexual, which George correctly identifies as Gordo doing what he always does — finding animal sexuality stories to provoke a reaction. Gordo responds that his mother used to say the same thing, and he still doesn’t see what everyone is talking about.

The Odeck closes with a lively discussion about airport gate lice — the phenomenon of people crowding the boarding lane before their group is called — which Gordo frames as a broader societal observation but which George immediately turns back on Gordo, accusing him of being one himself. The conversation broadens into a genuine debate about window vs. aisle seating ahead of the crew’s upcoming Super Bowl trip, with each host’s reasoning revealing something about their personalities: George’s claustrophobia, Gordo’s desire to sleep against the window vs. his need to escape, and Craig’s adult-onset fear of flying, which keeps him tethered to the window for visual reassurance. The segment ends mid-story on a Key & Peele sketch about airline boarding, leaving the show on a warm, comedic note.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — Final Portion (2026-01-27)

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Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck [00:00:00]: Gordo’s regular opening observational segment. Topics included the unusual sight of people walking around neighborhoods during the winter storm, an NFL “conspiracy” about a September graphic that appeared to predict the Super Bowl matchup (Sam Darnold and Drake May closest to the Lombardi Trophy), a story about a cat named Feelu who traveled 250 kilometers back home over five months, and a tangent about humans’ deteriorating sense of direction and memory due to reliance on technology.

• Michael Irvin School Closings [00:00:00 in second block]: A recurring Musers comedy bit in which a voice portraying Michael Irvin calls in to deliver DFW school and business closings during winter weather. This version featured Irvin performing a melancholy fingerpicked folk song — set to John Prine’s “I Remember Everything” — to deliver the closings, with the framing that Irvin was deeply depressed after the national championship game loss.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Super Bowl matchup [Observation Deck, ~00:00:33]: George mentions New England (Patriots) advancing to the Super Bowl to face Seattle after beating the Broncos in Denver, with a note that the AFC Championship discussion would come at 6:55.
• NFL “scripted” conspiracy [~00:04:22–00:09:00]: Gordo brought up an official NFL graphic released September 4th titled “32 teams with February dreams,” noting that Sam Darnold and Drake May appeared closest to the Lombardi Trophy in the image — the two QBs now in the Super Bowl. George and the other hosts debated whether it was a genuine conspiracy or a coincidence/misreading of the graphic’s perspective.
• College Football National Championship [Michael Irvin segment]: Michael Irvin’s character is devastated, heavily implied to be over a Miami (or his favored team’s) loss — specifically referencing Fernando Mendoza and Indiana, suggesting Miami lost to Indiana in the national championship game.

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Strong Predictions or Bold Takes

• Gordo leaned into the NFL conspiracy framing, suggesting that questionable officiating throughout the season may have been used to “nudge” outcomes to match the September graphic. George pushed back firmly, calling it a strange coincidence at most. [~00:06:38–00:09:03]

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Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

• Bunker Tortoise check-in [~00:01:15–00:01:38]: Gordo revealed he had been driving out in the dangerous icy conditions twice a day to check on his tortoise, who lives in an enclosed area at “the Muser’s bunker” with a space heater. This drew immediate mockery from the others.
• Mom dumping the cat story [~00:11:35–00:13:28]: Gordo told a genuinely funny and somewhat dark childhood story about his mother stuffing the neighborhood’s inherited outdoor cat “Mikey” into the back of an Oldsmobile and driving 50 miles into the country to abandon it — only for Mikey to show up at the house a week later, unfazed.
• Fauci’s Butt Boys mic stand [~00:16:13–00:16:35]: Gordo revealed he was broadcasting from home using a mic stand from the pandemic era labeled “Fauci’s Butt Boys,” which had apparently been displayed in the Ticket museum at Ticket Stock.
• Michael Irvin singing school closings to a John Prine melody [Michael Irvin segment, full]: The segment’s centerpiece — a voice portraying a deeply depressed Michael Irvin performing a slow, melancholy fingerpicked folk song to deliver school closings. Irvin’s character claims he was visited in a dream by the late John Prine and “Yoder,” who told him to sing the closings in the key of G. The song included real DFW school districts (Aledo, Coppell, Dallas ISD, Richardson, Grapevine, etc.) woven into the lyrics, ending with a repeated plug for TheTicket.com. The outro showed Irvin mumbling to himself, too sad to even properly sign off.
• Fernando Mendoza callback [~00:01:00, Michael Irvin segment]: When Irvin brought up the national championship game loss, Gordo immediately said “Fernando Mendoza,” causing the character to spiral further into despair — “That’s colder than Bridgeport right now, man.”

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The segment closed with the hosts reacting to the Michael Irvin performance with a mix of concern and amusement. George noted Irvin had “learned how to finger pick” as a sign of true depression. Gordo jokingly apologized for bringing up Fernando Mendoza. The wrap-up at [~00:07:25–00:07:31] directed listeners not to drive their kids to school, with the official word having come from Michael Irvin. The preceding gate lice / Key and Peele tangent [~00:14:07–00:15:14] suggests additional casual conversation followed the two main segments.

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Notable Quotes

• *”The trees straining under the weight of their icy blanket… it was really well written up until that point.”* — Gordo, self-editing mid-Observation Deck [~00:01:12]
• *”Boy, I haven’t seen a human in three days.”* — George, on living far out in the suburbs [~00:02:06]
• *”I think that most teenagers now, if you dump them two blocks over, they couldn’t find their way back home.”* — Gordo [~00:14:03]
• *”That’s colder than Bridgeport right now, man.”* — Michael Irvin character, on being reminded of Fernando Mendoza [~00:01:09]
• *”He’s so depressed that he learned how to finger pick. That’s when you know that you’re really sad.”* — George [~00:07:17]
• *”I’m not going to yell and scream / I’m still too sad about you.”* — Michael Irvin character, sung in the school closings song [~00:05:52]

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the January 27, 2026 Musers broadcast opened with the Observation Deck, Gordo’s signature observational segment, recorded from home during a significant North Texas winter storm that had shut down roads across the Metroplex. Gordo mused on why so many adults were walking around their neighborhoods in the snow, debated a supposed NFL conspiracy involving a September promotional graphic that appeared to predict Sam Darnold and Drake May reaching the Super Bowl, and told a warm story about a cat named Feelu who navigated 250 kilometers across Spain to find his way home — contrasted with a darker childhood anecdote about his mother abandoning the family’s inherited outdoor cat 50 miles away in the country, only for the cat to return a week later. The segment also touched on humans’ eroding navigational instincts and memory in the smartphone era.

The second and final segment was the beloved Michael Irvin School Closings bit, a recurring Musers tradition during winter weather events. In this installment, the Irvin character — voiced with theatrical grief — explained he had been bedridden for a week following a crushing national championship game loss, only roused to duty after being visited in a dream by the late John Prine and station personality Yoder, who told him to deliver the closings in song. What followed was a genuinely committed, fingerpicked folk performance set to Prine’s “I Remember Everything,” with real DFW school districts and universities woven into the lyrics, and a recurring chorus urging listeners to check TheTicket.com for unlisted closings. The song’s emotional core was Irvin’s unresolved grief, with the lyric “I’m not going to yell and scream / I’m still too sad about you” landing as the bit’s emotional punchline.

The hosts closed out this portion in warm, amused fashion — noting with mock concern that Irvin had apparently taught himself to fingerpick guitar as a coping mechanism, and that Gordo’s offhand mention of Fernando Mendoza had sent the Irvin character into a deeper spiral. George gently apologized for the triggering moment, and the show directed listeners to stay off the roads and trust the official word from the Playmaker himself. A brief, casual tag discussion about gate lice, airline boarding, and a Key and Peele sketch followed, suggesting the show was winding toward a break or handoff with the lighthearted energy the Musers typically maintain even through their most elaborate comedy segments.

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.