The Musers — 2026-01-28

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Wednesday, January 28, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Deep Throat Informant
• Observation Deck
• E-Brake The Musers 1162026
• Observation Deck The Musers 1162026
• Generic Youth Minister The Musers 1162026

---

🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers from 2026-01-28:

—

Segments That Appeared

• Deep Throat Informant (timestamp 00:00:00): A Gordo comedy bit in which a “digitally altered” mystery informant claims to have been inside the room where Pro Football Hall of Fame voters debated Bill Belichick’s candidacy. The informant delivers an escalating, absurdist account of chaos involving Belichick, Jordan Hudson, Bill Polian, Tony Dungy, Robert Kraft, and Peter King.
• Observation Deck with Gordo (timestamp 00:00:00 of second segment): Gordo’s regular solo commentary segment, sponsored by Tylot/George iCare. Covers icy road conditions in Dallas, FEMA’s ice-warning controversy, and devolves into a long, funny tangent about physical altercations between Ticket staffers over the years.
• E-Brake (timestamp 00:00:01 of third segment): The segment begins but the transcript cuts off before the story or topic is revealed.

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Deep Throat Informant bit: Gordo voices an absurdist “whistleblower” who claims to have been present at the HOF voter deliberations. Highlights include:
• The informant claiming a pro-Darren Woodson writer was found “at the bottom of Lake Erie with a high rise tied around his neck,” with “a clump of Peter King’s hair” clutched in his hand [00:01:10–00:01:50]
• “These sports writers are a different breed of criminal. They will punish anyone for speaking out.” [00:01:00]
• The claim that voters’ top objection to Belichick was “any man who would let Jordan Hudson walk all over his nutsack only belongs in the Pee Whip Qualifier” [00:03:03–00:03:25]
• One voter objecting that Belichick “looks dumb in sweatpants and looks like he always smells of coffee and dried ejaculate” [00:03:31–00:03:51]
• “Goose Gosselin” (Gregg Doyle?) passionately defending Belichick while also “bragging about how much of a virgin he was” [00:04:23–00:04:48]
• Robert Kraft sending in “massage therapists” who gave voters a “hand rub,” after which “Robert Kraft was voted in unanimously” [00:04:51–00:05:20]
• Belichick bursting into the room with Jordan Hudson, throwing Bill Polian through a stained glass window he had “specially installed for such an ejection,” then licking Hudson’s stilettos while Polian cracked a milk jug over his head [00:05:20–00:06:20]
• Tony Dungy trying to break up the fight, only for both men to grab his “oversized ears and ride him around the room” [00:06:21–00:06:41]
• The informant fleeing to Ukraine for peace and signing off abruptly [00:06:51–00:07:11]

• Observation Deck: Gordo introduces the “disappearing world theory” to explain bad drivers — the idea that once someone pulls in front of you, they believe the car behind them will simply evaporate [00:03:26–00:03:44]
• Gordo describes driving for months with a rearview mirror that had fallen off, having to pick it up off the dash and hold it with a shaking hand to see behind him [00:04:03–00:04:29]
• Gordo jokes that FEMA can’t warn about “ice” on road signs due to the political sensitivity around the word, equating road ice with ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement): “You’re against protecting our borders. Is that what I’m hearing, George?” [00:06:29–00:06:42]
• Craig’s deadpan: “I don’t think we’re against ice. I think we’re against ice tactics.” [00:06:56]
• George admits to throwing a notebook at Gordo and ramming him into a wall with a soundproofing board, calling them “warranted.” Gordo declares himself “a survivor. An empowered victim.” [00:07:32–00:08:01]
• The story of Gordo using a golf putter named “Nessie” to snake around George’s groin area and backside with a sniffing sound effect [00:10:08–00:10:50]
• Gordo and Craig getting in a cubicle fight over a free CD, broken up by Chuck Cooperstein saying “Cool it” [00:10:59–00:11:13]
• The late producer Greg Mauro (described as 6’7″ and “top heavy”) swinging at Gordo in the control room, missing, hitting a cart rack, and riding it to the ground, concluding: “My God, I don’t even think you’re human.” [00:11:44–00:12:12]
• Gordo prank-calling Falwell as a fake out-of-state program director offering a ludicrous job ($13,000/year, remote Montana cabin, must bring own car and provide a car for an assistant). Falwell treated it seriously in cloak-and-dagger fashion. Corby Davidson got the tape, Falwell tried to get it back, and a fight broke out in which Falwell ripped out “a chunk of carpet” from Corby’s long hair [00:13:50–00:15:35]
• Gordo’s closing non-sequitur: “Anyway, I didn’t have time for my pork chop story. I’m going to start ending every segment with that.” [00:15:47]

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• Bill Belichick / Pro Football Hall of Fame: The news that Belichick, widely considered the greatest NFL coach ever, would reportedly not be a first-ballot Hall of Famer in the class of 2026 is the central news peg of the Deep Throat Informant bit. The segment satirizes the voter debate, referencing Spygate and Deflategate as objections, and Jordan Hudson’s controversial relationship with Belichick as a comedic disqualifier. [Deep Throat Informant segment throughout]

—

Debates or Strong Opinions Expressed

• George is clearly baffled and somewhat outraged that Belichick might be kept out: “This is the greatest coach in NFL history.” [00:02:04–00:02:07]
• George and Gordo engage in a brief, half-joking political exchange over FEMA’s avoidance of the word “ice” on road signs, with George drawing a distinction between border enforcement and certain enforcement tactics, and Gordo mockingly feigning that there is no middle ground [00:06:33–00:06:55]

—

Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Observation Deck with Gordo — Gordo’s regular sponsored commentary segment
• “The voice of the Mavericks” assaulting Gordo with an umbrella — referenced as a known story among the hosts [00:08:30–00:08:59]
• Nessie — Gordo’s putter, named for the Loch Ness Monster, used in past workplace harassment of George [00:10:09–00:10:50]
• Chuck Cooperstein stepping in to break up a fight — mentioned casually as a known figure [00:11:04–00:11:10]
• The late Greg Mauro — former Ticket producer, referenced with apparent fondness [00:11:44]
• Falwell and Corby Davidson fight over VHS/tape — an apparently well-known piece of Ticket lore [00:13:56–00:15:35]
• Mike Rhyner (“The Rhines”) — mentioned as having wrestled Gordo over old video footage [00:13:10–00:13:26]
• “Pork chop story” — Gordo’s unresolved running joke about a story he never gets to tell [00:15:47]
• Matt Damon — referenced as another recurring bit or topic that got crowded out [00:15:54]

—

Three-Paragraph Summary

The portion opens with a Gordo comedy centerpiece — the Deep Throat Informant bit — built around the genuine news that Bill Belichick was apparently passed over for the Pro Football Hall of Fame’s class of 2026. Gordo voices a digitally disguised “whistleblower” who claims to have been inside the voter deliberations, spinning an increasingly unhinged tale involving writer violence, Robert Kraft’s massage therapists, Jordan Hudson commanding Belichick to lick her stilettos, Bill Polian being hurled through a custom-installed stained glass window, and Tony Dungy being ridden around the room by his ears. George plays the straight man throughout, repeatedly gasping at the absurdity while the informant escalates the chaos before abruptly fleeing to Ukraine.

The Observation Deck segment begins with Gordo reflecting on the icy Dallas road conditions — it is the first day all three Musers have come into the studio after days of remote broadcasts — and comparing his actual highway experience to contradictory radio warnings. This leads to commentary on FEMA being reportedly directed by the Department of Homeland Security to avoid using the word “ice” on road warning signs due to the political sensitivity around ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement), prompting a brief and gently barbed exchange between Gordo and George. The segment then devolves gloriously into a catalog of physical altercations involving Gordo and various Ticket colleagues over the years, including George hitting him with a soundproofing board, the “voice of the Mavericks” charging at him with an umbrella, the putter named Nessie, a cubicle brawl with Craig over a free CD broken up by Chuck Cooperstein, a 6’7″ producer swinging at Gordo and riding a cart rack to the floor, and the legendary Falwell/Corby Davidson hair-ripping fight over a prank job-offer tape.

The E-Brake segment is introduced but the transcript cuts off before the story or topic is revealed. Throughout all three segments, the tone is vintage Musers: absurdist comedy layered over a real news hook, affectionate but chaotic station history, and the easy chemistry of hosts who have worked together for decades. Gordo’s creative voice dominates, with George serving as reliable foil and Craig offering the occasional dry, deflating observation.

---

⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers:

—

Segments That Appeared

• E-Brake (~00:00:00–00:13:15 in first section): The weekly segment where three candidates compete for the “worst on-air gaffe.” Listeners call in to vote. This week’s candidates were George Dunham (teasing the wrong guest), Craig “Junior” Miller (blanking on contractor Randy Cody’s name while vamping on air), and Bob from The Hard Line (a “she’s so old” joke about Brigitte Bardot that fell flat). Craig Junior Miller won, marking his 58th E-Brake win.
• Observation Deck (~00:00:00–00:01:34 in second section): Gordo’s observational humor segment, sponsored by Tilock George Eye Care. Gordo followed up on a previously discussed story about a bear living under a California man’s crawlspace.

—

Observation Deck

• Gordo revisited a story about a large bear that had been living under a California man’s crawlspace since at least April. The bear was eventually removed by the Bear League, a Lake Tahoe-based non-profit focused on humane bear management. An electrified welcome mat was installed at the crawlspace entrance to deter return. The bear did come back, stepped on the mat, and “jumped 50 feet in the air.” Gordo ended with a wry joke from the bear’s perspective: *”I just want to sleep.”*

—

Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• Bob from The Hard Line defended his Cleopatra joke about Brigitte Bardot, insisting it landed. George and Junior disagreed, saying the silence after it proved it did not. Bob countered: *”I think it did, and you’re just jealous.”* (~00:06:04)

—

Phone Callers

• A caller complained someone stole their joke from a previous week, then gave an incoherent vote (~00:06:50)
• A caller with an unusual voice voted for Craig Junior Miller for blanking on Randy Cody’s name (~00:07:09)
• “Tom the Turkey from Argyle” called in, claiming to be in West Virginia with Delonte West having just robbed someone for $23, and voted for a non-candidate (~00:07:32)
• “Sue Hawk” called in, rambled about pretzels and a Merry Christmas shout-out, voted for Bob (~00:08:01)
• “Brady Tom” called in right before the divisional round and voted for Bob, saying making fun of old people is “one of the funniest things in the world” (~00:08:35)
• A caller told a “counterfeiting” pun joke (about a player installing countertops getting arrested), then voted for candidate two (~00:09:05). George identified him as “Elvis Randy White — half Elvis, half Randy White.”
• A caller asked the hosts to sing Happy Birthday since it was his birthday the day before; they obliged briefly, and he voted for Craig Junior Miller (~00:09:53)
• A caller voted for George, then asked who the biggest loser in Cowboys history was between Dak, Tony Romo, and “cross-eyed Danny Ray” — George immediately cut him off (~00:10:25)
• A caller gave shout-outs to “Juv” for a line about defense and to “Tyler” for a quick reference about the Fox football booth (~00:11:00)
• “Jeffrey” called and offered almost nothing before George moved on (~00:12:07)
• A caller referenced a “John Shomby retired marketing” bit, confusing the hosts (~00:12:23)
• A caller brought up “boobie action side effect,” referencing a previous on-air moment where George had apparently misidentified what the acronym “BASS” stood for (~00:12:48)

—

Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• George blanked completely on guest Randy Cody’s name while trying to tease the next segment, vamping for nearly 20 seconds. Gordo immediately called him out: *”Oh my gosh, he’s trying to vamp because he can’t remember it.”* Gordo then also couldn’t remember, offering “Chris Chris” as a guess. (~00:02:56)
• Junior compared George’s vamping to a quarterback extending a play: *”That was like a quarterback just giving himself more time to throw.”* George: *”He hung in that pocket a long time.”* (~00:04:38)
• Bob’s Cleopatra joke attempt: after discussing how Brigitte Bardot was from an earlier era than Raquel Welch, Bob asked, *”Same time as Cleopatra, though?”* — met with dead silence, then *”Like, the real Cleopatra?”* (~00:05:42)
• Gordo on the “layout” (deliberate comedic silence): *”I pioneered that. Brought that to radio. It was in R&D for forever.”* (~00:06:24)
• Gordo’s bear punchline from the Observation Deck, voiced as the bear: *”I just want to sleep.”* (~00:01:34)
• The E-Brake intro clip featured an unintentional truncation of the word “cockpit,” with the host stopping mid-word and then clarifying: *”That is a two-syllable word. It’s cockpit.”* (~00:00:28–00:00:31)

—

Pop Culture, Music, or Non-Sports Topics

• Brief discussion of Brigitte Bardot as a mid-20th century international sex symbol, compared to Jayne Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe, and Raquel Welch. Bob noted Bardot retired from acting in 1973 at around age 30-something, fed up with celebrity life. (~00:05:09)
• The bear crawlspace story from California (see Observation Deck above)

—

Summary

This portion of The Musers covered the weekly E-Brake segment and an Observation Deck from Gordo. The E-Brake featured three candidates: George Dunham for teasing the wrong guest entirely (plugging Ed Werter instead of Brian Jones), Craig Junior Miller for blanking on contractor Randy Cody’s name while visibly vamping on air, and Bob from The Hard Line for a “she’s so old, same time as Cleopatra?” joke about Brigitte Bardot that landed with complete silence. The segment drew a lively and eclectic wave of callers, including recurring characters like Tom the Turkey from Argyle and Brady Tom, as well as a handful of oddball callers who tried to sneak in jokes, shout-outs, and birthday requests before casting their votes.

Craig Junior Miller ultimately won the E-Brake, his 58th career win, primarily on the strength of his extended on-air blank about Randy Cody’s name — made funnier by the fact that Gordo, who called him out for vamping, also couldn’t remember the name and guessed “Chris Chris.” The moment was affectionately compared by Junior to a quarterback scrambling in the pocket for 20 extra seconds. Bob’s Cleopatra joke was also a highlight, with Gordo defending the bit by claiming the silence was a deliberate comedic “layout” technique — one he says he pioneered for radio.

The Observation Deck closed out the portion on a lighter note, with Gordo following up on a previously discussed story about a bear that had been squatting under a California man’s crawlspace since April. After a humane removal by the Bear League, an electrified welcome mat was installed to deter the bear from returning — and it worked, sending the bear jumping after it stepped on the mat. Gordo capped the story with a deadpan line from the bear’s perspective: *”I just want to sleep,”* landing the kind of quiet, absurdist punchline that has defined his Observation Deck contributions.

---

🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Analysis: The Musers — Final Portion (2026-01-28)

—

Segments in This Portion

• Observation Deck (~00:01:36–end): A loosely structured, wide-ranging conversation covering odd news stories and tangents. Topics included a bear migrating from one neighborhood crawlspace to another, a Florida massage parlor employee (Fang Wang) who defecated toward police during a health inspection arrest, and a long digression into Gordo’s 1997 arrest at Lambeau Field and his subsequent run-in with legendary broadcaster Gil Santos.

• Generic Youth Minister: A recurring Gordo character bit in which a well-meaning but clueless and slightly inappropriate youth minister visits the studio. This appearance covered the pastor’s speeding ticket scandal, Dak Prescott visiting the church, a lock-in with partially abated asbestos, a handbell grunge concert (“Grunge Bells”) that bombed at a mall, Fernando Mendoza’s “Theismann Award,” and the youth minister’s confusion about the Cowboys’ playoff status.

—

Funny Moments or Memorable Gordo Bits

• Bear doorknob debate (~00:02:44–00:05:10): A lengthy and genuinely funny discussion about whether a bear has the mental capacity or dexterity to open a doorknob, including Gordo noting his cats understand the concept of doorknobs and a riff about a crow doing crossword puzzles on his front porch.
• Fang Wang defecation story (~00:08:07–00:11:00): Gordo’s deadpan delivery of the Florida massage parlor arrest — where the employee “defecated toward” officers to evade arrest — was a highlight. The squid-ink comparison landed well, as did the reference to a separate viral road rage defecation video Gordo claimed to have watched in detail.
• Gordo’s Lambeau arrest paperwork (~00:12:06–end of Observation Deck): Gordo revealed he recently found the original paperwork from his November 23, 1997 arrest at Lambeau Field, including an inventory of his pocket contents and jail conduct rules, and the name of his cellmate “Quincy.” Craig/Junior confirmed the date by noting the Packers beat the Cowboys 45–17 that weekend behind Dorsey Levens.
• Gil Santos confrontation: Gordo recounted being told by the legendary Boston broadcaster Gil Santos that he’d “never get anywhere in this business being a punk and a smart ass.” Gordo’s response: he later traveled to Santos’s retirement to show him his Marconi Award.
• Generic Youth Minister — Grunge Bells (~00:03:48–00:04:18): The youth minister’s handbell group “Grunge Bells” performed Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” at a mall during the holiday season, describing it as “a real positive song about working together.” The concert was poorly attended and the group disbanded.
• Generic Youth Minister — asbestos lock-in (~00:02:53–00:03:16): The minister casually mentioned the eighth-grade lock-in would be held in a fellowship hall where asbestos abatement was “not quite finished,” with the pile of asbestos simply taped off so kids wouldn’t “play in it.”
• Generic Youth Minister — Fernando Mendoza (~00:04:33–00:05:04): The minister praised Mendoza as a role model, noting he “speaks really good English, too” — only to be told he was born and raised in the U.S. — and referred to the Heisman Trophy as the “Theismann Award.”
• Cowboys not in playoffs (~00:05:24–00:05:42): The minister had planned a “Cowboys watching party for the wild divisional round of the Super Bowl” and was genuinely shocked to learn the Cowboys were not in the playoffs.

—

Sports Topics Discussed

• The Packers’ 45–17 victory over the Cowboys on November 23, 1997, including a mention of Dorsey Levens’s big game (~00:15:03)
• Dak Prescott visiting a local church youth group to speak about spiritual health (~00:02:06–00:02:40 in Generic Youth Minister segment)
• Fernando Mendoza and his Heisman Trophy win, discussed in the context of the national championship game (~00:04:33–00:05:17)
• The Cowboys’ absence from the NFL playoffs, including the divisional round (~00:05:24–00:05:42)

—

How the Show Wrapped Up

The show ended on a light note following the Generic Youth Minister segment. George noted warmly: *”That was the generic youth minister. Big doings at the church this weekend with a lot of watching parties.”* The segment closed with cheerful Happy New Year exchanges between the minister and the hosts.

—

Notable Quotes

• Gordo on the bear and doorknobs (~00:03:29): *”So he’d have to knock first and then wait for them to open it. He doesn’t understand customs like that.”*
• Gordo on the defecation-as-defense strategy (~00:08:51): *”Is it kind of like a squid with ink? You know, it’s to obscure her, give her a few seconds to get away?”*
• Gil Santos (as recounted by Gordo) (~00:14:18): *”You are never going to get anywhere in this business being a punk and a smart ass.”*
• Gordo’s response to Santos (~00:14:50): *”I traveled to his home and his retirement and showed him what a Marconi looked like.”*
• Generic Youth Minister on speeding leading to drugs (~00:01:46–00:01:56): *”First thing, you know, you’re like, hey, I’m a little late to my job at KFC, so I’ll just go a little bit faster… Next thing you know, you’re on angel dust.”*
• Generic Youth Minister on Nirvana (~00:04:00): *”It’s a song by a religious group called Nirvana — ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ — which is a real positive song about working together.”*

—

3-Paragraph Summary

The final portion of this Musers broadcast opened with the tail end of the Observation Deck segment, a rambling and entertaining stretch of conversation covering odd news from around the country. The hosts riffed at length on a bear that had abandoned one neighborhood crawlspace for another nearby one, getting into an absurdist debate about whether a bear could understand and operate a doorknob. The segment then turned to a Florida arrest story involving a massage parlor employee named Fang Wang who allegedly defecated toward officers during a health inspection raid — prompting Gordo to compare the maneuver to a squid’s ink defense and reference a separate viral road rage defecation video he claimed to have studied. The segment wound down with Gordo revealing he had recently rediscovered paperwork from his one and only arrest, at Lambeau Field in November 1997, and recounting his famous confrontation with Boston broadcasting legend Gil Santos, who told him he’d never make it being a “punk and a smart ass.” Gordo noted with satisfaction that he later showed Santos his Marconi Award.

The second segment featured the return of the Generic Youth Minister, one of Gordo’s beloved recurring characters — a well-meaning but hopelessly naive and inadvertently offensive church youth worker. This visit was packed with comic material: the minister opened with a “scandal” at his church that turned out to be the senior pastor getting a speeding ticket, then claimed — in earnest — that speeding leads inevitably to angel dust. He announced an eighth-grade lock-in in a fellowship hall where asbestos abatement was still incomplete, with the pile of asbestos merely taped off. He praised Dak Prescott (whose name he half-remembered) for speaking to the youth group, while taking issue with his tattoos. He also mentioned his handbell ensemble “Grunge Bells” had disbanded after a disastrous mall performance of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” — which he described as “a real positive song about working together” by “a religious group called Nirvana.”

The segment closed with the youth minister cheerfully announcing a Cowboys watching party for the “wild divisional round of the Super Bowl,” only to be deflated when told the Cowboys were not in the playoffs — expressing genuine shock before shrugging that “maybe they can make the World Series or something.” He also praised Indiana quarterback Fernando Mendoza’s “Theismann Award” win and noted approvingly that Mendoza “speaks really good English, too,” before being informed that Mendoza was born and raised in America. The bit ended warmly with Happy New Year exchanges, and George wrapped with a brief, affectionate send-off for the character. Overall, the final portion was a strong comedic close to the broadcast, leaning entirely into Gordo’s absurdist humor and character work rather than hard sports content.

---

Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.