The Musers — 2026-04-24

The Musers — 1310 The Ticket, Dallas | Friday, April 24, 2026

📋 Segments This Day

• Observation Deck
• The Ramp
• Fake Stephen Jones
• Jub is Horny for Hillary
• Fake Stephen Jones
• Jub is Horny for Hillary
• Observation Deck
• The Ramp

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🎙️ Early Show Analysis

Here is the analysis of this portion of The Musers from 2026-04-24:

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Segments That Appeared

• Observation Deck [00:00:00]: Gordo’s regular morning segment. Topics included a listener tweet about urinal etiquette (a “Blinking Dog” tweet), a discussion about autopilot/herd mentality while driving and in public spaces, a story about a 91-year-old woman in Westlake, Ohio who triggered a welfare check because she was gaming with a headset on, and video game statistics about how many Americans play regularly.
• The Ramp [00:00:18]: A fill-in segment by Monty (filling in for Junior/Craig Miller), presenting a “Top 5 Bottom 5” list of musical instruments. The hosts — including Gordo (a bass player) and George (a percussionist) — debated and reacted throughout.
• Fake Stephen Jones [00:00:00 in that segment]: A recurring Gordo comedy bit featuring an impersonation of Stephen Jones ahead of the NFL Draft. Topics included Jerry Jones nearly falling off a riser at the pre-draft press conference, Bill Clinton’s appearance at The Star, and Cowboys draft speculation.
• Jub is Horny for Hillary [00:00:00 in that segment]: A discussion segment about the Bill Clinton appearance at the Cowboys draft press conference, including audio of the actual event. Ends with the revelation that George apparently finds Hillary Clinton attractive.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• Cowboys / NFL Draft: Heavy focus throughout the latter two segments. The Cowboys hold the 12th and 20th overall picks. Discussion included whether they might trade up or down, the franchise-tagged receiver situation (George Bickerville/CeeDee Lamb-adjacent reference), and the chaotic pre-draft press conference featuring Bill Clinton’s appearance at The Star. Jerry Jones nearly falling off the riser while going to greet Clinton was a key moment. Will McClay, Stephen Jones, and head coach “Shottie” (Brian Schottenheimer) were all mentioned as being present at the press conference. [Jub is Horny for Hillary segment throughout]

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Debates or Strong Opinions

• Top 5 Bottom 5 Instruments [The Ramp, approximately 00:01:37 onward]: George strongly disagreed with Monty placing drums at #1, arguing guitar or piano should be #1. Gordo disagreed that drums were the top instrument. George also defended the recorder after admitting he once bought three nice recorders. Monty defended leaving guitar entirely off the Top 5, putting the xylophone in the honorable mention slot instead, which George pushed back on.
• Dallas roads: George claimed Dallas has the most dangerous roads in America [Observation Deck, ~00:07:05]. Gordo initially pushed back, but George eventually found a source ranking Dallas #1 in fatal crash rates among big U.S. cities.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable Quotes

• Urinal/herd mentality bit [Observation Deck, ~00:00:34]: Gordo read a listener tweet from “Blinking Dog” about a man choosing the urinal directly next to him in an otherwise empty 12-urinal airport bathroom, spinning it into a broader theory about humans operating on autopilot and herd mentality.
• 91-year-old gamer [Observation Deck, ~00:10:14]: Gordo told the story of a welfare check on a 91-year-old woman who turned out to be gaming with a headset on, oblivious to the world. The hosts riffed on her trash-talking online opponents and the chaos of children on gaming headsets.
• Handicap lane campaign [Observation Deck, ~00:08:15]: Gordo joked about campaigning for handicap driving lanes for people with ADHD, claiming he has multiple handicap placards on his dash for various conditions — “like Cub Scout badges” — and is currently working on his “clinical depression badge.”
• Monty’s band director / tuba lips [The Ramp, ~00:09:21]: Monty revealed his band director told him in 5th grade that he had “tuba lips” and physically touched his lips when assigning him the tuba instead of percussion. The hosts found this deeply uncomfortable and hilarious.
• Fake Stephen Jones [Fake Stephen Jones segment throughout]: Gordo’s impersonation of Stephen Jones included Jerry Jones being distracted by his new iPhone (using Tinder, pulling up photos of Angie Dickinson, running crypto scams on disabled people), taking 143 pills a day, drinking from a Stanley full of Johnny Walker Blue, and a riff on Bill Clinton and Jerry swapping stories about “Miss Softest Mouth in Arkansas.” Monty was a running in-segment character whom “Stephen” kept cracking up at.
• “Second most American” [Jub is Horny for Hillary, ~00:07:24]: The hosts had a field day with Jerry Jones’s actual quote calling Bill Clinton “the second most American to have started with very little and accomplished a lot,” debating what that even means and who came in first.
• “Has there been anything more Cowboys than that?” [Jub is Horny for Hillary, ~00:10:45]: Gordo called the entire Clinton press conference spectacle — football as a sideshow, confusion, circus atmosphere — quintessentially Cowboys, a phrase he said had been circulating on The Ticket for the past 24 hours.
• George’s half-chub for Hillary [Jub is Horny for Hillary, ~00:11:51]: The segment ends with Gordo revealing to Monty that George has romantic feelings for a young Hillary Clinton, setting up a running bit referenced in the segment title.

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Recurring Bits, Characters, or Inside Jokes Referenced

• Fake Stephen Jones: A long-running Gordo character impersonating Stephen Jones, son of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. The character is sycophantic, gossipy, and portrays Jerry as a buffoonish but lovable old man. [Fake Stephen Jones segment]
• “Top 5 Bottom 5”: A recurring segment format associated with Junior (Craig Miller), done here by fill-in Monty in Junior’s honor. [The Ramp]
• “Blinking Dog”: Appears to be a known Ticket listener/P1 who sends in material. [Observation Deck]
• The Ramp intro rap: The segment opened with a brief comedic rap introducing the segment and Monty, including the lines “on Reddit he’s considered the Jesus / he weighs the same as three people / he just had cancer / he steals bits from Gordon Keith.” This appears to be a parody intro bit for the segment.
• George and donuts: Running gag throughout Observation Deck that George is constantly thinking about donuts (specifically bear claws), culminating in “Post-Show Bear Claw” being called a band name.

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Summary

The show opened with the Observation Deck, Gordo’s regular morning segment, which took a characteristically rambling and observational tone. Starting from a listener tweet about urinal etiquette, Gordo expanded into a broader meditation on herd mentality and human autopilot behavior — in public bathrooms, on highways, and in daily life. The segment’s highlight was the story of a 91-year-old Ohio woman who triggered a police welfare check because she was so absorbed in playing video games with a headset on that she didn’t hear the phone, the door, or anything else. The hosts riffed on aging gamers, trash-talking online, and the surprising statistic that 36% of the “silent generation” plays video games weekly. A side debate about whether Dallas has the most dangerous roads in America gave George a rare factual win after he looked it up mid-segment.

The Ramp followed, with fill-in host Monty presenting a “Top 5 Bottom 5” list of musical instruments in honor of absent Junior (Craig Miller). The list generated genuine debate: Gordo (a bassist) appreciated bass guitar making the top three, but both he and George objected to drums being ranked #1, arguing guitar or piano deserved the top spot. The bottom five — which included the French horn, recorder, theremin, tuba, and triangle — produced the segment’s funniest moment when Monty revealed his 5th-grade band director had assigned him the tuba after telling him he had “tuba lips” and physically touching his mouth. George’s admission that he once bought three nice recorders and still knows where they are also drew laughs.

The back half of the show shifted focus to the Cowboys and the upcoming NFL Draft, with two connected segments. The Fake Stephen Jones bit — a recurring Gordo character — used the pre-draft press conference as a springboard for extended jokes about Jerry Jones’s age, medication regimen, iPhone habits, and the chaotic appearance of Bill Clinton at The Star. The final segment played actual audio from the press conference and dissected it seriously and comically: Jerry nearly falling off a riser while rushing to greet Clinton, Clinton’s noticeably weakened physical presence, and Jerry’s baffling quote calling Clinton “the second most American to have started with very little and accomplished a lot.” The hosts agreed that the entire spectacle — football as an afterthought at a football press conference — was quintessentially Cowboys. The segment closed with Gordo revealing to a bewildered Monty that George harbors a longstanding attraction to a young Hillary Clinton.

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⏰ Mid-Show Analysis

Analysis of The Musers — 2026-04-24 (Middle Portion)

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Segments That Appeared

• “Jub is Horny for Hillary” (~00:00:00–00:12:13 in that segment’s timestamp): The hosts discuss the Cowboys’ pre-draft press conference, the unexpected appearance of Bill Clinton at The Star, Jerry Jones nearly falling off a riser, and audio playback of the actual press conference. The segment devolves into George Dunham being teased for finding young Hillary Clinton attractive, which carries over into the next segment.

• “Fake Stephen Jones” (~00:00:00–00:06:50 in that segment’s timestamp): Gordo performs an impression of Stephen Jones, fielding mock questions about the NFL Draft. The bit covers Jerry Jones being distracted by his new iPhone, the George Pickens situation, Bill Clinton’s visit, and increasingly raunchy tangents involving Jerry and Clinton’s alleged shared history.

• “Muse in the News” (embedded within the transcript following the Hillary discussion, ~00:18:09 onward): Gordo’s recurring news segment, sponsored by All-Pro Foundation Repair and D&M Auto Leasing. Stories covered include a Fort Worth elderly woman scammed out of $25,000, rising rectal cancer rates among millennials, and celebrity birthdays.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• NFL Draft (Cowboys): Heavy focus throughout. The Cowboys hold the 12th and 20th overall picks. Discussion of whether Dallas might trade up or down. George Pickens is mentioned as a disgruntled acquisition who “hates” the Cowboys and may try to force his way out — the hosts note Dallas may need to draft a wide receiver as a result.
• Dallas Stars: Briefly mentioned (~00:12:24–00:12:30 in the Hillary segment) — the Stars defeated the Minnesota Wild and lead their playoff series 2-1. A guest named “Razor” was teased for 7:55 to discuss the win.
• Jerry Jones near-fall at press conference: Discussed at length — Jerry got up to greet Bill Clinton during a press conference, nearly fell off the riser, but recovered with what the hosts described as a “pirouette spin move.” Hosts jokingly wondered if Secret Service should have taken Jerry down for lunging toward the president.
• 1961 Arkansas Razorbacks: Jerry and Clinton reportedly reminisced about the team, with Clinton allegedly able to name the roster “three deep.” Jerry also disclosed his playing weight was 185 pounds.

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Notable Debates or Host Disagreements

• George’s attraction to Hillary Clinton: Gordo relentlessly teased George Dunham for finding young Hillary Clinton attractive, escalating from mild ribbing to increasingly graphic fake quotes attributed to George. George denied most of it but couldn’t fully escape. The bit also looped in a past alleged fixation on a young Hillary Duff, with Gordo accusing George of having had a countdown calendar to her 18th birthday — which George flatly denied.
• Racial description in the scam story: When Gordo described the Fort Worth scam suspect as an “Asian male,” George pushed back on the framing, asking “in what way?” This led to a brief but funny squabble about whether racial descriptors are appropriate in crime reporting, with Gordo accusing George of hypocrisy for then using the word “Hispanic” freely while objecting to “Asian male.”

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Phone Callers

None in this portion of the transcript.

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Funny Moments, Gordo Bits, and Memorable One-Liners

• Fake Stephen Jones bit was a full comedic segment — highlights included:
• “Fake Stephen” saying Jerry’s favorite app is Tinder: *”He seems to think he wins a lot on it.”*
• Jerry allegedly pulling “crypto scams on disabled people.”
• Jerry taking 143 pills a day, *”most of them related to erectile disease.”*
• “Fake Stephen” describing George Pickens as *”my franchise taxi driver”* who wants out *”like an animal chewing through its own paw to escape a steel trap.”*
• Bill Clinton and Jerry swapping stories about *”who should have won Miss Softest Mouth in Arkansas back in the 70s.”*
• Clinton allegedly telling Stephen that Jerry *”gave her a belly baby when he had her folded over at the Koala Station in Little Rock International Airport.”*

• Gordo on Jerry’s near-fall: *”He moved up in the draft right there”* — said by someone in the room immediately after Jerry caught himself.

• Gordo fake-quoting George about Hillary Clinton:
• *”I’d love to peel off that North Korean dictator outfit she’s wearing.”*
• *”Dude, I’d knock the bottom out of that.”*
• Claiming George watched Hillary Duff movies on mute and *”all you could hear was the movement of jargons.”*
• *”You already wrote ‘Hillary Dunham’ next to her [on the countdown calendar].”*

• The leg transplant tangent: Gordo recounted a Twitch stream hypothetical where Monty (who lost a leg to cancer) asked Gordo if he’d accept a leg transplant from a Black woman. The bit escalated to whether it would grant Gordo access to *”the cookout,”* and concluded with the vision of Gordo’s existing leg and the new leg fusing like *”a frozen yogurt swirl.”*

• Gordo on the Fort Worth scam story: After Gordo reported the suspect *”looks like an Asian male,”* he sarcastically invented a police quote: *”He looks casual, he looks calm, he looks Asianed up.”*

• Gordo on Monty testing positive for Hispanic (referring to Monty’s Hispanic aunt): *”His family’s trying to work through it right now. They’re going to therapy.”*

• On Bill Clinton showing up at The Star: *”I thought I’d come in here and tell you all about Epstein Island.”* (said by a host doing a Clinton impression)

• On Jerry’s “second most American” Forbes quote: *”Clinton’s American number was off the chart in his last blood draw.”*

• George on reaching a certain age: *”I’ve reached a certain age where I’ve just kind of had it”* — said while apparently snapping at people in and around the studio.

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Guests or Special Visitors

• “Fake Stephen Jones” — Gordo performing a comedic impression of Stephen Jones, framed as a phone-in interview. Not a real guest.
• Justin Montemayor (“Monty”) — filling in for Craig Miller (Junior). Referenced throughout as a beloved figure in the studio; the hosts repeatedly tried to make him laugh. Notably, Monty is an amputee (lost a leg to cancer as a child) and has survived two bouts of cancer, both of which were discussed openly and with dark humor that Monty appeared to participate in willingly.
• “Razor” — teased as an upcoming guest at 7:55 to discuss the Stars’ playoff win, but does not appear in this portion.

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Pop Culture, Music, and Non-Sports Topics

• Bill Clinton’s appearance at The Star: Discussed at length — his physical decline, his Arkansas connection to Jerry Jones, and the general absurdity of a former president appearing at an NFL draft press conference. Hosts noted Clinton has had open heart surgery and moves very slowly now. Age comparison: Clinton is 79, Jerry is 83 (turning 84 in the fall).
• Hillary Clinton: George’s apparent attraction to young Hillary Clinton became a running bit, with Gordo producing (or claiming to produce) old photos of her from the 1970s on his phone and describing them in detail.
• Hillary Duff: Gordo accused George of having had an inappropriate fixation on the then-teenage Nickelodeon star, including an alleged countdown calendar to her 18th birthday.
• Lee Majors (turning 87): Briefly discussed as Jerry Jones’ friend. Described as the biggest TV star of the 1970s and formerly married to Farrah Fawcett.
• Valerie Bertinelli (turning 66): George admitted to having had a childhood crush on her. Gordo noted she is Wolfgang Van Halen’s mother.
• Joyce DeWitt (turning 77): Referenced but hosts couldn’t place who she was on air (she was Janet on *Three’s Company*).
• John Cena (turning 49): Briefly noted; one host claimed he is a Ticket listener.
• Rectal cancer rates rising among millennials: Discussed as a health news item, with speculation that childhood diets (sugary snacks, “fruit leather”) may be a contributing factor. Notably, Hispanic populations were cited as having higher rates and mortality. The topic drew dark jokes given Monty’s cancer history.
• Fort Worth elderly scam: An 81-year-old woman was defrauded of $25,000 by someone posing as bank security. Hosts discussed the difficulty victims face in recovering funds when the transfer was made willingly.
• NFL Draft Twitch stream: Gordo mentioned his regular Twitch stream was preempted by the NFL Draft — he jokingly said the NFL *”sprung it on him”* without warning.
• RFK Jr. impression: Gordo briefly did a voice impression of RFK Jr.’s distinctive hoarse voice.

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This portion of the show was dominated by the Dallas Cowboys’ pre-draft press conference from the previous day, which provided an almost inexhaustible supply of material. The centerpiece was Bill Clinton’s surprise appearance at The Star, which the hosts treated as quintessentially Cowboys — spectacle overtaking substance, football becoming the sideshow. The Musers played actual audio of the press conference, including the moment Jerry Jones nearly fell off a riser while rushing to greet Clinton, and Jerry’s rambling introduction in which he declared Clinton *”the second most American”* person according to Forbes. Hosts speculated that Jerry had orchestrated the whole thing for theater, and were amused that reporters in the room initially assumed Clinton’s entrance was Jerry just rambling incoherently. The Fake Stephen Jones bit extended these themes comedically, with Gordo’s impression of Stephen roasting Jerry’s iPhone addiction, his pill regimen, and his alleged romantic history with a woman at Little Rock International Airport.

The show was also notable for an extended and escalating comedy bit around George Dunham’s apparent attraction to Hillary Clinton — triggered by an offhand comment George made about young Hillary looking good in old 1970s photos. Gordo ran with it gleefully, fabricating increasingly outrageous quotes and accusing George of having had similar fixations on Hillary Duff during her Nickelodeon years. The bit carried across multiple segments and featured Gordo allegedly pulling up old Clinton photos on his phone and zooming in on specific details. Meanwhile, fill-in host Justin Montemayor (Monty) became a recurring focal point — the hosts repeatedly tried to make him laugh, discussed his leg amputation and two cancer battles with dark but apparently mutually enjoyed humor, and “Fake Stephen Jones” even expressed a warm affection for Monty during the bit.

The Muse in the News segment rounded out the portion with a mix of genuine news and comedic commentary: the Fort Worth elderly scam story prompted a brief flare-up between George and Gordo over the appropriateness of racial descriptions in crime reporting, while the rectal cancer story generated more dark jokes. The celebrity birthday rundown name-checked Lee Majors, Valerie Bertinelli, John Cena, and Andruw Jones among others. Throughout all of it, the Dallas Stars’ 2-1 series lead over Minnesota received only a brief mention, underscoring the degree to which the Cowboys and the NFL Draft had consumed the morning’s attention.

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🏁 Final Hour Analysis

Here is the analysis of this final portion of The Musers from April 24, 2026:

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Segments in This Portion

• “Jub is Horny for Hillary” (unnamed/pre-segment banter, ~00:13:21): A raucous opening segment in which the hosts tease George relentlessly about his longstanding attraction to Hillary Duff (dating back to her Lizzie McGuire days) and a separate thread about young Hillary Clinton photos. Gordo leads most of the roasting. Transitions into the Observation Deck-era news block with stories about an elderly scam victim in Fort Worth, rising rectal cancer rates among millennials, and celebrity birthdays including a birthday shoutout to fill-in host Monty.

• Observation Deck (~00:00:00 in that block): Gordo’s regular observational/commentary segment, sponsored by Tilok Nasser Vision and Generator Supercenter. Topics included: a listener tweet about urinal etiquette at an airport, a discussion of autopilot driving behavior and herd mentality, Dallas being ranked #1 for fatal crashes among large U.S. cities, and a heartwarming/funny story about a 91-year-old woman in Westlake, Ohio who triggered a welfare check because she was absorbed in playing video games with a headset on. Ends with a discussion of video game statistics across generations.

• The Ramp (~00:00:06 in that block): Fill-in host Monty’s closing segment, presented in honor of the absent Craig Miller (Junior). Monty presented a “Top Five, Bottom Five” list of musical instruments, sparking lively debate with George and Gordo, both of whom are musicians.

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Top 5/Bottom 5 Segment

Presented by Monty (Justin Montemayor) during The Ramp, in honor of Craig Miller:

Top Five Instruments (Honorable Mention → #1):

• Honorable Mention: Xylophone (impressive coordination required, but disqualified partly by its rainbow children’s toy version)
• #5: Accordion (difficult to play, but you don’t look cool doing it)
• #4: Piano (elegant and versatile, but too immobile)
• #3: Bass guitar (requires humility; Gordo played bass and strongly endorsed it)
• #2: Violin/Fiddle (combined — impresses both elites and common folk)
• #1: Drum set (increasingly appreciated after watching Ham at the station try to learn)

Bottom Five Instruments (#5 worst → #1 worst):

• #5 (fifth worst): French horn (players look uncomfortable; awkward to hold)
• #4: Recorder (mass-produced and handed to second graders; George revealed he owns multiple nice recorders)
• #3: Theremin (too weird and science-fiction-adjacent; you can’t touch it)
• #2: Tuba (too heavy, spit valve issues, and Monty’s band director told him in fifth grade he had “tuba lips”)
• #1 (worst): Triangle (extremely limited use; only redeeming quality is calling cowboys to dinner)

George pushed back that guitar should be #1 or #2 overall and wasn’t on the list at all. Monty acknowledged this and noted he ranked xylophone in honorable mention over guitar.

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Sports Topics Discussed

• The NFL Draft was mentioned briefly (~00:15:17 in the Jub segment) — the hosts noted it was happening that night and that it had preempted a Twitch stream they had planned.
• Gail Goodrich (birthday) was identified as a former Lakers guard (~00:29:34 in the news block).
• Andruw Jones (misspelled name noted) was mentioned as a Hall of Famer turning 49.
• During Observation Deck, George looked up Dallas being ranked #1 among big U.S. cities for fatal crash rates (~00:09:33).
• During The Ramp, a passing reference was made to the old woman gaming, with someone joking she was “trying to take the Cowboys to the Super Bowl” (~00:12:47).

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Funny Moments and Memorable Gordo Bits

• The Hillary Duff roast of George (~00:13:21–00:14:50): Gordo accused George of having a countdown calendar to Hillary Duff’s 18th birthday with “Hillary Dunham” written next to it, and claimed George watched her movies on mute. Extended and escalating.
• “Tested positive for Hispanic” (~00:19:33): Gordo riffed that Monty’s aunt “tested positive for Hispanic” after George objected to racial descriptions of a crime suspect — one of the sharpest absurdist lines of the segment.
• Gordo’s handicap placard collection (~00:08:52–00:09:15): Gordo claimed he has handicap placards for ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder displayed on his dash like “Cub Scout badges” and is “working on his clinical depression badge.”
• Gordo’s theory about herd mentality in urinal selection (~00:03:47–00:06:15): Extended and genuinely funny philosophical riff connecting the urinal-next-to-someone phenomenon to drivers pulling into his lane.
• The 91-year-old gamer welfare check story (~00:10:10–00:13:20): Gordo narrated the tense police welfare check as a suspense story — complete with “one itchy cop puts his hand on his taser” — only to reveal the woman was fine, just deeply engrossed in video games with a headset on and surrounded by Mountain Dew cans (the crew’s embellishment).
• “Frozen yogurt swirl” leg transplant (~00:24:54): Gordo recounted an old Twitch bit in which Monty asked if he’d accept a leg transplant from a Black woman, leading to a debate about whether the fused leg junction would look like a frozen yogurt swirl and whether Monty could gain entry to “the cookout.”
• Gordo’s sign during the cancer discussion (~00:27:38): After someone asked if the rectal cancer rise was “because of enchiladas,” Gordo held up a sign that said “have some empathy,” which he then claimed said “no, it’s the empanadas.”

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How the Show Wrapped Up

The show ended with The Ramp segment concluding the top five/bottom five instruments list. After Monty delivered his #1 worst instrument (triangle), the crew briefly debated cowbell and whether YYZ by Rush opens with a triangle (general consensus: it might). George and Gordo both gave Monty warm praise for the list. George said: *”No, that’s quality entertainment. That’s food for thought right there. I don’t care who you are.”* (~00:11:03). The show ended on that note without explicit previews of upcoming programming, though the NFL Draft being that evening had been flagged earlier.

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Notable Quotes

• Gordo on George and Hillary Duff: *”You had that weird Hillary Duff calendar up on the wall that you would mark down the days until the birthday that said 18. You already wrote Hillary Dunham next to her.”* (~00:14:15)
• Gordo on Monty’s aunt: *”His family’s trying to work through it right now… Monty’s aunt testing positive for Hispanic.”* (~00:19:49)
• Gordo on his handicap placards: *”I’m working on my clinical depression badge right now.”* (~00:09:16)
• Monty on the tuba: *”Every time you open the spit valve, it’s like you’re getting splashed by the log ride at Six Flags.”* (~00:09:13)
• Monty on the band director: *”He told me, you know, you got a nice little tuba lips there, Monty… just brushed his thumb up against my lips.”* (~00:09:39)
• Gordo on the 91-year-old gamer: *”She was in the zone and she was locked in playing video games.”* (~00:12:58)
• Monty on the triangle: *”The only reason it should not be completely eradicated from the earth is it did used to signal that dinner was ready.”* (~00:10:26)

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Three-Paragraph Summary

This final portion of the April 24, 2026 Musers opened with a chaotic and hilarious extended roast of George Dunham over his longstanding and well-documented fascination with Hillary Duff, with Gordo leading the charge and accusing George of having a countdown calendar to her 18th birthday and watching her movies on mute. The segment spiraled into a discussion of young Hillary Clinton photos (George was showing them to the crew on his phone, complete with a “telestrator” zoom), a Fort Worth elderly scam story, a discussion of rising rectal cancer rates among millennials with a particular callout of Hispanic mortality rates, and celebrity birthdays — all while fill-in host Justin Montemayor (Monty) served as both straight man and willing participant in Gordo’s more outrageous riffs, including a rehash of the famous “leg transplant from a Black woman” Twitch bit and Gordo’s absurdist claim that Monty’s aunt had “tested positive for Hispanic.”

The Observation Deck segment delivered a mix of observational humor and genuine social commentary. Gordo anchored the segment around a listener’s tweet about a man choosing the urinal directly next to him in an otherwise empty airport bathroom, spinning it into a broader theory about herd mentality, autopilot behavior, and people’s inability to anticipate their surroundings — connecting it to drivers who pull into his lane at T-intersections. The segment also included a charming story about a 91-year-old woman in Ohio who triggered a police welfare check because she was so absorbed in video games she couldn’t hear anything, narrated by Gordo with mock suspense and embellished by the crew with details about empty Mountain Dew cans and trash talk over a headset. George’s claim that Dallas has the most dangerous roads in America was confirmed by his own Google search, which the crew teased him for cherry-picking.

The show closed with The Ramp, in which Monty presented a Top Five, Bottom Five list of musical instruments in honor of the absent Craig Miller. The list generated genuine debate — George objected to the absence of guitar from the top five entirely, while Gordo strongly endorsed the bass guitar and the violin/fiddle combo. Monty’s bottom five (French horn, recorder, theremin, tuba, and triangle) drew laughs and personal stories, particularly Monty’s fifth-grade band director who told him he had “tuba lips” and brushed his thumb against his mouth — a moment the crew found both funny and deeply unsettling. The show ended warmly, with George complimenting Monty’s list as “quality entertainment” and “food for thought.”

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Analysis generated from archived transcripts. Hosts: Gordon Keith (Gordo), George Dunham, Craig Miller, Mike Rhyner, Donovan Lewis (Junior). Station: 1310 The Ticket, Dallas, TX.